‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Twenty-One
Frank’s POV
Two Days Later…
“Gee, I think something is wrong with Aiden.”
Gerard was cooking dinner and looked up at me. “What do you mean?”
“When we got back this morning he… I just think he was acting happy to hide something.” I shrugged. “I knew we shouldn’t have gone away… something happened.”
“You don’t know that, Frankie. He’s all out of whack and trying to eat right. He’s gonna be a little… off.”
“No, it’s not like that. I think he’s depressed… more depressed than we thought, I mean. It’s like everything we do to pull him back to us, pushes him further away. He and Eric aren’t talking, either.”
“Of course they are.” Gerard said. “You saw them at lunch.”
“They only talk in front of us so we think nothing is going on, Gee.” I rolled my eyes. “Like every married couple with their parents in the room.” I bit my lip, sitting down and massaging my forehead. “I know something is going on and he’s not telling me. I think he needs professional help.”
“I think he’s turning into me.” Gee muttered, stirring whatever he was cooking. “Look at this… he’s had addictions, he used to drink, he’s depressed and anorexic. I was never anorexic, but… it always seems to happen to Aiden. He gets all of this shit thrown at him and I know how it feels. He’s overwhelmed. I also know, though, when I was his age I wasn’t willing to let anyone in to help me until I let someone know… that someone was you, remember?” he turned to look at me.
“Of course I remember, Gee. But he’s my baby. Am I supposed to watch him struggle so much? I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself… or worse.” I heard my voice crack and I sniffled. “He doesn’t talk to me about it anymore, he doesn’t talk to you because you would have told me. He’s not talking to Eric period. Something happened between them when we were gone. Something huge. It kills me he’s going through this alone.”
“He will open up when he is ready, Frank. Not before. He’s on his way to accepting it, trust me. He’s trying to get better with his anorexia, I know that for a fact. He just needs support… and I mean support, not prying into his private life.”
“It’s his private life that’s making him like this.” I said miserably. “He and Eric aren’t the same since he’s come back! Have you not noticed? It’s like they aren’t the same people.”
“They aren’t the same people, Frank. It’s up to them whether they change together or separately.”
“I love Eric though… they wouldn’t separate. Surely.”
“I’m not talking about separation, I’m talking about them getting through this without killing each other.” Gerard gave a small laugh.
“It’s not funny, Gee.” I sniffed.
He came over to me, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him and felt his fingers in my hair and rubbing my back.
“They will be fine, we will all be fine. You should know by now that we’re going to get through anything life throws at us.” He whispered.
I balled some of his shirt in my fist, nodding into his chest. “I love you so much, Gee.”
“I love you too, baby.” He kissed the top of my forehead, and then moved back towards the stove.
“I’m gonna go do laundry or something. If I sit still for another minute my head is going to implode.” I muttered, and headed towards the laundry room. Eric was at the living room coffee table doing homework and when I walked past Aiden’s room, the door was open and I saw him staring at his ceiling and muttering to himself.
I pushed the door to the laundry room open and began sorting out the clothes, throwing all of the black stuff into the washer. After I started it I began folding the socks and underwear, and headed towards Aiden’s room eager for an excuse to talk to him.
“Hey, hon.” I smiled, coming in.
“Hi.” He said, looking at me and forcing a smile. “Sorry the laundry isn’t done. I meant to work on it, really—.”
“No, don’t worry about it.” I said, putting the clothes on his dresser. I sat on his bed next to him and looked at him. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” He sat up. “How was it?”
“It was… visiting mum and dad.” He snorted.
“Did you go see Daddy’s mom?”
“Gee hasn’t really seen her, except for at the funeral, except for when he was… twenty-two maybe.” I said quietly. “What with… well, you remember. He told you when you were in the hospital.”
“I… don’t remember anything actually.” He admitted, looking down. “I mean, I know a lot happened… but I don’t really remember too much, except for after I was better.”
“Maybe Gee will tell you again.” I said, brushing his hair from his eyes.
“Is he… okay?”
“He and his dad didn’t have a healthy relationship.” I sighed. “But he was still his father and it still hurts when the person who raised you dies, regardless of how well you got along or mistakes that were made. I think Gerard is… angry at his dad, more than anything for not apologizing for what… what happened to him when he was younger. He’s not ready to talk about his dad dying though and if there’s one thing I learned about your dad since I’ve known him, it’s you can’t pressure him to talk. It ends badly… are you okay?”
