‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Thirty-Four
Eric’s POV
“Aiden, please let me talk.” I said quickly, the second he opened the door. “Don’t talk, don’t talk. Let me say something before you do anything rash. Please.” My hands were shaking and I knew I was about to cry.
He looked at me calmly, as if nothing had happened. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Asher told you, I know that. But you have to know why I didn’t tell you… I knew it would hurt you! I couldn’t stand to hurt you again. I was just so stressed out and—.”
He raised a hand. “I don’t want to hear about it.” He had closed his eyes and his face looked pained. “Believe me, I do not want to think about it, or hear about it. The only reason I came home is because it isn’t fair to have Jack come home to his uncle freaking out. So please, do not talk to me about this.”
Tears filled my eyes. “We have to! We have to talk about this, we have to talk until we can’t! I don’t want to lose you over something as stupid as sex!”
“Sex was something intimate between us!” he whimpered. “Y-You had only had sex with me, Eric! That was the one thing that… made you you. The fact that you saved yourself for me, for whatever reason. And now that is gone because you… you…”
“You had sex in the threesome, what is the difference?”
“IT SHOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED! YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DID THAT I DID NOT WANT TO HAVE THAT— THING.” He seemed to remember his parents were right downstairs, probably even listening for screams like this. They were pretty worried about him all night, especially after the police called. He sighed. “That was—that is something that I have regretted since it happened. It confused me. I was sick and I hadn’t been fucking touched like that since the last time with you which had been ages ago. You took the fact that I got a hard on as permission to let my best friend fuck you while you fucked me. I never wanted that, and you know it. I said okay because I was obviously out of my head. How many decisions did I make those few months that you agreed with? We were in constant arguments over what I did wrong, what I didn’t do, what I should have done. You fucked up! You had sex with my best friend—my best friend— whom I have known since the age of 12, way before you came into the picture. Not only did you have sex with Asher, but you did it on a day that I was home sick. Does it not occur to you, or has it ever occurred to you, that I could have even died?”
Tears were streaming down my face. “Aiden, please… please let me talk.”
“I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear why you did it or how you did it, where or when. I want you out of my face.”
“No! I’m not leaving this fucking room until we talk.”
“I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW!” he shouted.
“Well I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen!” I sobbed. “Aiden, it just happened. Once. It happened once! Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Because you fucked Asher! Do you not grasp the seriousness of this? Of the several layers of trust you broke with those 5 minutes of sex? You took the one beautiful thing left in the world to me and wrecked it! Beyond repair, you wrecked it! What happens now, honey? We ‘move past this’? Every time you go somewhere without me, it will be there in the back of my head. ‘Is he fucking Asher? Maybe he’s fucking Brooke this time. Maybe that faggot Jimmy James who does fucking crack cocaine,’ you mother fucking whore! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!” He collapsed onto the floor, crying. “How could you do this to me after everything? Everything I’ve given you, everything we’ve been through, everything I gave up for you? I don’t understand where it went wrong.”
I stood there, sobbing and not knowing what to say. I hated myself more and more by the minute, wishing this hadn’t been brought up. Why had he even gone to Asher’s?
You knew it was going to come up eventually.
“Aiden—.”
“Please, I can’t take hearing your voice that was fucking screaming his name. Oh my God.” he ran into the bathroom, throwing up.
“Don’t do this! Don’t throw up! Oh my god.” I sat on the bed, sobbing into my hands as he continued puking into the toilet and crying.
This was awful. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
Every time I thought he was done, he would throw up more and cry louder, which in turn made me cry harder.
Frank stormed into the room and looked at me, sobbing on the bed, and Aiden puking and crying into the toilet. “Someone had better tell me what is going on now before I have a heart attack.” He said, looking back and fourth between the two of us. Aiden let out a particularly loud retch and Frank went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I continued to sob, hearing muffled voices and vomiting. This was so bad. How had I done this? He was going to leave me, I was nothing without him. I took it too far, did too much. I didn’t try hard enough to keep his love.
