Drumsticks, Starter Kits and Bass Guitars

"So..." Heaven said into the phone, "How exactly did you get the Hitler parents to agree to this."

"I cried," Nell's voice answered, completely unashamed.

Heaven laughed.

"I assume that since you're calling to tell me that you'll see us tomorrow in Chicago that Minnie-cakes got there alright?"

"Yeah, she got here fine. Said to tell you thanks for getting her a middle seat. She was stuck between a toddler and a four hundred pound guy for the whole flight."

"Haha, Tarra booked her ticket. I made Pedo hook you guys up." Heaven bragged.

"And by hook up you mean?"

"I threatened to hack his sidekick so he'd buy you first class tickets."

"Oh Em Gee...you equal love," Nell said in a fake teenie voice.

"I think he only agreed cause him and Cristi are together now."

"Note to self: Cristi is eww." Nell said with disdain.

"Hahaha. I swear he's not that bad."

"Uh-huh."

"Could be worse," Heaven sang.

"What's worse than Pedo?"

"Tarr-Lyn could lose it to McCracken."

"Ewwww...Images! They burn! Ahhh!" The distinct sound of the phone dropping.

"Nell? Hello? Nell-ness...hellllllooooooo!"

"Sorry. Minnie just left my shower without any clothes."

"It's all the same parts," Heaven says sagely, with a sigh.

"Says the girl who's been arrested for nudity how many times?"

"Hey! I can't help that Truth or Dare always turns into nudity!"

"You're the only one who ever gets naked."

"Meh...you'd get naked too if the alternative was Bert's peen."

"Right then...I'm done. See you tomorrow."

"No Nell, don't leave me! Our set is over, Tarra is visiting people and I'm lonely!"

"You'll find a way to amuse yourself!" Nell said cheerfully before Heaven heard the dial tone.

She stared at her phone pouting.

"Hey."

That voice...oh god. She looked up from her still opened sidekick and sure enough there was William.

"Ermph," she said listlessly, looking back at her phone.

"She's gone."

"Who told you?"

"Kinda figured it out myself."

Heaven sighed, "Good for you."

It should have been snide, angry, anything. It wasn't, it was just a statement. She looked up at him, her bangs in her eyes and sighed again. Her heart hurt.

"I--I'm gonna just..."

She was running before her brain registered the movement. All legs and knees and scraping. And then she was staring down at her ripped jeans, knees skinned, eyes filled with tears as she bit her lip. Sniffling she just sat there, sure that she was making a spectacle of herself. She couldn't find it in her to care.
Oh fuck it!

Sturdy arms wrapped around her, lifting her off the ground and she looked up gratefully expecting to see Little Brother or Bert. But there was skinny Ryan Ross carrying her to the Panic bus.

Strong little fucker she thought to herself as he sat her on the couch in the living area.
He kinda waved at her to stay there as he disappeared into the bathroom. He came back a few minutes later carrying a first aid kit. He popped it open pulling out bandages and peroxide.

She watched amused as he took care of her knees for her. When she winced as he smeared in a cold anti-biotic onto the tender flesh he just looked her in the eye with a comforting grin. After he'd stuck the last bandage in place she sat there looking at him.
Her smile spread before she could help it.

"I like you."

She left him with that small tidbit and a kiss on the cheek. She really needed a nap, her favorite pair of jeans were ruined and Matt was now gone, which meant that she had no one to snuggle with.

She found herself knocking on a door before she could help herself. Mike answered, as per usual.

"Hey," he said.

"Siska?"

He pointed back and she laughed to herself. She waited for him outside the bathroom door.

"You know," she said when he emerged (alone for once), "For being the dirtiest kid in the band I seem to catch you bathing alot."

He laughed, "They beat me up when I haven't showered in a while. Mike likes to pull my mullet."

"Why do you call that a mullet? Cause it doesn't look like one."

He pouted. "Fine...it's a mullet...hold me? Just for a little while?"

He nodded, pointed toward his bunk.

"It's clean in there right? I know how you are with your groupie whores..."

"Get in the bunk," he pushed her in head first, climbing in in a pair of jeans.

"Did you just..."

"Heaven?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Sisky Business?"

"Yahp?"

"Heart-age you."

