The Kill

I guess I was lucky that nobody else was driving down the same street as I was, seeing as the lines in the road seemed to simply blur into the charcoal colored, glittering asphault. I lifted one hand carfully, swiping it across my eyes quickly in attempt to make my eyesight a bit clearer. It worked. Though there was nothing that I could do to save my heart from shattering. Yes, I know, you're probably thinking that something like that sounds awkward coming from a guy's point of view, but trust me, if you went through what I did, you'd say the same.

My foot pressed down fast and hard on the brake pedal, the brakes screeching as my car came to a sudden stop at the light, giving me a bit of time to attempt to gather myself back together enough to drive properly. I glanced down, gently picking at the outside seam of my jeans, my blue orbs only looking back up as I noticed a slight shine of green hitting the hood of my car.

A low sigh made it's way passed my lips as I finally managed to relax a bit. I still felt as if I swimming in a large pool of midnight blue, not one single light or person around me to help me out; no, the only person that could help me was myself, and I knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon.

An ever so slight smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I finally reached my house. Peace and quiet, at least, the house would be, unlike my mind which was running at what felt like a million miles per hour. One thought then another, image after image, memories following each other, simply flooding my mind. My hand shuffles through my pocket, searching for my keys in their small hiding place, though I truly have no recolection of even slipping them in there in the short distance between my car and the front door of my house. I finally feel a small loop hitting the pad of my finger, only causing the image of the ring I had chosen for her to pop into my head.

I could feel my eyes glaze over, like there was a sheet of glass covering them, keeping anyone from being able to see what I truly felt as I stodd there, fingertips simply playing with the keyring. I don't know what exactly pulled me out of my trance like state, though I did manage to come back to reality, knowing that the keyring was only that; a keyring.

The jingling sound that my keys made as I withdrew them from my pocket caused me to flinch. My hand shook slightly as I reached it out to slip the key into the bottom keyhole, turning it and quickly slipping inside my house, quickly closing the door behind myself. My breathing had started coming in slightly shallow gasps, as if I'd been being chased by a criminal and had finally found a place to hide away.

I could hear the phone ringing somewhere off in the distance; that annoying same tone over and over before my voice rang out from the answering machine. 'Hey, you've reached Benjamin. I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name and number I'll get back to you as soon as possible.' Following that was that loud beeping sound, then there it was. That angelic voice of her's ringing out clearly in my ears; my brain unable to process the words she spoke as it was already filled with memories, images and thoughts of where I went wrong.

"Ben, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done it. Please, baby. Just.. Please come over here and let's talk about this."

That's what her message said when I replayed it later on that night, when my brain wasn't a complete pool of constant memories. I could hear something in her voice; still angelic, but there was something hiding in it, something trying to break out, though she fought to hold it back. Fear? Pain? Love? Worry?

I decided I would simply settle on pain. It seemed to fit the situation; though I didn't quite grasp why she would feel pain when she was the one who clearly decided to go against me. She was the one to seem to give me everything, just to pull it out from beneath me.