He bit his lip and sighed. “I don’t think so.”
I hugged him. “I’m here. You can tell me anything, sweetie. I can handle anything you throw at me. Do you want to talk?”
“It’s the same stuff over and over. It doesn’t matter how many people I talk to about it, no one can help me decide what to do. I’m so sick of even thinking about it.” He groaned, pulling his knees to his chest and banging his head against his knees several times. “Eric and I…” he sighed softly again. “Everything is just wrong, Dad. None of it was supposed to end up like this. Everything was so good and then I got pneumonia and got sick… ever since then, it’s been so different. With Eric’s mom leaving, us getting married, college…” he shook his head. “I feel like I’m too young to feel what I’m feeling and it hurts. It hurts and it won’t go away. I’ve tried so many times and…” he trailed off but there were unshed tears in his blue eyes.
My heart sank and I pulled him to me again. “Honey, you’re growing up. It’s hard at first, you have to fall a few times before it all settles down.”
“I’ve been falling all of my life.” He began to cry. “Ever since I had to go and stay with my birth parents, it’s been one fall after another. You and dad divorced, Bella left and she never comes over any more, all I’ve ever done is fuck up since I came back from there and I hate it. Not to mention I was so mean to you guys before and I probably deserve everything I’m getting now.”
“Aiden, don’t you ever say that again. You don’t deserve this at all. You were confused when you were younger and only you think about that still, alright? No one is angry with you because we know who you are now. And that is what matters.”
“I don’t even know who I am anymore Dad. I did something so… so bad… that I can never forgive myself or Eric.” He was now sobbing. “I feel so much hatred towards him and I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“You don’t hate him… you may be angry with him, but you don’t hate him.” I whispered gently, rubbing his back comfortingly.
“No, I hate him.” He cried, still staking his head. “I hate him so much…”
“Oh, honey.” I cooed, kissing the top of his head. “Everything will be fine.”
“I don’t believe you.” He choked out through his sobs. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that anymore…”
Two Days Later…
“Gee, I think something is wrong with Aiden.”
Gerard was cooking dinner and looked up at me. “What do you mean?”
“When we got back this morning he… I just think he was acting happy to hide something.” I shrugged. “I knew we shouldn’t have gone away… something happened.”
“You don’t know that, Frankie. He’s all out of whack and trying to eat right. He’s gonna be a little… off.”
“No, it’s not like that. I think he’s depressed… more depressed than we thought, I mean. It’s like everything we do to pull him back to us, pushes him further away. He and Eric aren’t talking, either.”
“Of course they are.” Gerard said. “You saw them at lunch.”
“They only talk in front of us so we think nothing is going on, Gee.” I rolled my eyes. “Like every married couple with their parents in the room.” I bit my lip, sitting down and massaging my forehead. “I know something is going on and he’s not telling me. I think he needs professional help.”
“I think he’s turning into me.” Gee muttered, stirring whatever he was cooking. “Look at this… he’s had addictions, he used to drink, he’s depressed and anorexic. I was never anorexic, but… it always seems to happen to Aiden. He gets all of this shit thrown at him and I know how it feels. He’s overwhelmed. I also know, though, when I was his age I wasn’t willing to let anyone in to help me until I let someone know… that someone was you, remember?” he turned to look at me.
“Of course I remember, Gee. But he’s my baby. Am I supposed to watch him struggle so much? I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself… or worse.” I heard my voice crack and I sniffled. “He doesn’t talk to me about it anymore, he doesn’t talk to you because you would have told me. He’s not talking to Eric period. Something happened between them when we were gone. Something huge. It kills me he’s going through this alone.”
“He will open up when he is ready, Frank. Not before. He’s on his way to accepting it, trust me. He’s trying to get better with his anorexia, I know that for a fact. He just needs support… and I mean support, not prying into his private life.”
“It’s his private life that’s making him like this.” I said miserably. “He and Eric aren’t the same since he’s come back! Have you not noticed? It’s like they aren’t the same people.”
“They aren’t the same people, Frank. It’s up to them whether they change together or separately.”