She closed her eyes, rolled over and slid her back into his chest. His arm wrapped around her waist as her eyes closed and she drifted off into sleep.
Her phone vibrating between the two of them woke her up. Her face was hidden in his chest, his nose buried at the nape of her neck. She stretched, rolled over to the other side and pulled the sidekick from her front pocket and looked over the IM, completely forgetting that she had signed in earlier.

TheDominantRy: Hey Heaven!
InLoveWithALoser: Rylan, my little sk8er bud!
TheDominantRy: How r things?
InLoveWithALoser: Hard
TheDominantRy: Huh?
InLoveWithALoser: brb

Heaven poked Adam in the chest. His eyes fluttered open and she looked at him with innocent eyes.

"Nice nap?"

"Mmmhm," he mumbled, still half asleep.

"You're poking me," she told him.

"Pwsha! No'm not."

"You're poking me," she said pointedly.

He flushed, rolling away, "Guess I better take care of that."

"Wash your hands," she said sweetly, looking back at her phone.

TheDominantRy: ?
InLoveWithALoser: Sorry, had to deal with a peen.
TheDominantRy: Its ok ???
TheDominantRy: You should send me pictures!
InLoveWithALoser: Of who? The bands?
TheDominantRy: And you. I wanna see it all.
InLoveWithALoser: K. Hold on.

Heaven flashed a picture of Adam climbing back into the bunk with a giggle. She sent it To Rylan with the caption Adam T. Siska back from jerking off. Then she flashed one of her licking his face, sending that one with the caption: You smell of old people and soap. I like it!

TheDominantRy: ;) G2G, dinner time.
InLoveWithALoser: Later kid.

"Who was that?" Adam asked, reading over her shoulder.

"This kid I met a few weeks ago," she said with a shrug, "He hearts us hardcore."

"He hearts your chest hardcore," Sisky joked.

"Watch it!" she said with a laugh, rolling over him and climbing out of the bunk, "I should go serve some time at the merch booth before we pack up.

With a wave she skipped off the bus and right into William.

"Erm..."

"What were you...?" They started at the same time.

Heaven looked down at the ground, kicked at loose gravel.

Siska popped his head out of the door, "Hey, you forgot your jacket. Oh, wow, awkward."

He tossed the jacket to her and shut the door.

"So," William said, "You and Adam?"

"Yeah...wait...no. Not like that."

"Oh. I--look, I'm sorry," he said, pulling her hands into his.

She shook her head, "Sorry for what Bill? Sorry for not explaining? Sorry for hurting me? Or are you sorry cause it's not enough?"

He looked hurt and she felt a small bit of satisfaction from it.

"It's not?"

"Words don't fix a damn thing," she hissed pulling her hands away. And she ran away from him again. She was doing that alot lately.

******

"I hate airports," Heaven muttered the next day as the stood with Tarra, Cristi, Brendon and Bert looking for Minnie and Nell.

"Maybe their flight was delayed," Tarra said.

"Oh I hope not," Cristi said with a sigh looking around her.

"She really thinks I'm scary?" Bert asked for the seventieth time that day.

"Yes!" Tarra huffed.

*******

"Oh come on, it's not that big a deal!" Heaven argued with a security guard fifteen minutes later as he pulled her off the baggage claim machine.

She had been standing on the machine, walking against the belt screaming for Minnie and Nell at the top of her lungs. Finally security had strolled over, secured her in handcuffs and was now dragging her to the dreaded back area where they keep the terrorists.

"Oh come on, live a little," she tried, "Rock n Roll?"

"Don't worry Heaven, we'll get you out," Tarra assured her friend, Nell and Minnie securely at her side.

"Bert! Go call back up!" Tarra snapped. Bert took off for the nearest payphone.

"Doesn't he have a cell?" Minnie asked, watching him disappear.

"Yahp...just doesn't use it much...doesn't want cancer."

Back up arrived twenty minutes later in the form of William Beckett.

"What!" Bert whined, "It's the only number I remembered off the top of my head."

Minnie took one look at him and punched him.

"What the fuck? What was that for?"

"For being a bitch," Minnie said nonchalantly.

William shook his head and ambled off to the backroom, emerging with Heaven a few minutes later.

"Figures," Brendon said, "He had home field advantage."

"Oh look," Minnie said meanly, "Boyd used a sports analogy."

"Where's Nell?" Heaven asked.

