‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Twenty-Nine
The Next Night…
Eric’s POV
“Dad’s in bed.” Aiden said tiredly, coming into our bedroom and shutting the light off behind him. He sighed softly and I sat up in bed where I’d been lying and watched him change clothes in the partial darkness. Our light next to our bed was still on, enabling him to see where he was going.
“Is he doing okay?” I asked, yawning.
He nodded and collapsed onto our bed, rolling over to face me. His blue eyes stared into mine and I smiled at him softly.
“Are you okay? Ever since that psycho chick in the hospital—.”
“She wasn’t psycho.” He snapped, and then his eyes widened. “I’m sorry, I just… I saw her and… Eric, she’s like me.”
“Like you? Who’ve you stabbed recently?” I said, giving him a doubtful look.
He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant… she’s anorexic…”
“Oh.” I felt a stab in my heart. I always felt it when Aiden mentioned his problem. I liked calling it his “problem” because that made it less real. A “problem” could be diarrhea, or a stomach ache. Not just anorexia. When he said it, when he said the word ‘anorexic’, it was like he was admitting defeat. “I didn’t mean she was crazy because of that, Aiden. I meant… going around, knocking you down and stabbing that guy or whatever…” I looked down, swallowing. Anytime I talked to Aiden anymore, I seemed to say something stupid. I didn’t get why I was like this, but it was starting to get to me.
“Yeah, but what if I am like that, Eric? What if not eating is going to make me crazy and I stab you or Dad or—.”
“That won’t happen.” I sighed, shaking my head.
“I have to quit.” Aiden continued on. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to die.”
I felt tears prickling my eyes and looked away. “You aren’t going to die because you’re going to get better.”
“I know that but it’s just not happening.” He sat up, picking at his nails. “I never used to bite my nails before. I never used to have any problems eating, or getting out of the house. Now it’s torture to go get the mail. I don’t want anyone to see me.”
I listened to him quietly, willing my tears away. I didn’t understand why so much had changed between us. I still loved Aiden as much as I ever had, but it was so different now.
Aiden stood and stormed from the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. I sat up, biting at my nails, and then sighed softly. I knew I should go and get him, but it was like I said. Everything was different now. He always pushed me away, anyway.
Go on after him. If you want to keep him, you’re going to have to do more than you are. a voice in the back of my head screamed. I stood up, making my way out and into the hallway. Aiden was out on the back porch, his legs pulled under him as he looked out into the yard. It was dark out, but when I opened the door light spilled out and into the yard.
He looked up at me and he looked like he was going to smile; almost. I sat by him on the floor of the porch, sliding my hand into his. He squeezed my hand back and laid his head on my shoulder.
“I want to see you.” I whispered. “You may not want to see yourself but I do. I still love you and nothing will ever change that.”
He nuzzled my neck, curling himself into me. I held onto him tightly, shivering.
“Maybe we should go in?” he mumbled into my neck before looking up at me with his bright blue eyes.
I nodded and helped him stand. While we were walking towards our room, Gerard stepped out of his bedroom and smiled at us. “Night, boys.”
“G’night, Dad.” Aiden yawned.
“Good night, Gerard.” I said, leading Aiden to our room. When we got into the room I turned the light off.
Aiden jumped onto the bed, crawled into the center, and took all six of our pillows. He made a tiny fort on the outside of him and bit his lip. “Why can’t we be magical? I could just summon some more pillows and make a fort.” He muttered darkly.
“Because this is a little something the adults like to call reality.” I teased, jumping onto the bed as well.
“Hey, don’t mess up my fort. I’m going to get more pillows. Four gay guys in one house, we have to have enough to make one to sit in.”
“Aiden,” I laughed, wrapping my arms around him. “We’ll make a fort tomorrow.”
He handed me my pillows, set his at the head of the bed and hit them a few times, and lay down on his back. I laid down on my side, facing him. He reached over me to turn the lamp off and the room was immediately dark, except for the light the moon was giving off.
I kissed him gently, running my hands through his dark hair. He lay down on top of me, hungrily kissing me back. I was a little put off by how light he was on me, but I pushed the thought away and kissed down his neck. All of a sudden, he let out a small whimper and nuzzled me. I pulled away to looked at him and noticed he looked like he was about to cry, his eyes shining over with tears.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him quietly, sitting up.
“N-Nothing is wrong… I just hate how you do this to me… sometimes I feel so close to you, Eric, and others it’s like I don’t know you…” he whispered, his lip beginning to tremble. “I just wish that I knew w-what was happening to us, to everyone… I just wish I was better… and I’m sorry I bitch and cry all of the goddamn time, but I just feel so alone. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for crying…” I whispered awkwardly, wrapping my arms around him. “I think I’m… to blame for a lot of your stress, actually… I make you worry about me all of the time and I start pointless fights and I know I don’t make things easy on you. I’m sorry.”
He nodded, wiping his eyes and looking like a small child. “It’s okay… I’d rather worry about you than think about the mess I’ve gotten myself into.”
“Look, honey… let’s get some sleep for tonight. Tomorrow we’ll go out, the two of us… and we’ll have a long talk.”
“It’s going to be a really long talk.” Aiden sniffed, moving off of me and getting under the covers.
“Yeah…” I echoed him quietly.
We both fell into an awkward silence and I glared at the ceiling. Everything was going just fine and he’d gotten emotional. Now I felt guilty as fuck because he’s still crying, but quietly. Maybe he thinks I’ve already fallen asleep.
I rolled to face him, draping one arm around him and resting my cheek against his. “I love you, baby. Good night.” I whispered.
“I love you.” He whispered back, but neither of us fell asleep.