It had to have been an hour before the door opened. Aiden was asleep on the bathroom floor, pale and his face tear stained.
“What just happened to my son?” Frank asked slowly.
All I could do was cry.
“Someone better fix this! I will not have him going anorexic again!” he hissed, and left the room.
I was late for work, so late. They had probably tried calling, I was probably fired, but I couldn’t even stop crying enough to stand and find my phone. I forced myself up, pulling the blanket from the bed. I placed it over Aiden, still crying, and then laid on top of the sheets until I cried myself to sleep.
Aiden’s POV
The Next Morning…
My neck was stiff, like I’d slept on a bad chair all night long. My lungs, eyes, and nose hurt, and my face and mouth felt unbelievably sticky. Not to mention I had the taste of vomit in my mouth. I rolled over, and realized I was on the floor. The bathroom floor.
I shot up, almost hitting my head on the sink. My stomach seemed to lurch, but I swallowed and fought the urge to throw up. I stood up and headed out and into the house, noting my bedroom was empty.
About halfway down the hall, last night hit me again.
Eric and Asher.
Sex.
Fighting with Eric last night.
Throwing up.
Dad coming in, freaking out.
Waking up in the middle of the night, only to start throwing up alone again.
And I came to the conclusion that yesterday had not been a good day. I continued my way into the kitchen. Eric sat in there, alone and staring into a bowl of soggy cereal. He looked up when I came in, and then looked back down. I went to the cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bowl. I took them both to the counter and got out the orange juice—pulp free, because it was the only kind I would drink ever since I was a little boy— screwing open the lid. I didn’t notice my hands shaking, until the jug fell from them and spilled all over me, the counter, and the kitchen floor. Eric raced over, some kitchen towels in his hands. I knelt down, taking them from him without a word, and started to clean. He cleaned off the drawers and the counter top.
“Now I have to fucking mop.” I muttered angrily, going towards the storage closet. I pulled out the swiffer, pushed the button, and ran it over the remaining juice. Eric watched me, looking almost scared. When I was done I put the swiffer mop up and went back to the counter, pouring myself some orange juice. It had gotten all over the jug, too, making not only my clothes sticky but now my hands as well. I closed my eyes, drinking the entire half glass. My head and stomach were killing me, absolutely killing me.
Without even paying attention to Eric, who I knew was watching me cautiously, I sat down at the table and laid my head on it, moaning quietly. This was not going to be a good day. My stomach was fucking kidding me, it hurt so bad.
“Are you okay?” Eric asked quietly.
I shook my head.
“… What’s wrong?”
“None of your goddamn business.” I snapped, standing and swaying.
He rushed to my side but I pushed at him. “Don’t be ridiculous, you almost collapsed.” He snapped right back, holding me firmly up. “I’ll sit you down and get your dad.”
I didn’t respond, and I barely moved my feet as he led me to the couch. Partly because I wanted to be difficult and partly because my stomach hurt too much.
Eric sighed, sat me down, and left returning moments later with Dad.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“My head and my stomach.” I said as a spasm of pain hit my stomach. I bent over, clutching my stomach. “Oh, fuuuck. This is not normal, Dad. Shit.”
Dad glanced at Eric. “What’s wrong with him? I’m at a loss of whats going on here, boys. Do I need to get you to a doctor?”
“No, no. Let me sit, please. I think I just need food.” I said into my thighs, whimpering. “Someone please get me something… I don’t even care what.”
Eric rushed into the kitchen.
“Baby, is this from throwing up last night? You’ve got orange juice all over you, don’t you?” Dad asked worriedly. “Sit up for me.”
I shook my head. “If I sit up, I’ll hurl. I can’t. Oh my God, it’s like acid coming up my throat.” I stood up, running out onto the porch. I fell down on the grass, throwing up. It smelled awful, absolutely disgusting. Dad, Daddy, and Eric were right behind me.
