‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Ten
A Month Later; Three Weeks After Aiden Returned Home…
Aiden’s POV
I sat, angry.
How dare Katie call Dad like that? I wasn’t fucking sick. I wasn’t fucking ‘anorexic.’ So I didn’t wanna eat pizza. That did not give her the right to call my father and tell him I was anorexic. Mainly because I’m not.
She kept apologizing and crying. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I just didn’t want to be messed with, but she continued to cry to me about how I’d thank her soon and how sorry she was. How she didn’t want me to be mad.
Dad got a refund on my second semester at college. I’m going home. With one week till finals, I am a drop out. It’s not like they couldn’t let me finish out the semester. My fathers are gay… they thrive on drama.
Does this make me a college drop out? I can’t transfer. I have to miss at least a semester. Dad says we’ll discuss it when I get home. That’s what he said over the phone at least.
Goddamnit they’ll be here soon. All of my stuff is already packed because I’m going back to Canada. As far as I know, Dad and Daddy’ll be on a tour at some point. They’ve been touring off and on in Canada and the US for the past few months. I don’t know how they’re going to work that out now.
The doorbell rang and I felt my heart sink to my stomach.
No, this wasn’t right. I belonged here, in school.
I just sat on the couch, unmoving. I couldn’t believe this was really happening. I heard Katie talking to my Dads.
“He’s on the couch. He’s been there all morning.” I heard her tell them quietly. Not quiet enough, though.
I looked up, feeling anxious, as Dad walked in. He sat by me silently and wrapped one arm around me in a comforting hug. This was the man who raised me almost single handedly. He had been there through everything, we’d been through the wringer together. I leaned my head on his shoulder, hating myself for letting this happen. Hurting him again.
How did I freaking let this happen?
“It’s okay.” Dad whispered as I began to cry loudly. I hadn’t cried yet, I had just been in a stupor. Now though, seeing both of my parents looking at me sadly, it all came crashing down on me. “Shh, honey. It’s okay.”
I had thought I had grown up with everything I’d been through but I realized I had never grown up. I was still a big kid who wet crying to his daddy.
Frank’s POV
I couldn’t get over how skinny he was. It was worse than before, when he was younger. I kept wanting to hug him but I felt like if I squeezed him too hard… if I touched him… that he’d break. I began feeling guilty for letting him come here to New York alone. Why hadn’t I stopped him? Or come with him?
I knew what it was. He had never been on his own. I knew being on your own was scary, but he didn’t even have his parents near by.
Eric would be home soon. He’d had to stay home and take his finals. I didn’t want Eric to see Aiden like this, it would mess him up. It messed me up.
I watched him lying on the couch, staring blankly at the TV and knowing he really couldn’t see it.
Gerard came into the room, frowning. “I can’t take being in there with him, Frankie… how did this happen? How did…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t understand how this happened…”
“He just wasn’t ready yet.” I said quietly. “I don’t mean physically… or even mentally. Emotionally. He’s got so many demons and… when he’s here, we help him. When he’s away from us… from Eric… he’s on his own.”
Gerard sat down by me at the table and we both looked into the living room, watching Aiden watching TV. The three of us were all doing the same thing…. Waiting for Eric to get home… because that… that was when the pain would start.
Eric’s POV
Finals were done. My first semester as a freshmen in college was done.
I should be happy.
I should be ecstatic.
No. Not me. Never me.
Here I am, parked in a McDonald’s parking lot and crying. Crying because Aiden is home. Home because he is sick. Again. Though he told me over and over and over that he wasn’t.
I took several deep breaths and raised my head, which was rested on my steering wheel, up enough to see the clock. It was five. Soon they would be worried, but I couldn’t seem to care.
How could Aiden do this to me again?
How could he fucking do this?
My mind was racing with thoughts as I pulled out of the McDonalds and drove towards home, getting more nervous and if possible angrier the closer I got.
No thoughts could have prepared me, though, for seeing Aiden sitting and looking so small and lost and sick on the couch. I had been prepared to scream at him, maybe even knock him upside the head a few times for being so stupid.
When I saw him though, that all changed. I could see Frank and Gerard at the table, watching us. Aiden looked up at me and I threw my bag down, rushing to his side and wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. His head rested on my chest and I rubbed his back, kissing the top of his head.
“Aiden… oh, Aiden…” I whispered, kissing the top of his head.
His shoulders shook and he let out a sob into my chest.
“It’s going to be okay, honey.” I assured him, hating myself for ever being angry with him. “You’ll see. It’s all going to be okay.”
