Sequel: Making the Album ›
Changes
Drugs.
Jay groaned.
"What the hell-"
There was a thump. Mike glanced back and saw Jay on the floor of the car. He looked up at Mike, and for the first time, Mike saw Jay without his makeup.
Under his eyes were rings. The kind of rings that come from too much drinking, too many drugs. Mike slammed his foot onto the brake. Jay slid forward and banged his head on the seat.
"FUCKING HELL!"
Mike locked the doors and climbed into the backseat, hauling Jay up by his collar. Before Jay could do anything, Mike yanked his sleeves up.
And revealed long track marks.
"Heroin."
"Don't start, Mike." Jay moaned, closing his eyes.
"You're going to kill yourself, you know that?"
"Mike-"
"Do you want to die, is that it?"
"Mike-"
"Because that's where this is going, you're gonna pump too much of that shit into your arms and you'll die. Is that what you want?"
"YES!" Jay screamed.
He tried to stand up and whacked his head on the ceiling. Mike gaped at him, shocked into silence.
"I want to die, alright? I can't get off drugs, I haven't been well since...well, since I had my first cigarette at age nine. Mike, you just can't understand how it feels when you know your life's not going anywhere. And then, when you've got ONE thing that makes sense...it just get's taken away."
"And what would that be?" Mike asked, still angry.
Jay sighed, and rubbed his eyes.
"You really want to know?"
"Yes, goddamn it."
Mike watched him. The inside of the car was nearly dark, and the sunlight fell in streaks across Jay's face.
"All my life, I've been struggling. Never had a proper home, never been loved by anyone or anything. I've had the sex, done the drugs, sang the songs, but when that's all over...and it's just me...there's nothing there to make me whole."
"Doesn't explain anything, Jay."
"I'm only twenty-one, Mike. Your what, early thirties, late twenties?"
"When I was twenty, I met Marty. And he was the only thing that I had that I actually cared about. He made everything...the drugs, the pain...go away. There would be these moments, when he would look at me...and I'd be the only thing in the world...and just the fact that I mattered to him...and he cared about me...that made everything alright."
Jay paused, his face growing hard.
"And now he's gone, and..."
"Jay, we-"
"Don't say it. I couldn't so that to you."
"You need someone to take care of you."
For a single, breathless moment, they glared at each other. Then Mike lunged forward, kissing Jay. And Jay kissed him back, his hands in Mike's hair.
And then Jay broke away, shattered the window behind him and swore angrily.
"Mike, goddamnit don't DO that to me."
His last words were whispered; Mike had to strain to hear them.
"It just makes this harder."
Mike hugged him, because Jay looked so sad and alone.
"Take me back. Please?"
Mike nodded, and climbed back into the front seat.
~~~
Tony and Billie lay on the cold tile floor, panting, water from the shower beading on their skin.
"Billie?"
"Yeah?"
Tony was looking at him, her lip trembling slighty, her eyes wet with tears.
"What? What's the matter?" He asked, reached out to stroke her cheek.
"Billie...you called me Adrienne."
She stood up, wrapped a towel around herself.
"You fucking promised, Billie." She whispered, then walked out, slamming the door behind her. Billie jumped up and dashed into the hall.
"Tony! Tony, wait!"
But she was already gone.
Billie walked back into the bathroom, got into the shower, turned on the cold water and started cursing.
~~~
Tre watched as Tony dashed by, wearing only a towel. Bille dashed into the hallway calling her, but Tony kept her head down and kept moving. Then the bathroom door closed again and the shower started.
The little group looked at each other. Then Blondie reached forward and pulled the pile of dollar bills into his lap.
"First loud noise? That was the bathroom door."
"Shit." Robert said, smiling as he watched his money disappear.
~~~
Jay listened as the band played the opening, and then began to sing, his voice husky from sobbing.
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
As the last chords faded into the night, Jay threw down the mike, drew his coat tighter around him and walked out of the bar, shivering.