“What is he throwing up?! He hasn’t eaten!” Dad exclaimed.
“It’s stress.” Daddy said, bending down by me. “Are you done?” he whispered.
“No.” I whispered back, shaking my head. “It’s happening again, no, its fucking happening again.” What felt like acid worked its way up my body and out, onto the grass. It soiled the knees of my jeans, but now that I’d started I couldn’t stop. It hurt worse than almost anything, it smelled terrible, but I was beginning to feel better and after a bit I didn’t mind because my stomach was emptying of whatever this was and it was feeling better. So much fucking better.
“It’s been ten minutes. I’m calling a doctor. Something is wrong.” Dad said, going into the house.
“Eric, I think he’s done. For now. Help me get him up to his room. I’ll need you to change his clothes.” Daddy told him.
“Anything but that.” I moaned out as they both lifted me to a standing position. They both carried me to my room much like Eric had carried me to the living room seconds before.
“Get him changed, a doctor will be here soon.” Daddy said, and shut the door behind him.
“Don’t touch me.” I sneered, stumbling to the drawer and almost falling.
“Aiden, honestly. Sit down and let me help you.”
“I don’t want your fucking help. Go help Asher jack off if you wanna help someone that bad.”
Eric look like I had punched him and I smirked triumphantly. He came up, pulling down my jeans quickly. I almost fell over and had to grab onto him for support, much to my dismay. He pulled on some of my old pajama pants that still fit— at least he had the brains to pick ones I wouldn’t mind puking all over— and then pulled off my t-shirt.
This doctor coming was pointless. What was he going to say was wrong with me? Stomach virus?
Maybe try broken heart.
I muttered this as Eric pulled on my most comfortable t-shirt.
And then we sat there, on my bed, in silence. I wanted him to leave, but could not find the words to ask it. Tears stung my eyes and I began to cry, my shoulders shaking.
“Aid—.” Eric began, but I cut him off abruptly.
"Please leave me alone. You’ve done enough damage already. Talking about it just makes it hurt more. Seeing you, hearing you makes it hurt more.”
“We have to talk about it. We need to work this out.”
“I don’t know if I want to work it out!” I screamed, standing. Why was he not listening to me? I told him I wanted him to shut up, to leave me alone. He just kept pushing me and pushing me.
“Lay down. You’ll get—.”
“Fuck off, Eric! Just go burn in hell!” I left the room, slamming the door behind me. Upon coming downstairs, I immediately saw Dad. “If you can reverse buying that house, you should do it. Why, you ask? Because as it stands, I no longer consider myself married to that insolent little prick!”
“Aiden, shh. Sit by me, honey. C’mere.” Dad got up, put his hand on mine, and coaxed me into sitting on the couch next to him.
“He slept with Asher.” I began to sob once again, my hands going up around his neck. “Daddy, he cheated on me with my b-best friend.” He was silent, pulling me even closer to him. I buried my face into his shoulder, crying helplessly while babbling in what probably was an unintelligible voice. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I’m happy one minute and the next something h-happens and my en-entire world comes c-crushing down but I-I’ve never felt this bad b-b-before. I-It’s like I c-can’t breathe b-because it hurts so much. E-Every time he t-talks I p-picture h-him and Asher t-together and h-he keeps apologi-gizing but it doesn’t matter.”
“Shh, honey.”
I let out a few more loud sobs before I felt myself, once again, relaxing. I took a very deep breath and wiped my sore eyes.
“Shh.” Dad kept whispering, running his fingers through my hair and up and down my back.
“I was so ready to b-be grown up and in-independent. Live alone with h-him and c-care for him. I was gonna get a j-job so we d-didn’t rely on you guys so much. N-Now I don’t even know! I don’t think w-we were meant to b-be together at all anymore. How could it h-have gone so wrong? M-Maybe I’ve been lying to myself, trying to make i-it work. Maybe I should j-just give up because I can’t take much more of this, Dad. I’m at the last straw. I c-can’t handle it.”
