The Cracks in Our Foundation

The anger seemed to leave him with the vomit. He slowly sank to the ground and laid his head on his knees.

I looked down at my ruined shoes. I wanted to cry. My face grew hot and I could feel the tears well up. The shoes had died as horrible a death as my relationship was. I wanted to sink to the floor. Even worse, I wanted a hug. I wanted to grab another stranger from the crowd and ask them to hug me. I needed comfort but we had traumatized the crowd enough for one night.

I roughly wiped my tears away. We needed to get out of here. I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him to his feet. He was still conscious but just barely. I couldn't get him up and he wasn't helping me.

"Can someone please help me?"

A couple of guys stepped forward and lifted him to his feet.

"Will you help me get him in the car? I won't be able to hold him up that long," I held my head up and refused to be embarrassed by what had happened. It would only make things worse.

"Yeah, sure. Lead the way," they had him supported between them.

I plastered a big, bright, fake smile.

"Thank you guys for having us over. Enjoy the rest of the party!" I turned and walked out the front door.

************************

He was passed out by the time we got home. I laid my head on the steering wheel and sighed. This was not how I pictured our last night together.

I walked to his side of the car and opened his door. He half tumbled out of the car. He laid motionless on the sidewalk. I knelt beside him to shake him awake.

"I need you to wake up so I can get you into the house."

He mumbled something and tried to stand up. I put his arm around my shoulders and helped him up. It took all my strength to keep him upright but we eventually made it into the apartment.

I took him to the bedroom. I helped him take his shirt and pants off. When I was done, he pushed me away and fell on the bed. I pulled the blanket over him. He never noticed, he'd already passed out again.

I looked at him, so peaceful in unconsciousness. I thought about all the good times we'd had together. Nights we'd spent cuddled up on the couch watching movies, taking care of each other when we were sick, falling asleep in each other's arms. There were so many good memories.

I couldn't stop the tears this time. They rolled unchecked down my checks. It was silent, there were no sobs. It was almost a peaceful mourning.

I loved him, I really did. But I couldn't live my life like this. Neither of us could. We both deserved more, we deserved to be happy.

I wrote him a note:

Baby,
We both know it can't go on, not like this. Maybe if we end it now, we won't completely hate each other later. If you want to talk you know how to reach me.
Love,
Me

I took off my vomit stained shoes and left them on top of a pile of clothes. I didn't want them anymore.

I pulled my phone form my pocket as I walked to the car.

"Rae? Its me. Think I could stay with you for a little while?"

I didn't look back as I drove away.