"She went to the bathroom, like, fifteen minutes ago."

"Shouldn't someone go check on her or something?"

"I'll do it!" Bert shouted and ran into the woman's restroom before anyone could stop him.

There was high pitched screaming and Bert came running out, Nell slung over his shoulder. She was pounding at his back.

"Put me down...disgusting!...Eww... McCracken! Tarra!" It was all coming out too fast to register and left the rest of them watching in amusement while Bert twirled the small girl.

"I saved her!" he said proudly, "The stall was trying to eat her but I kicked that shit down and here she is!"

He sat her down between Tarra and Beckett; she kicked him in the shin. Then she looked up at William, head cocked to the side.

"What's that doing here?" she asked pointing at Bill before pulling a fist back and planting it in his face.

"What was that for?" Bill asked, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

"Cause you're a bitch," she said sweetly, "Come on, Heaven said I could kick that icky Ryan Ross."

***********

Walking through Warped Tour at ten am with Nell and Minnie was...interesting. After Nell and Minnie had met Gerard and Quinn (most of the other guys were still sleeping) they took pleasure in picking on Shaant and Jeff from Cute. Minnie also had a very heated arguement with Patrick in which she called him "super-sized" and extra cuddly.

Patrick was saved from further name calling by Pete. Of course Pete didn't escape unscathed and spent the next couple of hours hiding anytime they were in sight.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Heaven asked the lunch table in general.

"Well...There's the set at two, and then you, Panic and Fall Out Boy are giving that secret show at Fireside."

"Oh yeah, the secret show!" Heaven yelled, getting a few odd looks from around the food tent.

"Oh my god!" Nell shouted, "It's Ross!"

She sprinted up to him, apple in hand. He paused to look at her and she stood there eyeing him for a second.
The slap echoed through the tent.

"You're icky," she said flouncing off.

"You're the greatest," Minnie laughed as her friend ran up. Nell smiled at her cheekily.

Heaven strapped her bass to her back and prepared to go on stage. Little Brother was hanging near the stairs, helping Keri restring her guitar quickly.

"I can't believe the fucker snapped like that!" she said with an annoyed laugh.

"Trust me when I say I can," Brandon told her.

"What does that mean?"

"I'm just saying," Brandon said grinning, "You did let Heaven play it the other day. She is a little heavy when it comes to her strings."

"Damn it," Keri muttered to herself, "I should have thought about that before I let her touch my baby."

Brandon laughed, "You're good to go."

He did the hand motion from the Taco Bell commercial. Keri laughed and stepped on stage.

"Look Tarra," Cristi said laughing, "Keri's gonna play the show all by herself."

The other two girls laughed. Heaven shook her head climbing up on stage with her friend.

"So Keri Leigh, how's life?"

"Heaven...I see you every day."

"Yeah, but I was just trying to distract you while Tarra snuck up behind you."

Tarra tackled Keri. Her arms flew in the air flailing as she fell, feet flying out from under her.

Heaven and Cristi laughed. Keri climbed to her feet, rubbing her hip where her guitar had dug into her protruding bone.

"This first song," Heaven said into the mic, "Is called 'Does Barry Manilow know...' but Keri and Tarra didn't like the title. On the demo it's called Wandering Eyes."

Keri led off while Heaven danced on her side of the stage. The bass wasn't supposed to come in until after the drums. She waited ten seconds after Tarra started her part and then she picked up the song. Cristi began to sing.

Once upon a time your eyes were my home,
Now they're my grave,
Bury me so deep (babe)...

When they climbed off the stage they were sweaty and smiling. Minnie was making fun of the lyrics to Wandering Eyes.

"Seriously though," she giggled, "Poor Cristi has it worse than Patrick."

Heaven stuck her tongue out at her friend, "I was in a mood."

That sentance always explained the things she did. If she ate paint chips with ketchup...well, she was in a mood. If she took it upon herself to call Tarra Alexandra Godlfish for a month solid...well, she was in a mood.
The first time she had tried to kill herself she had explained it away that way.

"I was in a mood."

It was never that she was moody, She was just in a mood.

Heaven's phone began ringing. It was the Jaws Theme.

"Hello?" she said into her sidekick.

"Heaven?" her little sister Chy (Shy) said into the phone, "I sent you pictures! I was in a play."