He shook his head. “It won’t.” he sobbed. “I ruined it… I ruined it…”
Three Days Later
Frank’s POV
“I AM NOT GOING TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL!”
I jumped awake and saw Gerard sitting next to me, rubbing sleep from his eyes with his dark hair messily going out in every which direction.
“Mmmh.” I moaned.
“FUCK YOU, ERIC! FUCK! YOU!”
“Goddamnit, it’s only seven.” Gerard moaned.
“Did they even go to sleep? They haven’t been fighting all night have they?” I asked sleepily.
“I don’t know.” Gerard threw his legs over the side of the bed. “Eric needs to realize it’s pointless to bring this up until Aiden admits it to himself… he may be close, but he’s not this close.”
“Are you going to make them stop fighting?”
“As much as I want to, they are married grown adults now. This is between them and only them.” Gerard said.
“Gee, you’re his father… talk some sense into him.”
“If you were in his situation, would you want him to bug you? No. Even if what I tell him is true, he is stubborn and he won’t fix himself until he is ready. Not before.”
“So we are supposed to say nothing?”
“It sucks, but yes. We are supposed to say nothing.”
I wiped my eyes, hearing Aiden yelling at Eric more. Soon Eric would start crying and he’d storm from the house, like yesterday morning. He’d be gone until God knows when.
“Just say something, Gee. This is his life.” I begged.
“Nothing I say will have an effect, Frankie. I’m sorry.” Gerard said, then left me alone.
I sighed and got out of bed, making my way downstairs, or better said the war zone. Eric and Aiden were now quietly arguing in the living room. I passed through on my way to the kitchen where Gerard was making eggs.
I was frustrated with him for not putting an end to the argument so I muttered “Animal killer” under my breath.
“Frank, I know you’re mad but don’t start any petty arguments. Isn’t two people in this house arguing enough for one day?”
I sighed at sat at the table, munching on some cereal. The arguing quieted down and I sighed once again. The silence was either very good or very bad. It could easily go either way.
Gerard sat next to me and we looked at each other, listening as Aiden collapsed into tears, saying he knew he needed help but he didn’t want to go to a hospital. Then we listened as Eric told him that we’d help him, here, at home.
That, we later learned, was the biggest mistake Eric would ever make…
Aiden’s POV
I sat, angry.
How dare Katie call Dad like that? I wasn’t fucking sick. I wasn’t fucking ‘anorexic.’ So I didn’t wanna eat pizza. That did not give her the right to call my father and tell him I was anorexic. Mainly because I’m not.
She kept apologizing and crying. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I just didn’t want to be messed with, but she continued to cry to me about how I’d thank her soon and how sorry she was. How she didn’t want me to be mad.
Dad got a refund on my second semester at college. I’m going home. With one week till finals, I am a drop out. It’s not like they couldn’t let me finish out the semester. My fathers are gay… they thrive on drama.
Does this make me a college drop out? I can’t transfer. I have to miss at least a semester. Dad says we’ll discuss it when I get home. That’s what he said over the phone at least.
Goddamnit they’ll be here soon. All of my stuff is already packed because I’m going back to Canada. As far as I know, Dad and Daddy’ll be on a tour at some point. They’ve been touring off and on in Canada and the US for the past few months. I don’t know how they’re going to work that out now.
The doorbell rang and I felt my heart sink to my stomach.
No, this wasn’t right. I belonged here, in school.
I just sat on the couch, unmoving. I couldn’t believe this was really happening. I heard Katie talking to my Dads.
“He’s on the couch. He’s been there all morning.” I heard her tell them quietly. Not quiet enough, though.
I looked up, feeling anxious, as Dad walked in. He sat by me silently and wrapped one arm around me in a comforting hug. This was the man who raised me almost single handedly. He had been there through everything, we’d been through the wringer together. I leaned my head on his shoulder, hating myself for letting this happen. Hurting him again.
How did I freaking let this happen?
“It’s okay.” Dad whispered as I began to cry loudly. I hadn’t cried yet, I had just been in a stupor. Now though, seeing both of my parents looking at me sadly, it all came crashing down on me. “Shh, honey. It’s okay.”
I had thought I had grown up with everything I’d been through but I realized I had never grown up. I was still a big kid who wet crying to his daddy.
Frank’s POV
I couldn’t get over how skinny he was. It was worse than before, when he was younger. I kept wanting to hug him but I felt like if I squeezed him too hard… if I touched him… that he’d break. I began feeling guilty for letting him come here to New York alone. Why hadn’t I stopped him? Or come with him?
