Frank And Evan's Amazing Day

Evan Wise groggily walked down the busy sidewalk, occasionally bumping into someone when his attention drifted from where he was going to the warmth he was missing back in his bed. When this happened, he would abruptly shift his gaze to whoever he knocked over, mutter a quick, "Sorry," and promptly continue on his way. The morning sun was casting a none-too-pleasant glare on his glasses, which made him squint to read the signs on the various shops he passed.

Suddenly and without much warning, Evan veered harshly to the right in order to catch the open door of the small coffee shop so he wouldn't have to pull the large door open. Why go through the effort of pulling your hand back and hauling a heavy wooden door so you can enter an establishment? Evan didn't see the point, really.

But, being the somewhat empathetic person that he is, Evan shouted behind him as he reached for the door, "Sorry, everyone! I see an opportunity where I don't actually have to do anything to get into a building. You'd do the same thing!"

Softy closing the door behind him, Evan rolled up the sleeves of his long-sleeved t-shirt and glanced around the little shop he found himself inside of. Stuffed into the small space was an enormous crowd of people, making their way through intricately placed furniture - stained wooden tables with matching bar stools, plush chairs and large couches. Of all the places Evan wanted to get his coffee, this wasn't really one of them. Too overcrowded and probably overly expensive based on the furniture.

Casually strolling up to what he presumed was the end of the line, Evan stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets and sighed. After a considerable amount of time had gone by and the line still hadn't moved up much, Evan started humming one of his band's songs. He stared at the back of the head in front of him blankly, just for something to do. His gaze suddenly wandered lower, to where he could see the beginnings of a tattoo on the right side of this man's neck. Evan's eyes widened dramatically. Was it...? No, it couldn't be....

"Frankie?"

The man in front of Evan whipped around to face him, his hazel eyes shining. A grin quickly formed on Frank's face as he lunged forward to engulf Evan in a hug.

"EVAN!"

Evan hugged back with vigor, excited to see his friend. "Wait - Frank, I think we need to make this moment more special. And there's only one thing that can do that."

Both men were smirking, obviously thinking the same thing. They both turned to the side and started backing up as far as they could go - it was only a few feet due to the suffocating mixture of dense people and extensive furniture - then both yelled at exactly the same time, "GLOMP!"

Evan threw himself the few feet towards Frank as Frank did the same, each of them hugging each other again and spinning around like a newly married couple. Frank even lifted Evan off the ground and started twirling him around, knocking into a few people in the process. Eventually, though, they had to let go - both of them were being glared at by the many patrons in the coffee house as well as most of the employees. They only got mildly concerned when a rather tall man in a crisp tan shirt and dark brown pants walked purposefully toward them.

"Excuse me, sirs, but what do you think you're doing?" He stood straight up, his posture nearing perfection, and glared down at Frank and Evan - obviously they were two hooligans trying to stir up trouble in his prized business.

"Uhm, glomping. Duh," Frank stated in a matter-of-fact tone, while still holding onto Evan's arm. Evan only smiled largely in reply, showing off all his teeth to the smartly-dressed owner.

"Well, I suggest you don't glomp anymore in my store, or else you will be evacuated from the premises."

"Okay, we won't glomp...." Evan said dejectedly, hanging his head. The owner of the coffee house seemed pleased with his answer and walked away, back into his office to sit around and do nothing while the hustle and bustle of the shop gradually slipped back to normal.

"So do we have to just stand here and wait in line like normal people? Or can we use our celebrity statuses to get us to the front of the line?" Evan continued sarcastically after the coffee shop owner was well into his office.

After a moment, Frank answered, "I think it would be best if we just stand here. Gerard says that I shouldn't flaunt the fact that I'm famous unless I want to be swallowed by dozens of people asking for autographs. And I normally like to give autographs, but not at seven thirty in the morning. Especially since I haven't had my damn coffee yet."

"But Jackie tells me that all the time and I don't listen to him! Why should you listen to Gerard? What does he know?" Evan started laughing at this point, thinking of this as one of their usual sarcastic charades. He knew that he certainly wasn't famous, especially not when compared with Frank Iero.

Frank retorted, "Gerard knows a lot of things! Awesome things! Like...sexy things. Yeah," he giggled, a dreamy look quickly etching itself onto his clean-shaven features. "Sexy."

Forcing his eyes together so that they formed small slits, Evan glared upon Frank with a dejected and hurt look on his face. "I know sexy things, too...."

