Can't Get Rid of Me

Baby.

That was the only word at...what time is it? I looked over at the clock to my right on the end table beside the bed. It read 4:45 a.m.

Great. Super. Awesome. Spectacular. 4:45 in the morning and I'm not asleep for shit. Trust me, I've got a lot on my mind as it continued to race.

Like my sleeping wife beside me. My brother, the now widely known lead singer of My Chemical Romance. My Chemical Romance itself, as a whole. Frank. Bob. Ray. Brian, our manager. Oh yeah, and the baby I helped create that sat in my wife's abdomen as we speak.

I haven't toured with My Chemical Romance for...how long would it be? I think on Monday it would be at least, a good year and a half. Hey, I couldn't help it, all right? It's not like that many people would miss me anyway. Sure, I've got my share of fans and then there's the band itself. Frank and Gerard call me at least everyday just to let me know I should come back but after a while, the calls began to stop and the texts ceased.

But I'm just the bassist. The guys have probably made Matt an unofficial member of the band, he’s been replacing me for so long. I mean a year and a half is pretty damn long, right? Right.

I felt Alicia stir next to me and I wrapped my arms around her. As much as I loved her, I wanted to get back into My Chemical Romance, to get back into writing and creating music. But I also wanted to start my family with Alicia, I mean that was why I married her after all. I wanted to get into that whole aspect of my life.

This was probably the longest honeymoon known to man.

So confused...so conflicted.

Alicia moved again before completely turning onto her back from her side, the bump from the baby protruding from her stomach. I could read the letters glinting slightly in the early morning light, she was wearing a really old Anthrax shirt of mine. I felt her hand work its way up my back from behind as I nuzzled into her chest, gasping softly.

Married and that still gets to me.

"Mikey," she croaked, running her thumb on my spine. "Why are you awake?"

"Couldn't sleep," I replied simply.

"Why, what's wrong?"

I remained silent. I didn't want to trouble her with my problems. Married or not, this was not her problem - it was my decision to make. She couldn't sway it in any way, no matter how much of an influence on my life she was. I didn't want her stressing while pregnant; I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened.

"Mikey I don't know if it's My Chem. that's bothering you or what but..."

"Shush," I whispered, rubbing her belly thoughtfully as I felt her smile at the simple gesture. "Go back to sleep hon."

"You should too," she agreed and a couple moments later I heard her drift back to sleep.

But I stayed awake. It didn't feel good to not discuss my problems with her but I just didn't want to. When we were making The Black Parade, I had had enough problems and although Alicia was there for me then, this wasn't as serious. I wasn't going to kill myself this time; I had too much to live for.

About four hours later, as I paced my living room, I heard my Sidekick buzz from its place on the kitchen table. I glanced at the screen as it blinked 'Gerard'. I pressed the green button as I lifted the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey little brother," Gerard said casually. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, no. I was already awake."

"Oh - everything all right?" He asked, concern lacing his calming voice.

"Fine...so what's up? Any reason why you're calling so early?"

"Uh well we have a meeting with Riot Squad this afternoon, did Brian tell you?"

"No..." I trailed off, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

"Well we do, think you can speed over into Jersey to make it?"

"Yeah I can. Time?"

"Meeting's at 2."

"Yeah, I'll be there," I said, glancing at the clock that now said 8:10. "No problem."

"Great. Cool. Awesome," Gerard said coolly. Yeah, we're definitely brothers.

"Gerard..." I began. "You okay?"

"I'm great...” He mumbled and I could almost hear him fidgeting.

"You in Oregon?" I asked.

"No, I'm at Frank and Jamia's just for the next two days then tomorrow I'm picking up Lyn and we're going home," he said, referring to his wife Lyn-Z.

"Oh," I answered.

"So how are the Mommy and the baby?"

"Sleeping."

"Oh...right. Well I'm gonna go make some breakfast so I'll see you later today."

"Yeah, bye Gee."

And he hung up. I pressed the end call button on my phone as the end music came on before putting it back in its previous position.

Gosh, a band meeting. They asked me to a band meeting! A My Chemical Romance band meeting. I felt like part of the band again, like I was one of them again. Well I am part of the band, without me there would be no My Chemical Romance. And that's not just my ego talking; it's just the fact of the matter when you create the name.

Maybe they wanted me back. Maybe they'd demand I jump back into work, to touring, to making music. Yes, I could see it now as I looked out the balcony window. Gerard would chain me to the chair; Bob and Ray would hold staplers to my face. And Frank? Frank would be standing on the table, the little short ass he is, and yelling in my face. Poor Brian would be standing in the corner, shaking his head at the crazy band he just happened to manage.

It'd be great.

----

Corporate meetings are boring, y'know? Sitting in a huge, air conditioned, gray room can drive anyone mad after a matter of time. Especially when you're talking to those...corporate people.

The head honcho, Steve, finally finished chatting about all the technical shit like touring, sales from the CD and other things like that. Brian stood up as he sat down and walked to the head of the table, the window shining behind him and showing the busy Jersey streets.

