Beautiful Tragedy

I couldn't sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind replayed the kiss, over and over like a broken record. The kiss was everything I'd imagined it to be and more, the passion, the longing.

I sighed, turning over in my bunk and let my eyes flutter shut. I tried to shut out the image, think about something else; but instead the memory came back stronger, expanding. Instead of him pulling away and telling me to get out, Gerard would pull back and look me in the eyes.

"I love you." He'd mutter, "You don't know how much I've wanted to do that."

I'd smile, agree and kiss him, letting him do whatever he wanted to me and enjoying every second of it until we'd end up on the floor of his studio in the back of the tour bus, and I'd be listening to the sound of his heart beat echoing through his bare chest like the sound of birds in the trees, or rain hitting your window.

I opened my eyes, sighing in aggravation. I wouldn't mind this, if it wasn't for the fact that that kiss was a one off. Gerard had made that clear enough. But now I'd had a taster, I wanted to go and get the whole product. But something was still there, he still couldn't trust me enough.

I still wanted to find out what that was.

He didn't seem depressed, he looked scared, intimidated almost regretful after the kiss. Although his body language showed a completely different story.

I pulled my ipod from my bag that I'd previously hung at the end of my bunk, and found flicked through the artists until I found The Used. My band. Selecting a song that was at the minute, the bands favourite to play, I listened to the rubbishy demo of my voice.

See all those people on the ground
Wasting time.
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight;
On top of the world
I'm sitting here wishing
The things I've become
But something is missing
Maybe I....What do I know?

And to the comforting sounds of my best friends and myself, with the memories of us hanging out I fell asleep.

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
So slow it down, slow it down
Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And i'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing at all.

I'm on my own.