“Those are all things I wish I could answer for you.” Dad said quietly, rubbing my back. “But we both know I can’t… and if you chose to leave him I’m behind you, but if you chose to stay I am too. I know this marriage has been very hard on the both of you, you were too young. By a landslide. You have too much going on and you’re changing, you’re becoming a grown man and your discovering things to life. Maybe he’s discovering other things and sometimes love changes and evolved and sometimes it turns into memories of what you had with someone but you can always make new memories with someone else…”
“But we’ve been together so long.” I whispered, sniffling. Dad looked at me sadly and I could tell he genuinely felt bad for me. “It feels like a waste and I really do love him… at least I thought I did. W-What if it’s my fault?”
“Honey, that is in no way your fault… that was Eric’s and Asher’s. You can take blame for some of the arguments, but this wasn’t your fault.”
“If he did it because of the arguments?” I looked at him with big eyes.
“Still not your fault.” He kissed my forehead. “But try to not worry about it…. Let it sink in before you make any life changing decisions.”
I nodded and sighed. “How did you forgive Daddy?”
“… It took like 5 years… I never really blamed him though, honey. He has his addictions and problems just like any other human being. I knew he was getting bad again and I knew something would happen… I just needed a break and then he married her… that just made me hate him because I knew he was settling for someone he didn’t love and I loved him too much to see him throw his life away on someone he didn’t love. Something in her case.”
“Eric doesn’t have any addictions, he’s just stupid.” I muttered.
“If you choose to leave him… and listen to this carefully… do not do it solely because he cheated on you. Mistakes happen… if you leave him make it be because you honest to god can’t take it anymore, any of it and you know what ‘it’ is. If you think too much has changed, you can get out. Your father and I are here to support you financially… emotionally, physically… you have us and you never need to worry about staying in a situation because you don’t want us to feel poorly about it or you think you’ll have no money or anything…”
“It’s not even that… I love him, Dad. Too much. But this isn’t the him I married, this isn’t the him I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’ll send me to an early grave!”
There was a knock on the door. The doctor.
“I’ll tell him you’re feeling better, babe. But go lay down in mine and Daddy’s bed and take a nap… try to not think of this.”
I sighed and nodded, heading towards his room. Like I would get sleep anyway. Ha.
“Aiden, please let me talk.” I said quickly, the second he opened the door. “Don’t talk, don’t talk. Let me say something before you do anything rash. Please.” My hands were shaking and I knew I was about to cry.
He looked at me calmly, as if nothing had happened. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Asher told you, I know that. But you have to know why I didn’t tell you… I knew it would hurt you! I couldn’t stand to hurt you again. I was just so stressed out and—.”
He raised a hand. “I don’t want to hear about it.” He had closed his eyes and his face looked pained. “Believe me, I do not want to think about it, or hear about it. The only reason I came home is because it isn’t fair to have Jack come home to his uncle freaking out. So please, do not talk to me about this.”
Tears filled my eyes. “We have to! We have to talk about this, we have to talk until we can’t! I don’t want to lose you over something as stupid as sex!”
“Sex was something intimate between us!” he whimpered. “Y-You had only had sex with me, Eric! That was the one thing that… made you you. The fact that you saved yourself for me, for whatever reason. And now that is gone because you… you…”
“You had sex in the threesome, what is the difference?”
“IT SHOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED! YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DID THAT I DID NOT WANT TO HAVE THAT— THING.” He seemed to remember his parents were right downstairs, probably even listening for screams like this. They were pretty worried about him all night, especially after the police called. He sighed. “That was—that is something that I have regretted since it happened. It confused me. I was sick and I hadn’t been fucking touched like that since the last time with you which had been ages ago. You took the fact that I got a hard on as permission to let my best friend fuck you while you fucked me. I never wanted that, and you know it. I said okay because I was obviously out of my head. How many decisions did I make those few months that you agreed with? We were in constant arguments over what I did wrong, what I didn’t do, what I should have done. You fucked up! You had sex with my best friend—my best friend— whom I have known since the age of 12, way before you came into the picture. Not only did you have sex with Asher, but you did it on a day that I was home sick. Does it not occur to you, or has it ever occurred to you, that I could have even died?”