I looked to the left at my brother as he watched Brian intently, Ray beside him doing the same. My brother had changed a lot of the years. His face had changed dramatically, his hair back to its normal color and tinge, only shorter. To the right of me was Frank and Bob, Bob drumming his fingers on the desk. And Frank had his attention focused on his Sidekick that I knew sat on his lap as he typed away. I glanced at Brian again.

"Uh guys, is there...anything else? We kinda wanna wrap this up..." He said, cracking his knuckles.

"Yeah," Gerard said quietly, putting his head down. "Mikey."

I turned to him in confusion. Me? What did I do? What did I have to say? I didn't prepare anything that needed to be presented, needed to be talked about. Then I thought about it for a bit. Of course! They wanted me to come back, I almost forgot. All right, where are the staplers and chains?

"Oh," Brian said, realization creeping across his face. He licked his lips as he moved away from the large shiny, gray table, the lip ring lodged into his bottom lip moving. "Proceed."

"Gerard," Bob said loudly, looking across the table at my brother. But Gerard was looking down at his hands, in this kind of fidgety nervous manner. Now I was getting scared.

Gerard isn't the type of person to get scared like this. As long as I've known him (and you have to admit, that's a pretty long time considering I've known him since I was born), he’s always been the strong one, always been the one to just be himself. Sure there was the whole drinking thing that built up over the years leading to the making of Three Cheers but that's different. And he had to talk to me? What could he possible be scared of when it came to talking to me?

"Gerard we'd agreed...you'd be the one to do this," Bob continued, staring directly at him. Frank had stopped clicking away at his phone and had closed it up and set it down on the table, Ray had now set his eyes on me. I gave him a questioning look but he looked down again and then at Bob.

"Fine," my brother mumbled and looked up at me with a lost, hopeful look. "Mikey...we need to talk."

"About?" I questioned.

"You...and the band."

"Uh-huh..." I said carefully, stretching out the short word. Couldn't they just get to the point?

"There comes a time...in every young man. I mean band. Young band. Well, we aren't that young, it's been eight years now but...you get the point. When you're in a band, there’s certain decisions that need to be made, y'know? And the guys and I have been talking and consulting with Brian and Steve and even Craig and...Well we decided..."

"Gerard can you just tell me already? You're wasting time."

I watched my one and only eldest brother take a deep breath before clasping his hands over and over again, almost wringing them dry like a wet washcloth or towel before he spoke again, "Mikey it's been...almost two years now and we've been touring and stuff with Matt as your replacement and well what I'm trying to say is..."

"God dammit Gerard!" Frank said loudly and we all turned to stare at him as his hand came down on top of the table. "You're stressing this out like it's a fucking proposal, just tell him already. You said you'd be able to handle this!"

"I can!" Gerard defended heatedly. "I can do this it's just...I didn't think I'd ever have to come to this, that it would be this hard..."

"Jesus," Bob grumbled.

"That's it," Frank snapped, turning to me. His eyes were wide and almost had this angry look to them. "Mikey we talked and we decided that...we are going to fully replace you with Matt."

"W-what?" I stuttered in disbelief and by now, Gerard had flipped out of his chair and left the room, not uttering a single word but making a low sob as the door slammed. Ray stared down at the table.

"You mean...you mean you're kicking me out?" I asked quietly and Frank sighed, running his tattooed hand through his hair before he nodded.

"Yeah Mikey...I mean it's been a really long time now. And we're about to start doing a new CD and we know Alicia's pregnant and you're probably going to be there for her during the entire thing and do the whole family thing..."

I could feel the tears prickling my eyes as they landed on Ray and Bob. "You want me out of the band too?" I asked harshly, my voice taking an angry pitch. "You want me gone as well?"

"Mikey it's not like that..." Ray said quietly but I cut him off.

"No! You all fucking hate me and want me out of the fucking band so you can replace me with Matt. What is it, is he a better bassist than me?" I asked, my cheeks suddenly getting very wet with warm tears.

"No Mikey," Bob said calmly, setting his bright blue eyes on me but I turned away.

"How could you?" I weeped quietly. "We...we started this together. And now you're kicking me out?"

"We're so sorry Mikey..." Frank replied, staring down at the table. "We never meant for it to be like this."

I stared down at my lap. How could they do this to me? I'm fucking Mikey Way! I made up the name for this stupid band. I almost died for this fucking band. I dedicated my entire life to this fucking band. I put myself out there to save other people, to make music that impacted other people’s lives. I lost friends, I ruined relationships, and I lost a part of myself.

All for Gerard, Frank, Bob, Ray, and the fans. And this is how they repay me?

"Fuck you," I growled quietly.

"What?" Frank squeaked.

"Fuck you," I repeated, only louder this time. I could feel the anger burning in the back of my neck again as my hands rose and then my palms came down hard on top of the stupid gray table. "Fuck you and damn you all to fucking hell!"

"Mikey..." Brian said calmly from across the room. "Don't be like this."

"No, fuck you! Fuck you all!" And with that, I jumped out of my chair and walked towards the door as the guys called my name. But I ignored them and threw the door open, seeing Gerard in the lobby sitting in a chair, his head in his hands. He looked up at me but I gave him the finger and stormed on down the hall.

This must be some sick, cruel joke.
They couldn't get rid of me, right?