Changes

Jay read and re-read the words over and over. But they never changed. No one popped up and yelled, 'just kidding!'. The words stayed there, stubbornly refusing to change. They taunted him, mocked him. He was sentanced to death, by those four, little words.

Subject is HIV positive.

~~~

Mike had been watching Billie and Tony wistfully when his cell phone rang.

"Mr. Dirnt?"
"Speaking." Mike said shortly, not really in the mood to deal with the hospital.
"Are you free right now?"
"Yes...why?"
"Your brother...he's refusing to take his meds, and he's removed his IV. The amount of pain he's subjecting himself to must be intolerable. And we aren't quite sure how long he should go without medication, as his stability is fragile at best."
"Why is he doing this?"
"We aren't quite sure. He'd just read a note that your friends had left him. But there was nothing in the note that should have been upsetting."

Mike watched Tony and Billie making out onstage, and Tre clapping and the Dolls whistling. And suddenly he needed to get out of here. As much as Jay had hurt him, Mike wanted him safe.

"I'll be right down." He told her, and hung up the phone. Then he poked Tre in the side. Hard.

"What the fuck was that for?" Tre demanded.
"I need to go down to the hospital."
"Why?"
"There's a problem with Jay."
"Is he alright?"

Mike sighed.

"I hope so."

~~~

Mike arrived at the hospital, took an elevator upstairs and walked up to the nurses station, mentally steeling himself for the worst.

"What's wrong with him?"
"Like you were told, there was no cause for this sort of behavior. And without morphine, your brother should be in a considerable amount of pain. He's also gone without his medication. Which, considering his condition, is extremely dangerous."

Mike cursed to himself.

"I'll talk to him."

~~~

"Jay?"

The figure in the bed didn't move. Mike didn't turn on the light, knowing that Jay would prefer the dim light the streelights on the sidewalk provided.

"Jay, talk to me."

Jay rolled over and look at him. Mike saw his face was scrunched up against the pain.

"Why are you even here? I know you saw me with the goddamn nurse. I've hurt you so much, Mike. Why do you keep coming back?"

Mike sensed there was something more to this question than meets the eye, but he answered it as honestly as he could.

"Because I truly care about you, Jay. And I like to think that you care about me."

Jay laughed, and there was such bitterness there that Mike's jaw dropped.

"Do you love me enough to die?"
"What's wrong with you?"

Jay laughed again, almost maniaclly.

"I am a killer, Mike. I was an idiot and I got what I deserved. Dead at twenty-five? Ha ha ha. I'll be lucky if I make it that far."

Mike stared at him. Jay was acting as though he were drunk or high, but he was in a hospital. There was no way he could be on anything.

"Jay. Tell me what's going on."
"Here." Jay flung a crumpled peice of paper at him. "Read it for yourself."

Mike smoothed the paper out on his knee. One side bore Robert's scribbles. The other side was Jay's statistics.

And then he saw what must have set Jay off.

"You're HIV positive? Well, that's not so bad."
"Mike, you're just a naive bastard, aren't you?" Jay's face was screwed up, either in pain or sadness.
"How am I naive?"
"Because now, we can never be together. I can kill you, Mike. Without even meaning to. Not only do I kill people I hate, I can kill people I love too. That has to be some sort of fucking record."
"Jay."
"And how it must have happened, oh ho, that's a kicker." And a tear slipped down Jay's cheek. "I was high off my ass as usual. It was right after Marty died. And I fucked the pole dancer from the Leopard's Lounge because she winked at me. I paid her two hundred dollars. Two hundred dollars, I gave her. And she gave me HIV. Isn't that a fucking riot? I bought HIV. I fucking bought it."

Jay laughed as he cried, flinching at the pain.

"Jay, HIV...it's not a death sentance." Mike told him quietly.
"Oh really? And what? I live my life without ever fucking again? Or wearing fucking condoms that break and contaminate? That's not a risk I'm prepared to take, Mike."

There was silence for a moment. Then Mike reached out and took Jay's hand in his own.

"I'm prepared to take it."

Jay looked at him in surprise.

"You can't give in to this, Jay. You're stronger than this, you're better. There are drugs you can take, treatments..."

Jay squeezed Mike's hand and Mike reached out and wiped the tears off Jay's cheek.

"I still won't give up on you."
"Mike..."
"What?"
"I think I might be in love with you."
"I know."

And then Mike leaned forward and kissed Jay.