Tears were streaming down my face. “Aiden, please… please let me talk.”
“I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear why you did it or how you did it, where or when. I want you out of my face.”
“No! I’m not leaving this fucking room until we talk.”
“I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW!” he shouted.
“Well I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen!” I sobbed. “Aiden, it just happened. Once. It happened once! Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Because you fucked Asher! Do you not grasp the seriousness of this? Of the several layers of trust you broke with those 5 minutes of sex? You took the one beautiful thing left in the world to me and wrecked it! Beyond repair, you wrecked it! What happens now, honey? We ‘move past this’? Every time you go somewhere without me, it will be there in the back of my head. ‘Is he fucking Asher? Maybe he’s fucking Brooke this time. Maybe that faggot Jimmy James who does fucking crack cocaine,’ you mother fucking whore! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!” He collapsed onto the floor, crying. “How could you do this to me after everything? Everything I’ve given you, everything we’ve been through, everything I gave up for you? I don’t understand where it went wrong.”
I stood there, sobbing and not knowing what to say. I hated myself more and more by the minute, wishing this hadn’t been brought up. Why had he even gone to Asher’s?
You knew it was going to come up eventually.
“Aiden—.”
“Please, I can’t take hearing your voice that was fucking screaming his name. Oh my God.” he ran into the bathroom, throwing up.
“Don’t do this! Don’t throw up! Oh my god.” I sat on the bed, sobbing into my hands as he continued puking into the toilet and crying.
This was awful. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
Every time I thought he was done, he would throw up more and cry louder, which in turn made me cry harder.
Frank stormed into the room and looked at me, sobbing on the bed, and Aiden puking and crying into the toilet. “Someone had better tell me what is going on now before I have a heart attack.” He said, looking back and fourth between the two of us. Aiden let out a particularly loud retch and Frank went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I continued to sob, hearing muffled voices and vomiting. This was so bad. How had I done this? He was going to leave me, I was nothing without him. I took it too far, did too much. I didn’t try hard enough to keep his love.
It had to have been an hour before the door opened. Aiden was asleep on the bathroom floor, pale and his face tear stained.
“What just happened to my son?” Frank asked slowly.
All I could do was cry.
“Someone better fix this! I will not have him going anorexic again!” he hissed, and left the room.
I was late for work, so late. They had probably tried calling, I was probably fired, but I couldn’t even stop crying enough to stand and find my phone. I forced myself up, pulling the blanket from the bed. I placed it over Aiden, still crying, and then laid on top of the sheets until I cried myself to sleep.
Aiden’s POV
The Next Morning…
My neck was stiff, like I’d slept on a bad chair all night long. My lungs, eyes, and nose hurt, and my face and mouth felt unbelievably sticky. Not to mention I had the taste of vomit in my mouth. I rolled over, and realized I was on the floor. The bathroom floor.
I shot up, almost hitting my head on the sink. My stomach seemed to lurch, but I swallowed and fought the urge to throw up. I stood up and headed out and into the house, noting my bedroom was empty.
About halfway down the hall, last night hit me again.
Eric and Asher.
Sex.
Fighting with Eric last night.
Throwing up.
Dad coming in, freaking out.
Waking up in the middle of the night, only to start throwing up alone again.
And I came to the conclusion that yesterday had not been a good day. I continued my way into the kitchen. Eric sat in there, alone and staring into a bowl of soggy cereal. He looked up when I came in, and then looked back down. I went to the cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bowl. I took them both to the counter and got out the orange juice—pulp free, because it was the only kind I would drink ever since I was a little boy— screwing open the lid. I didn’t notice my hands shaking, until the jug fell from them and spilled all over me, the counter, and the kitchen floor. Eric raced over, some kitchen towels in his hands. I knelt down, taking them from him without a word, and started to clean. He cleaned off the drawers and the counter top.