“I love Eric though… they wouldn’t separate. Surely.”
“I’m not talking about separation, I’m talking about them getting through this without killing each other.” Gerard gave a small laugh.
“It’s not funny, Gee.” I sniffed.
He came over to me, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him and felt his fingers in my hair and rubbing my back.
“They will be fine, we will all be fine. You should know by now that we’re going to get through anything life throws at us.” He whispered.
I balled some of his shirt in my fist, nodding into his chest. “I love you so much, Gee.”
“I love you too, baby.” He kissed the top of my forehead, and then moved back towards the stove.
“I’m gonna go do laundry or something. If I sit still for another minute my head is going to implode.” I muttered, and headed towards the laundry room. Eric was at the living room coffee table doing homework and when I walked past Aiden’s room, the door was open and I saw him staring at his ceiling and muttering to himself.
I pushed the door to the laundry room open and began sorting out the clothes, throwing all of the black stuff into the washer. After I started it I began folding the socks and underwear, and headed towards Aiden’s room eager for an excuse to talk to him.
“Hey, hon.” I smiled, coming in.
“Hi.” He said, looking at me and forcing a smile. “Sorry the laundry isn’t done. I meant to work on it, really—.”
“No, don’t worry about it.” I said, putting the clothes on his dresser. I sat on his bed next to him and looked at him. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” He sat up. “How was it?”
“It was… visiting mum and dad.” He snorted.
“Did you go see Daddy’s mom?”
“Gee hasn’t really seen her, except for at the funeral, except for when he was… twenty-two maybe.” I said quietly. “What with… well, you remember. He told you when you were in the hospital.”
“I… don’t remember anything actually.” He admitted, looking down. “I mean, I know a lot happened… but I don’t really remember too much, except for after I was better.”
“Maybe Gee will tell you again.” I said, brushing his hair from his eyes.
“Is he… okay?”
“He and his dad didn’t have a healthy relationship.” I sighed. “But he was still his father and it still hurts when the person who raised you dies, regardless of how well you got along or mistakes that were made. I think Gerard is… angry at his dad, more than anything for not apologizing for what… what happened to him when he was younger. He’s not ready to talk about his dad dying though and if there’s one thing I learned about your dad since I’ve known him, it’s you can’t pressure him to talk. It ends badly… are you okay?”
He bit his lip and sighed. “I don’t think so.”
I hugged him. “I’m here. You can tell me anything, sweetie. I can handle anything you throw at me. Do you want to talk?”
“It’s the same stuff over and over. It doesn’t matter how many people I talk to about it, no one can help me decide what to do. I’m so sick of even thinking about it.” He groaned, pulling his knees to his chest and banging his head against his knees several times. “Eric and I…” he sighed softly again. “Everything is just wrong, Dad. None of it was supposed to end up like this. Everything was so good and then I got pneumonia and got sick… ever since then, it’s been so different. With Eric’s mom leaving, us getting married, college…” he shook his head. “I feel like I’m too young to feel what I’m feeling and it hurts. It hurts and it won’t go away. I’ve tried so many times and…” he trailed off but there were unshed tears in his blue eyes.
My heart sank and I pulled him to me again. “Honey, you’re growing up. It’s hard at first, you have to fall a few times before it all settles down.”
“I’ve been falling all of my life.” He began to cry. “Ever since I had to go and stay with my birth parents, it’s been one fall after another. You and dad divorced, Bella left and she never comes over any more, all I’ve ever done is fuck up since I came back from there and I hate it. Not to mention I was so mean to you guys before and I probably deserve everything I’m getting now.”
“Aiden, don’t you ever say that again. You don’t deserve this at all. You were confused when you were younger and only you think about that still, alright? No one is angry with you because we know who you are now. And that is what matters.”
“I don’t even know who I am anymore Dad. I did something so… so bad… that I can never forgive myself or Eric.” He was now sobbing. “I feel so much hatred towards him and I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“You don’t hate him… you may be angry with him, but you don’t hate him.” I whispered gently, rubbing his back comfortingly.
“No, I hate him.” He cried, still staking his head. “I hate him so much…”
“Oh, honey.” I cooed, kissing the top of his head. “Everything will be fine.”
“I don’t believe you.” He choked out through his sobs. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that anymore…”