Eric’s POV
“Dad’s in bed.” Aiden said tiredly, coming into our bedroom and shutting the light off behind him. He sighed softly and I sat up in bed where I’d been lying and watched him change clothes in the partial darkness. Our light next to our bed was still on, enabling him to see where he was going.
“Is he doing okay?” I asked, yawning.
He nodded and collapsed onto our bed, rolling over to face me. His blue eyes stared into mine and I smiled at him softly.
“Are you okay? Ever since that psycho chick in the hospital—.”
“She wasn’t psycho.” He snapped, and then his eyes widened. “I’m sorry, I just… I saw her and… Eric, she’s like me.”
“Like you? Who’ve you stabbed recently?” I said, giving him a doubtful look.
He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant… she’s anorexic…”
“Oh.” I felt a stab in my heart. I always felt it when Aiden mentioned his problem. I liked calling it his “problem” because that made it less real. A “problem” could be diarrhea, or a stomach ache. Not just anorexia. When he said it, when he said the word ‘anorexic’, it was like he was admitting defeat. “I didn’t mean she was crazy because of that, Aiden. I meant… going around, knocking you down and stabbing that guy or whatever…” I looked down, swallowing. Anytime I talked to Aiden anymore, I seemed to say something stupid. I didn’t get why I was like this, but it was starting to get to me.
“Yeah, but what if I am like that, Eric? What if not eating is going to make me crazy and I stab you or Dad or—.”
“That won’t happen.” I sighed, shaking my head.
“I have to quit.” Aiden continued on. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to die.”
I felt tears prickling my eyes and looked away. “You aren’t going to die because you’re going to get better.”
“I know that but it’s just not happening.” He sat up, picking at his nails. “I never used to bite my nails before. I never used to have any problems eating, or getting out of the house. Now it’s torture to go get the mail. I don’t want anyone to see me.”
I listened to him quietly, willing my tears away. I didn’t understand why so much had changed between us. I still loved Aiden as much as I ever had, but it was so different now.
Aiden stood and stormed from the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. I sat up, biting at my nails, and then sighed softly. I knew I should go and get him, but it was like I said. Everything was different now. He always pushed me away, anyway.
Go on after him. If you want to keep him, you’re going to have to do more than you are. a voice in the back of my head screamed. I stood up, making my way out and into the hallway. Aiden was out on the back porch, his legs pulled under him as he looked out into the yard. It was dark out, but when I opened the door light spilled out and into the yard.
He looked up at me and he looked like he was going to smile; almost. I sat by him on the floor of the porch, sliding my hand into his. He squeezed my hand back and laid his head on my shoulder.
“I want to see you.” I whispered. “You may not want to see yourself but I do. I still love you and nothing will ever change that.”
He nuzzled my neck, curling himself into me. I held onto him tightly, shivering.
“Maybe we should go in?” he mumbled into my neck before looking up at me with his bright blue eyes.
I nodded and helped him stand. While we were walking towards our room, Gerard stepped out of his bedroom and smiled at us. “Night, boys.”
“G’night, Dad.” Aiden yawned.
“Good night, Gerard.” I said, leading Aiden to our room. When we got into the room I turned the light off.
Aiden jumped onto the bed, crawled into the center, and took all six of our pillows. He made a tiny fort on the outside of him and bit his lip. “Why can’t we be magical? I could just summon some more pillows and make a fort.” He muttered darkly.
“Because this is a little something the adults like to call reality.” I teased, jumping onto the bed as well.
“Hey, don’t mess up my fort. I’m going to get more pillows. Four gay guys in one house, we have to have enough to make one to sit in.”
“Aiden,” I laughed, wrapping my arms around him. “We’ll make a fort tomorrow.”
He handed me my pillows, set his at the head of the bed and hit them a few times, and lay down on his back. I laid down on my side, facing him. He reached over me to turn the lamp off and the room was immediately dark, except for the light the moon was giving off.
I kissed him gently, running my hands through his dark hair. He lay down on top of me, hungrily kissing me back. I was a little put off by how light he was on me, but I pushed the thought away and kissed down his neck. All of a sudden, he let out a small whimper and nuzzled me. I pulled away to looked at him and noticed he looked like he was about to cry, his eyes shining over with tears.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him quietly, sitting up.
“N-Nothing is wrong… I just hate how you do this to me… sometimes I feel so close to you, Eric, and others it’s like I don’t know you…” he whispered, his lip beginning to tremble. “I just wish that I knew w-what was happening to us, to everyone… I just wish I was better… and I’m sorry I bitch and cry all of the goddamn time, but I just feel so alone. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for crying…” I whispered awkwardly, wrapping my arms around him. “I think I’m… to blame for a lot of your stress, actually… I make you worry about me all of the time and I start pointless fights and I know I don’t make things easy on you. I’m sorry.”
He nodded, wiping his eyes and looking like a small child. “It’s okay… I’d rather worry about you than think about the mess I’ve gotten myself into.”
“Look, honey… let’s get some sleep for tonight. Tomorrow we’ll go out, the two of us… and we’ll have a long talk.”
“It’s going to be a really long talk.” Aiden sniffed, moving off of me and getting under the covers.
“Yeah…” I echoed him quietly.
We both fell into an awkward silence and I glared at the ceiling. Everything was going just fine and he’d gotten emotional. Now I felt guilty as fuck because he’s still crying, but quietly. Maybe he thinks I’ve already fallen asleep.
I rolled to face him, draping one arm around him and resting my cheek against his. “I love you, baby. Good night.” I whispered.
“I love you.” He whispered back, but neither of us fell asleep.