Speed Dialing

Gerard

“Face it, man,” Ray told me with his hand at my shoulder. “She’s gone.”
I gripped my cell phone in my hands all the while trying not to break down. Marilyn Highmore was gone. She was out of my life. Could I really handle that? I honestly couldn’t believe that I could. I had to call her one more time. It had been a week since I had seen her and then she had just disappeared.
I can’t blame her though. She walked out for a reason. Hey, at least she had a reason. I had broken so many damn promises and now I realized the main importance. She couldn’t even trust me anymore and even though that was true, it still hurt. I lost her trust and I lost her in general.
I flipped open my phone and went straight for the phone book, going right to the “M” section where Marilyn’s number lay in a file. I pressed the call button with my thumb and then pressed the phone to my ear.
“Dude.” Ray sighed heavily and shook his head at my stubbornness. Ray dropped his hand from my shoulder and walked away, giving me my own personal space.
I had a feeling that told me she wasn’t going to answer but that all changed when a clicking noise was made. The ringing had stopped and after a second or so of silence, the voice I grew to love spoke to me, “Gerard?”
“Yeah, it’s me.” I cursed at myself in my thoughts as I wondered why the hell I couldn’t come up with a better reply.
Marilyn stayed silent but I could hear her breath against the phone every so often. I could tell she was nervous as I knew she would breath shallow breaths whenever she became nervous.
“Uh, where are you?” I asked her awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck. “I mean.. I haven’t seen you in a week and we had to continue the tour so..” I trailed off as my finger plucked and played with one of the buttons of my jacket.
“I’m back in California.” Marilyn told me cutting me off short. I felt my heart skip a beat and my breath quicken. She went home without me. She went to our home without me. I felt like that was a slap to the face.
“Why?” I asked her, pressing my lips together, almost as if to shut me up from saying anything else. I shoved my free hand in the pocket of my coat as I awaited her answer.
“Because.. I needed to think.” Marilyn told me. “I couldn’t go on tour like this.” She told me and just went on, “I’m a wreck.”
I didn’t expect the continuation of that.
“Because of you.”
“Me?” I inquired, my heart skipping another beat once more. I knew I didn’t have to pretend to be stupid and ask why. I knew why.
“Yeah.” Marilyn replied, “I don’t want to discuss this over the phone.. Uhm, next time you stop here, come over here so you can pack your things..” Marilyn’s voice became soft and I swear, they tugged and ripped at my heart strings. I couldn’t take this anymore. I lost her for good. For good. This wasn’t like other times where we almost broke up.
We DID break up. She was practically telling me and I felt terrible. I had caused her to go over the edge and it’s all because of drinking. Shit, I made a promise now. A real promise. I wasn’t going to drink again, ever.
“Okay. I will.” I told her, coughing as I tried to cover the cracked tone of my voice. “Uhm.. I miss you.”
Marilyn stayed silent and then I heard her shuffle. I guessed she had squirmed in her seat. “I miss the old you.” She mumbled just loud enough into the phone before hanging up.
Just after that I cried.