"I know you do! Why do you think I dumped him back at our tour bus for coffee at seven thirty? I'd rather hang out with you." Frank smiled widely at Evan, trying to cheer him up.

In a split second, there was a wide grin on Evan's face as he replied, "Yay, I'm sexier than Gerard Way! Ego boost, all right!"

Suddenly, a girl in front of Frank and Evan in line turned around to face them, her long brown hair whipping past her head and almost hitting Frank in the face. "No," she said sternly, looking Evan in the eye, "You are not sexier than Gerard Way. No one is sexier than Gerard Way." And, as abruptly as she faced them, she whipped back around to face forward towards the ever-approaching counter.

Evan, after getting over the immediate stunned silence he had when she had been talking to him, began to pout. And not just in a 'Mommy-won't-give-me-a-cookie-so-I'll-sit-here-and-look-sad-until-she-caves' kind of pout, but a frown that took over his entire face and brought his mood right back down to zero on the happiness scale.

"LIES," Frank whispered to Evan, cupping his hands around his mouth and Evan's ear so that no one else around them could read Frank's lips as he spoke.

Though it did cheer Evan up a little, he was still in a sour mood by the time they got their coffee. While waiting in line, Frank tried numerous tactics to get Evan to cheer up - including simple magic tricks, stupid jokes, and interpretive dance - but they were to no avail.

After receiving their caffeinated beverages and paying for them, Evan and Frank walked together down the same sidewalk, though it was filled with considerably less people than when Evan was out in it earlier. They were close enough to each other where a passer-by would consider them good friends.

"What do you plan on doing today?" Frank asked, taking a quick sip of his non-fat Espresso Con Panna with a dash of soy milk and wincing at the hot temperature.

"Uhm, nothing...just trying not to be bored. You?" Evan sighed, staring at his coffee cup filled with plain black coffee and almost walking into another stranger.

"ME TOO! Let's not be bored together!"

"Okay...."

"Aw, come on, man," Frank said, putting a hand around Evan's shoulders and pulling him toward him. "Just because some random girl said that Gerard's hotter than everyone else on the planet doesn't mean she's speaking the truth! I mean, she should've seen me - I'm obviously hotter than Gerard. And you're hotter than me! So there."

Evan began to smile softly as he gulped down the remainder of his coffee and threw it away at one of the corner trash bins. Frank stopped, turning his body halfway to the left and looking down the perpendicular street. Raising his hand, Frank shouted, "HEY LOOK! FUN STUFF!" and bolted down the next sidewalk, quickly latching his hand around Evan's wrist and dragging him down the street. In all actuality, though, Frank didn't do much dragging; Evan's mood was right back up again as he spotted the overly-elaborate Halloween costume shop that Frank was so intent on going into.

When they finally approached the doors of the store, only slightly out of breath, Frank turned to Evan and said, "Halloween's my favorite holiday."

"I would have never guessed." Evan grinned, linking his arm through Frank's and skipping into the shop.

They walked up and down the seemingly endless aisles of cliché Halloween costumes, wigs, hats, and make-up before they finally stumbled upon the small collection of odd trinkets and accessories. Frank, scanning each object carefully as if it were a three-thousand year old human artifact, jumped up and clapped his hands together with a small squeal escaping his lips when he saw it.

"Oh my God, look at how big that mustache is!"

Evan, who was looking at the other side of aisle, turned around abruptly and quickly found the large fake facial hair hanging smack-dab in front of his face.

"Wow...."

Frank excitedly snatched the piece off of the rack and held it up to his face. "What do you think?"

"You look like a weird Mexican uncle."

"All right! I'm so buying this."

"YOU NEED A MATCHING SOMBRERO," Evan called as he sprinted across the store to the Spanish area. Frank trotted along after him, eager to complete his outfit.

The pair walked up and down the two-and-a-half aisles of Mexican and Spanish outfits and accessories before they had well over one hundred dollars worth of supplies. Frank wasn't quite sure why he wanted this entire get-up, but it was more fun spending money on useless things when you were laughing with an Evan Wise about it.

"Dude, that was awesome. We should play a prank on someone with that outfit. I'd bet you'd look nothing like yourself," Evan said as they walked out of the store, Frank carrying three large bags full of supplies.

"Yeah! Especially with the fat suit we bought..."

"Who should we prank?"

"I was thinking about pranking Gerard, but...he knows more Spanish than I do. And he'd probably be able to tell it was me because I'd say something like, 'My pen foot drink cheese stove pie."