"Really? Sweetness. I'll have to check my email later. So what are you doing?"

"Brushing my teeth. Mom's in a mood."

"Haha. Yeah, that happens alot."

"I told my friends who you were. They didn't believe me."

"I've met most of your friends. They should all know me. Remember your birthday party..."

"Don't remind me. You were more excited about that stupid pinata than the rest of the party put together."

"It was shaped Like Scooby-Doo."

"You're a kid," Cheyenne said fondly.

"Pfft...you're a kid. I'm just a really bad adult."

"Hey, I have to go...long distance. Mom says hi and she loves you and Brandon."

"Love you guys too. Give Papa Kev my best. Later darlin'."

Heaven shut off her phone looking down at it. "I miss that kid."

"She brought up the pinata again?" Brandon asked with a laugh.

"Just cause I was the only one who played with it..."

"You're a little big--"

"Most of the kids in her class are taller than me!" Heaven protested, "Those bitches were just jealous of my mad pin the tail skills."

Brandon laughed, "What you mean when you castrated the poor thing."

Heaven giggled, "I taught you that word..." And she flounced off to pack her bass for the secret show.

"Hey!" William again.

"Damn it," she muttered to herself, turning to look at him.

Persistant bastard. She took joy in the fact that she didn't have the deer-in-th-headlights look on her face.

"I know you're busy avoiding me," he said with a sigh, "But I really do wanna make it up to you."

"I'm not sure you can Bill. Can't you just leave it alone for now?"

"I'm scared," he said, "Scared that if I leave it alone it won't get dealt with at all."

She sighed, shook her head. She was such a pushover. Tarra had been telling her it was her flaw since she'd met her.

Stab her in the back and she'd pull the knife out, wipe it on her pants and hand it back to you. Tarra's words, honest. She was going to cave. She knew she would. She loved him, she knew it. She loved him after spending nearly a month cuddling and talking. She loved him because he was nice and honest, had never tried to force her into anything and she was going to cave.

And then Tarra was going to beat her ass.

And probably Minnie as well.

"Look, William. I--just. Look. We'll talk later, okay? Just. Find me after the secret show okay? We're stopping at that hotel after right?"

"Alright. It can wait until then I guess," he sighed again and began walking off.

"Bill?" he turned, "I'm sorry too."

*********

The secret show was being held in a small building. It was both a bowling alley and a place to hear local talent. Pete was currently standing in a corner. He had complained when they first got there because Fireside Bowl had changed so much since the last time Fall Out Boy had played there.

"And they totally painted over my name in the bathroom!" he whined. Minnie kicked him, making his knees buckle and then skipping away.

The owner asked that the bands stay in back until after they played their set and then they could mingle with the crowd for a while. They all agreed, having been mingling with people already.

When it was The Dominant E's turn to play they stepped out infront of the packed room. Lights were flashing making Heaven feel dizzy. She just rolled her eyes before closing them for a second. Maybe she shouldn't have eaten that brownie that Tarra gave her.
She stepped close to her friend for a second.

"Tarra, that brownie wasn't hash was it?"

"Nooo..."

"Oh...okay."

The crowd was screaming, waiting for them to start and Heaven had a second to wonder why The Academy is wasn't doing the secret show with Fall Out Boy instead of them. Then she was playing the opening piece of Decade in Hell.

"Gutless!" Her and Tarra screamed together. They could hear a few people screaming with them and it made them smile.

After their set they took off through the crowd. They had to still be there somewhere. Heaven had Tarra's wrist securely between her fingers, pulling her through the bodies as Pete gave the opening to Patron Saint of Liar and Fakes.

"Right fucken there!" Heaven shouted, putting her finger in a girl's face.

Tarra peered at her curiously, "You sure?"

"Absolutely!" Heaven was jumping up and down.

The girl looked a little frightened. She swiped her brown hair from her face and Heaven grinned.

"You were screaming awfully loud," she accused the girl and her friends. The girl nodded.

"Know what that means?" Heaven prodded.

"Umm...not really."

"Party in the back room!" Heaven squealed, "Bring your friends!"

And she let go of Tarra and was dragging the girl to where the others were waiting.

"What's wrong Ross?" Heaven asked, sitting next to the silent boy on a couch. The sound of Patrick's voice could still be heard floating through the curtained off room.

"I...well...that girl kissed me."