And missing the feeling of being held tightly, of being loved.
"What the hell-"
There was a thump. Mike glanced back and saw Jay on the floor of the car. He looked up at Mike, and for the first time, Mike saw Jay without his makeup.
Under his eyes were rings. The kind of rings that come from too much drinking, too many drugs. Mike slammed his foot onto the brake. Jay slid forward and banged his head on the seat.
"FUCKING HELL!"
Mike locked the doors and climbed into the backseat, hauling Jay up by his collar. Before Jay could do anything, Mike yanked his sleeves up.
And revealed long track marks.
"Heroin."
"Don't start, Mike." Jay moaned, closing his eyes.
"You're going to kill yourself, you know that?"
"Mike-"
"Do you want to die, is that it?"
"Mike-"
"Because that's where this is going, you're gonna pump too much of that shit into your arms and you'll die. Is that what you want?"
"YES!" Jay screamed.
He tried to stand up and whacked his head on the ceiling. Mike gaped at him, shocked into silence.
"I want to die, alright? I can't get off drugs, I haven't been well since...well, since I had my first cigarette at age nine. Mike, you just can't understand how it feels when you know your life's not going anywhere. And then, when you've got ONE thing that makes sense...it just get's taken away."
"And what would that be?" Mike asked, still angry.
Jay sighed, and rubbed his eyes.
"You really want to know?"
"Yes, goddamn it."
Mike watched him. The inside of the car was nearly dark, and the sunlight fell in streaks across Jay's face.
"All my life, I've been struggling. Never had a proper home, never been loved by anyone or anything. I've had the sex, done the drugs, sang the songs, but when that's all over...and it's just me...there's nothing there to make me whole."
"Doesn't explain anything, Jay."
"I'm only twenty-one, Mike. Your what, early thirties, late twenties?"
"When I was twenty, I met Marty. And he was the only thing that I had that I actually cared about. He made everything...the drugs, the pain...go away. There would be these moments, when he would look at me...and I'd be the only thing in the world...and just the fact that I mattered to him...and he cared about me...that made everything alright."
Jay paused, his face growing hard.
"And now he's gone, and..."
"Jay, we-"
"Don't say it. I couldn't so that to you."
"You need someone to take care of you."
For a single, breathless moment, they glared at each other. Then Mike lunged forward, kissing Jay. And Jay kissed him back, his hands in Mike's hair.
And then Jay broke away, shattered the window behind him and swore angrily.
"Mike, goddamnit don't DO that to me."
His last words were whispered; Mike had to strain to hear them.
"It just makes this harder."
Mike hugged him, because Jay looked so sad and alone.
"Take me back. Please?"
Mike nodded, and climbed back into the front seat.
~~~
Tony and Billie lay on the cold tile floor, panting, water from the shower beading on their skin.
"Billie?"
"Yeah?"
Tony was looking at him, her lip trembling slighty, her eyes wet with tears.
"What? What's the matter?" He asked, reached out to stroke her cheek.
"Billie...you called me Adrienne."
She stood up, wrapped a towel around herself.
"You fucking promised, Billie." She whispered, then walked out, slamming the door behind her. Billie jumped up and dashed into the hall.
"Tony! Tony, wait!"
But she was already gone.
Billie walked back into the bathroom, got into the shower, turned on the cold water and started cursing.
~~~
Tre watched as Tony dashed by, wearing only a towel. Bille dashed into the hallway calling her, but Tony kept her head down and kept moving. Then the bathroom door closed again and the shower started.
The little group looked at each other. Then Blondie reached forward and pulled the pile of dollar bills into his lap.
"First loud noise? That was the bathroom door."
"Shit." Robert said, smiling as he watched his money disappear.
~~~
Jay listened as the band played the opening, and then began to sing, his voice husky from sobbing.
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
As the last chords faded into the night, Jay threw down the mike, drew his coat tighter around him and walked out of the bar, shivering.
And missing the feeling of being held tightly, of being loved.