Making the Album

"So you two are back together?" Mike asked, flicking the ash from the tip of his cigarette. Billie smiled.

It had been a long time since Mike had seen that smile. It was the same, goofy, puppy love smile Billie had given Adrienne. For a while, Mike had thought it had died with Adrienne.

"Yeah. Yeah." Billie said softly, scuffing his foot on the pavement.
"What did you sing for her?"

Billie laughed, very quietly.

"When I got out of the hospital, Barry called me a cab. And honestly, at that point, I was just done with Tony, and the Dolls. I just wanted to go home and forget everything."

Mike nodded sympathetically.

"And then the cab driver put in this album... Death Cab for Cutie, I think. And it was such a... It just described how I feel about her. Then the driver just looked at me and said, 'you can't give up on her'. Somehow, he knew. I don't know how. And I made him play it on repeat. I spent the entire ride back here figuring out how to play it."
"You're amazing, Bill."

The singer smiled, looking at the ground. It was a flashback to the kid he used to be, when they were just starting out. When Billie had been this shy, sweet little boy and Mike was the smooth, suave ladies man and Tre had been Tre, cool, crazy Tre. Mike smiled to himself. It had been a good time.

"I'm not. I just... I think I love her."
"You tell her that?"

Billie was quiet. Mike sighed.

"Billie... We went through this with Adrienne too."
"I know... I know I should have told her..."
"Then why didn't you?" Mike asked gently.

Billie lit another cigarette and inhaled.

"I don't know... Something inside me... I'm just scared."
"You've got nothing to be afraid of Billie."
"I know..."
"Then what's the matter?"

Billie sank down onto the ground. Tears pricked his eyes, and Billie wiped them away impatiently, smearing his eye liner horribly.

"Mike... I just love her so much. EXACTLY the same way I loved Adrienne. And I'm just terrified that if I tell her, she'll get taken away from me too. Everything I love, somehow it get's taken away."
"Billie, me and Tre, we're still here. Tony, she isn't going to leave you."
"You don't understand, Mike. I was on the fucking phone with her when it happened. I said, God, I love you. And then she died."

Mike watched as tears dripped down his friend's face. Billie hadn't told him this. He'd told them that he'd been on the phone with her, but he hadn't shared the conversation. Mike wrapped his arms around Billie.

"Christ, you're short, Billie."
"Thanks. You're very comforting." Billie sniffed.
"I try."

Mike wiped the tears from Billie's cheeks, then smiled at him.

"Billie, imagine this, alright? You don't tell her. Just keep on like usual. And then, one day, she's playing a concert or something. And we aren't there, we're off recording or whatever. And after the concert, she takes something. Overdoses. Dies. And she'd never know how you felt."

Billie stared.

"God, Mike. Why the hell don't you have a girlfriend?"

Something in Mike's face twitched. Billie's brow furrowed. He stored Mike's advice away in the back of his mind. Then he turned his attention to his friend.

"Mike, you just did the twitch thing."
"No."
"You did. You twitched."
"I didn't."
"You've got a secret. I saw the twitch."
"I don't..."

Mike's voice trailed off as he looked at Billie.

"Fine. I've got a secret."

Billie waited, but Mike didn't continue. The silence stretched as they looked at each other.

"You feel like sharing?"
"Billie... This isn't only about me... There's another person involved..."
"Oh..." Mike saw hurt in his friend's eyes.
"Aw shit... I'll tell you... But you can't tell ANYONE, you understand?"
"What, you think I'd call the tabloids or something?"

Billie looked insulted. Mike shook his head, lighting yet another cigarette to calm his nerves.

"Billie, you can't tell Tre, or Tony, or Robert... Or ANYONE, alright?"
"Alright!"

Mike took a long drag on his cigarette, then blew a perfect smoke ring. Billie waited quietly for his friend to talk to him.

"You know, I'm kinda surprised you didn't already figure it out. But you got all wrapped up in Tony, so..."

There was another pause. Then Mike laughed quietly.

"Remember all those times me & Jay went off somewhere together?"
"Yeah."
"What did you guys think about that?"
"That you two were just really good friends..."
"Oh yeah, Billie. We're really good friends, if you know what I mean."

Billie's jaw dropped.

"You!? And Jay?!"
"Yeah." Mike smiled at his friend's shock.
"Wow... That's just... Wow..."
"Yeah... I felt the same way at first."
"How long...?"
"Since we got back from New York."
"THAT LONG?"

Billie looked somewhat shocked.

"Ah, Billie... I wanted to tell you... But Jay... He doesn't want it getting out."

At that, Billie's expression changed from shocked to indignant.

"Is he ASHAMED of you or something? Why wouldn't he want to tell the world he's fucking Mike Dirnt?"
"He doesn't want to affect my career... To affect the band."
"It wouldn't. Besides, if a fan stopped buying our records because the best bassist in the world happens to be gay, then fuck them."

Mike smiled. Billie was so idealistic.

"Billie, I promised. Eventually, we'll tell the world. But for now, just keep it secret."
"Fine." Bilie said. "But you've gotta talk to him."
"I will."

Mike flipped his cigarette away. The two friends stood in silence for a moment, looking around.

"We haven't talked like that in a while."
"Nope."
"Gotta do it more often." Billie said.
"Of course. Next time though, we'd better bring coffee. I smoked half a pack of cigarettes out here."

Billie laughed. Then they went back inside to seek out the people they loved.