Beautiful Tragedy

"Bert! Wake up!"

Somebody was shaking me, my body resisted and I curled up tighter on the sofa, screwing my eyes against the light that was now streaming from somewhere it never had before. I was suddenly aware of an aching in my back, and I stretched out before wincing and assuming my previous position.

"Bert, get up." The voice sounded bored now, and I tried to put a name to it, but sleep still had me consumed to the point of semi-consciousness.

"Whassamattar?" My voice was lazy, my mouth was dry and my stomach was eating itself through hunger, but I didn't have the energy to move.

"Get up, or I'm getting Gerard." I shot up from wherever I was sleeping and looked around me quickly. My eyes were still blurred from sleep, but from what I could tell there was only one other person in the room. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Beth! You can't do that!" I yawned, and then looked around again, this time noting my surroundings. "Why am I on the sofa? What time is it?"

"You fell asleep there and we couldn't wake you up. It's 5pm."

My mind raced back and I tried to figure out how long I'd been asleep. The sleep had still made me drowsy, and it took me a few minutes to remember.

"That can't be right." I frowned, "I fell asleep at 5.30pm. Your watch must have stopped."

Beth rolled her eyes, and pointed to the calender we kept hanging on the side of the wall, crossing out each day as it went to know how long we had left and what venue we were at.

"You crossed today out alrea-Oh!" The last word was heavy with realization, and for a minute I was proud that I was able to sleep for that long, and then I really realized the meaning of how long I'd been asleep. "Oh god! I missed the gig, but who done my jobs!? And who done my jobs today? Oh god! Are they going to fire me?"

"Me and Jess done your jobs." She sighed, "And they're not going to fire you because all of your jobs were done so they didn't realize anything was wrong. But now, I want to sit down, and I think you owe me that much at least."

"Thank you. Ugh, sorry." I moved over so she could sit down next to me. A wasted day, and some wasted opportunities to break through Gerard's shell.

"Do you want me to make you a coffee?" I got up and bent my stiff legs before I padded through to the kitchen area, trying to keep my hands busy as I thought of what I could have done in the time I'd been sleeping.

By the time the kettle boiled, I'd started to consider going as far as dating. I could have asked him on a date, he could have said yes.

I stopped myself. I wasn't in love with the man. He just intrigued me, right?
And anyway, it's not as if we would get married or anything, even if we did go on a date.

The thought conjured up an image in my head. I was standing at the altar, with Quinn - who was my best man. There was a priest in front of me, and the whole church was full to the doors of our friends and family. Everybody stood up and I turned to see Gerard walking towards me, a small, nervous smile playing on his lips as he walked up to greet me. His hair was styled, and he was wearing a plain black suit, and he looked absolutely beautiful. As he reached me, I lent out and took his hand, the nerves showing in my eyes as well.

'I love you so much.' He'd mouth to me, as the priest called everybody's attention.

'Not as much as I love you.'

"Thanks, Bert."

Beth's voice knocked me out of my daydream, and I cringed at the corny thoughts that had been floating around in my head. It wasn't like that, was it?

I hadn't even noticed that I'd made the coffee, and as I walked back into the kitchen area, I realized I hadn't made myself one. Well, if that wasn't my subconscious telling me to do something, I don't know what is. I grabbed my jacket from the hook next to the door and swung it over my shoulders, telling myself I'd shower later on.

"I'll be back later." I called to Beth, not so much for permission, but so I couldn't stop myself. I knew what I had to do. I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket and checked the time. 5.10. Perfect. He'd just be coming out of sound check.

I jogged over to the venue, and just as I approached he came out of the door. I grinned, and slowed to a walk, and dropped to the pace next to him.

"Hi." I smiled at him, no signs of sarcasm or anything he could take wrong there.

"What do you want, Bert?" He didn't even look at me, just sighed.

"Can't a friend talk to another friend without wanting something?" Sounds innocent enough, right?

"I'm not your friend." Ouch, "Get it over with."

"Well, fine. Aqaitance if you're going to be pedantic about it. I was just wondering if you'd like to come and grab a coffee with me. I heard there was a starbucks around here somewhere."

Okay, so that wasn't necessarily true, but what's a town without a StarBucks?

"I think I'll pass. Mikey probably got me some." I looked at him again, his body language. He was wearing a baggy hoodie, and some khaki three-quarter length pants. He had his hands tucked safely in his pockets. I frowned, this wasn't going as I'd hoped.

The picture of a wedding shattered in my mind.

"What about a joke?" I grinned, and I knew he wouldn't resist.

"I have a feeling I can't stop you, might as well get it over and done with." He said, stopping to face me reluctantly.

"What winks, and is great in bed?" I asked, chuckling to myself as I remembered when I'd used this at home.

Gerard shrugged and frowned, his eyebrows contorting the shape of his face. I didn't say anything, but instead I winked.

"You know something, Bert? You're not as bad as I thought."

I felt like I was going to implode, my heart started to beat faster, my muscles warmed, and my hands tingled with excitement. Maybe this was what I'd been waiting for, maybe this was the breakthrough I'd been working so hard at for so long. Maybe this was where he declared his love for me, tells me how he's never loved anybody as much as he loved me.

"Really?"

I tried to compose myself, I pulled a hand through my hair, trying to get rid of the most obvious knots, and allowed a tiny smile to creep on my face, reflecting only the tiniest of the pleasure I felt coursing through my body. I tried remember to breathe. There was nothing that would spoil the moment than me passing out right now.

"Yeah. You're worse. Just leave me alone."

And with that, Gerard turned and walked away, again leaving my heart in tatters, my hope evaporated and my ever long optimism dissolved. As I felt the tears sting my eyes I jumped onto the tourbus, and slammed the door so hard that it bounced back open again, but I'd gone too far to notice. I was already at my bunks, ignoring the concern of my bus-mates and whipped the curtain across.

That's it, Gerard Way.
You've had your chance, and you've ruined it.