I knew what it was. He had never been on his own. I knew being on your own was scary, but he didn’t even have his parents near by.
Eric would be home soon. He’d had to stay home and take his finals. I didn’t want Eric to see Aiden like this, it would mess him up. It messed me up.
I watched him lying on the couch, staring blankly at the TV and knowing he really couldn’t see it.
Gerard came into the room, frowning. “I can’t take being in there with him, Frankie… how did this happen? How did…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t understand how this happened…”
“He just wasn’t ready yet.” I said quietly. “I don’t mean physically… or even mentally. Emotionally. He’s got so many demons and… when he’s here, we help him. When he’s away from us… from Eric… he’s on his own.”
Gerard sat down by me at the table and we both looked into the living room, watching Aiden watching TV. The three of us were all doing the same thing…. Waiting for Eric to get home… because that… that was when the pain would start.
Eric’s POV
Finals were done. My first semester as a freshmen in college was done.
I should be happy.
I should be ecstatic.
No. Not me. Never me.
Here I am, parked in a McDonald’s parking lot and crying. Crying because Aiden is home. Home because he is sick. Again. Though he told me over and over and over that he wasn’t.
I took several deep breaths and raised my head, which was rested on my steering wheel, up enough to see the clock. It was five. Soon they would be worried, but I couldn’t seem to care.
How could Aiden do this to me again?
How could he fucking do this?
My mind was racing with thoughts as I pulled out of the McDonalds and drove towards home, getting more nervous and if possible angrier the closer I got.
No thoughts could have prepared me, though, for seeing Aiden sitting and looking so small and lost and sick on the couch. I had been prepared to scream at him, maybe even knock him upside the head a few times for being so stupid.
When I saw him though, that all changed. I could see Frank and Gerard at the table, watching us. Aiden looked up at me and I threw my bag down, rushing to his side and wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. His head rested on my chest and I rubbed his back, kissing the top of his head.
“Aiden… oh, Aiden…” I whispered, kissing the top of his head.
His shoulders shook and he let out a sob into my chest.
“It’s going to be okay, honey.” I assured him, hating myself for ever being angry with him. “You’ll see. It’s all going to be okay.”
He shook his head. “It won’t.” he sobbed. “I ruined it… I ruined it…”
Three Days Later
Frank’s POV
“I AM NOT GOING TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL!”
I jumped awake and saw Gerard sitting next to me, rubbing sleep from his eyes with his dark hair messily going out in every which direction.
“Mmmh.” I moaned.
“FUCK YOU, ERIC! FUCK! YOU!”
“Goddamnit, it’s only seven.” Gerard moaned.
“Did they even go to sleep? They haven’t been fighting all night have they?” I asked sleepily.
“I don’t know.” Gerard threw his legs over the side of the bed. “Eric needs to realize it’s pointless to bring this up until Aiden admits it to himself… he may be close, but he’s not this close.”
“Are you going to make them stop fighting?”
“As much as I want to, they are married grown adults now. This is between them and only them.” Gerard said.
“Gee, you’re his father… talk some sense into him.”
“If you were in his situation, would you want him to bug you? No. Even if what I tell him is true, he is stubborn and he won’t fix himself until he is ready. Not before.”
“So we are supposed to say nothing?”
“It sucks, but yes. We are supposed to say nothing.”
I wiped my eyes, hearing Aiden yelling at Eric more. Soon Eric would start crying and he’d storm from the house, like yesterday morning. He’d be gone until God knows when.
“Just say something, Gee. This is his life.” I begged.
“Nothing I say will have an effect, Frankie. I’m sorry.” Gerard said, then left me alone.
I sighed and got out of bed, making my way downstairs, or better said the war zone. Eric and Aiden were now quietly arguing in the living room. I passed through on my way to the kitchen where Gerard was making eggs.
I was frustrated with him for not putting an end to the argument so I muttered “Animal killer” under my breath.
“Frank, I know you’re mad but don’t start any petty arguments. Isn’t two people in this house arguing enough for one day?”
I sighed at sat at the table, munching on some cereal. The arguing quieted down and I sighed once again. The silence was either very good or very bad. It could easily go either way.
Gerard sat next to me and we looked at each other, listening as Aiden collapsed into tears, saying he knew he needed help but he didn’t want to go to a hospital. Then we listened as Eric told him that we’d help him, here, at home.
That, we later learned, was the biggest mistake Eric would ever make…