"WE SHOULD PRANK JACKIE." Evan's face lit up as an overpowering and mischievous grin overtook his scruffy features. Frank matched Evan's grin as they both ran back to the My Chemical Romance tour bus where Frank would be able to change into his outfit.

When the pair reached the bus, Frank and Evan covertly slipped inside to find not one other person awake at the time. Frank quickly went into the bathroom and changed quietly while Evan sat down on the sofa and read a random book he found lying on it. The book wasn't really all that interesting, something about this Milo guy and how he bombs this American squadron of combat pilots, and Evan soon tossed the book back onto the sofa and dashed over to the mini-bathroom where Frank was still changing.

"How's it coming? Do you have the fat suit on yet?" Evan whispered with his hands near the door, his eyes suspiciously wandering to the left where the rest of the band members slept.

"No! This stupid thing is too sticky...it's like they used actual fat in this and not like, cotton or something...."

"Here, lemme help," Evan said, opening the bathroom door and squeezing into the bathroom. The room was cramped already, with a toilet and sink taking up most of the available space. But with Frank's extra-large fat suit crammed inside the room as well, there wasn't nearly any space left for Evan to stand, so he ended up sitting precariously on the sink instead.

Everything moved rather smoothly after that, even though Evan leaned back and accidentally turned on the cold water from the sink and it got the whole backside of his shirt and jeans wet, which caused Frank to have a laughing fit. But Evan got his revenge when Frank wasn't able to get out of the bathroom because of all the extra mass he had recently acquired. They both had to squeeze everything through the door and Frank almost knocked his head on the side of the refrigerator right in front of him.

Frank and Evan froze when they heard a large thud that sounded suspiciously like someone falling out of their bunk.

"What was that?" Evan asked.

"Probably Mikey falling out of his bunk again. Seriously, we need to give him one of the floor bunks, he falls out of them so often…."

"Oh," Evan replied, not really convinced. "Come on, let's get out of here before someone sees you."

Both men were soon out the door of the bus without anyone interrupting them. Evan then pushed Frank forward toward the No Man's Land tour bus and subsequently hid behind My Chemical Romance's tour bus so that Jackie wouldn't see him.

Frank strode up to the bus, swaying slightly and patting his protruding stomach lovingly. He knocked weakly on the tour bus two times, and then pounded on it fiercely with no hesitation. Evan giggled softly.

"What's going on, dude?" Gerard said loudly from behind Evan, making him jump up in surprise. Grinning, Gerard lit up a cigarette for himself and leant against the side of his band's bus. "Whoa, a little jumpy, are we?"

Evan put his index finger over his mouth to tell Gerard to be quiet. Gerard nodded and Evan beckoned him over with his hand.

"Who the hell is that?" Gerard whispered to Evan when they were both peaking around the side of My Chemical Romance's tour bus.

"That is Frank," Evan said quietly and obviously, watching Frank intensely so that he wouldn't miss someone opening his band's tour bus and seeing him.

"Why does he have a sombrero and ridiculously colored clothing on?" Gerard asked after a moment's hesitation, turning his gaze toward Evan again.

Evan sighed, "Because. We're playing a prank on Jackie. Shush."

Gerard's mouth formed an 'O' as he diverted his attention back toward Frank, and just in time. It was in that moment that the door to No Man's Land's tour bus swung open and a groggy, disheveled, red-haired lead singer stood on the steps, staring down at Frank. Frank, meanwhile, was trying not to start laughing outright and give away his disguise.

Jackie rubbed his eyed tiredly and tried to get a good look at the plump man in front of him. "Go away, we don't want your Mexican food...."

Frank almost had to put his hand on top of his mouth to keep from laughing. "No, no señor! Me no have food...."

Jackie ignored the man with the large mustache in front of him and yelled behind him back into the bus. "Hey, whoever ordered Mexican food at nine in the morning is so dead!"

“No, no!” Frank replied in his fake Mexican accent, jumping up and down a little. He felt odd as the blubber rippled around him when his feet met the ground each time. “Mi empanada del queso de la pluma! Mi empanada del queso de la pluma!”

Jackie only blinked a few times in response before slamming the door shut in Frank’s face, muttering, “I must be dreaming, I must be dreaming, I must still be dreaming.”

Frank turned around, smiling wickedly and continuing to pat his large stomach proudly until he reached the other side of his band’s tour bus, where he and Evan fell to the ground laughing while Gerard just chuckled at them and took a drag off his cigarette.