"Who, Amy? She's pretty, what's the problem?"

"No...the little one."

Heaven laughed, long and hard, despite the horrified look on his face.

"It's not funny."

"Oh RyRo," she said, tears in her eyes, "Just be glad you don't rhyme with Peter Pan, Pedo Man, or pedophile."

"She kissed me! Seriously...she like, pulled an Anna Nicole or something."

"You're not that much older than her."

"Six years."

"How do you know that?"

"I asked."

"Well, look on the bright side, you could be Tarra Lyn right now."

Both of them turned their attention to Tarra, who was trying to fend off the attention of a kid named Jude. He was sitting too close for Tarra's liking and talking a billion miles an hour. Heaven decided to go save her friend.

"And I'd do anything for love...but I won't do that!" she sang skipping over to Tarra and flouncing onto her friend's lap, straddling her waist. She pressed a kiss to her mouth and then bit her chin.

"Hallo love," Heaven purred.

"Hallo darling," Tarra laughed back.

Jude looked a little let down.

"Don't worry about it kid...Tarra just doesn't date younger," Heaven winked at him while Tarra patted his shoulder reassuringly, "I however...will date anything."

The people who knew her personally laughed. Hell, ever Ross got that joke. Then again, Heaven had been talking to him more. Tarra wouldn't discuss Palahniuk with her because of Saint Gut-Free's story in Haunted.

She knew she shouldn't have let her friend read that chapter...

The hotel was quiet by the time they all got there. Heaven stopped long enough to get her key to her and Tarra's room. She walked up the stairs slowly, refusing to use the elevator. She pulled out her sidekick and sent William a text.
It only took a few seconds before her phone was buzzing back with his room number. She had already passed his floor and had to turn around and go back down three flights of stairs.

She stood in front of his door sooner than she'd of liked and knocked. She expected him to be sharing with Siska but it was a one person room. She sighed and pressed past him into the room.

"Hey," he said softly.

Where once they'd been able to say anything to each other without it being uncomfortable there was this tension between the two.

"Oh hell," she muttered plopping onto his bed like her limbs were just too heavy to hold her anymore.

"Look William," she started, "I hate that you didn't just tell me. That you made it out to be something bigger and worse than it was. I would have understood. In the beginning. It would have hurt less.

"I was scared."

"And I wasn't? I don't do relationships Bill. You're the closest thing I've had in four years. Just because we weren't official didn't mean it wasn't something."

"I-I'm sorry."

"I know."

"Why do you keep...I don't know...brushing my apologies off?"

"It's been my experience that most apologies aren't sincere."

He sighed, took her face in his hands. Kissed her forehead.

"I Am Sorry. Believe me?" His voice was so thick with emotion, so sincere it made tears spring up. Stupid fucken hormones.

"Yes," she pulled her face away, turned to hide the tears.

"That's just another way to run," he accused, "Why are you scared?"

She sighed, "Because you make my heart hurt and I hate it."

"I wish I could make that feeling go away."

"I don't want it to," she whispered softly, pulling her knees to her chest, "I like the other feeling. The good one that comes with it."

Suddleny she felt so small. So small and stupid and she put her head on her knees. Curled into herself, confused and hurt.

"The other feeling?" he asked, knowing what she was saying. Wanting to hear it.

She smiled with out humor, her eyes dull.

"You say it first," she whispered, knowing he had the same problem as her when it came to that word.

Instead he brandished a bottle of rum and she felt a mirthless smile splay across her lips. Two hours later when she stumbled out of the elevator on her floor she looked up and down the hallway. She settled for the third door down and began banging on it. A very confused elderly lady answered the door, husband at her back and Heaven slurred an apology before knocking on the next one over.

In the end she managed to find Tarra after she'd tried her key in seven different doors.

"How'd it go?" Tarra asked sleepily.

Heaven giggled, "I'm not sure, but there was rum."

She wiped sleepily at her wrinkled clothes, rubbing her eyes. Her hand stilled over the hem of her shirt. Her nose wrinkled.

"I'm going to bed," she said looking herself over once more, "Because I'm pretty sure when I wake up it will all be a dream."

In the morning she had a headache. She was mid-vomit when she realized that she was wearing a t-shirt that was definately not hers. To tight around the chest area. And her bra was definatly missing.

"I'm screwed."