“Now I have to fucking mop.” I muttered angrily, going towards the storage closet. I pulled out the swiffer, pushed the button, and ran it over the remaining juice. Eric watched me, looking almost scared. When I was done I put the swiffer mop up and went back to the counter, pouring myself some orange juice. It had gotten all over the jug, too, making not only my clothes sticky but now my hands as well. I closed my eyes, drinking the entire half glass. My head and stomach were killing me, absolutely killing me.
Without even paying attention to Eric, who I knew was watching me cautiously, I sat down at the table and laid my head on it, moaning quietly. This was not going to be a good day. My stomach was fucking kidding me, it hurt so bad.
“Are you okay?” Eric asked quietly.
I shook my head.
“… What’s wrong?”
“None of your goddamn business.” I snapped, standing and swaying.
He rushed to my side but I pushed at him. “Don’t be ridiculous, you almost collapsed.” He snapped right back, holding me firmly up. “I’ll sit you down and get your dad.”
I didn’t respond, and I barely moved my feet as he led me to the couch. Partly because I wanted to be difficult and partly because my stomach hurt too much.
Eric sighed, sat me down, and left returning moments later with Dad.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“My head and my stomach.” I said as a spasm of pain hit my stomach. I bent over, clutching my stomach. “Oh, fuuuck. This is not normal, Dad. Shit.”
Dad glanced at Eric. “What’s wrong with him? I’m at a loss of whats going on here, boys. Do I need to get you to a doctor?”
“No, no. Let me sit, please. I think I just need food.” I said into my thighs, whimpering. “Someone please get me something… I don’t even care what.”
Eric rushed into the kitchen.
“Baby, is this from throwing up last night? You’ve got orange juice all over you, don’t you?” Dad asked worriedly. “Sit up for me.”
I shook my head. “If I sit up, I’ll hurl. I can’t. Oh my God, it’s like acid coming up my throat.” I stood up, running out onto the porch. I fell down on the grass, throwing up. It smelled awful, absolutely disgusting. Dad, Daddy, and Eric were right behind me.
“What is he throwing up?! He hasn’t eaten!” Dad exclaimed.
“It’s stress.” Daddy said, bending down by me. “Are you done?” he whispered.
“No.” I whispered back, shaking my head. “It’s happening again, no, its fucking happening again.” What felt like acid worked its way up my body and out, onto the grass. It soiled the knees of my jeans, but now that I’d started I couldn’t stop. It hurt worse than almost anything, it smelled terrible, but I was beginning to feel better and after a bit I didn’t mind because my stomach was emptying of whatever this was and it was feeling better. So much fucking better.
“It’s been ten minutes. I’m calling a doctor. Something is wrong.” Dad said, going into the house.
“Eric, I think he’s done. For now. Help me get him up to his room. I’ll need you to change his clothes.” Daddy told him.
“Anything but that.” I moaned out as they both lifted me to a standing position. They both carried me to my room much like Eric had carried me to the living room seconds before.
“Get him changed, a doctor will be here soon.” Daddy said, and shut the door behind him.
“Don’t touch me.” I sneered, stumbling to the drawer and almost falling.
“Aiden, honestly. Sit down and let me help you.”
“I don’t want your fucking help. Go help Asher jack off if you wanna help someone that bad.”
Eric look like I had punched him and I smirked triumphantly. He came up, pulling down my jeans quickly. I almost fell over and had to grab onto him for support, much to my dismay. He pulled on some of my old pajama pants that still fit— at least he had the brains to pick ones I wouldn’t mind puking all over— and then pulled off my t-shirt.
This doctor coming was pointless. What was he going to say was wrong with me? Stomach virus?
Maybe try broken heart.
I muttered this as Eric pulled on my most comfortable t-shirt.
And then we sat there, on my bed, in silence. I wanted him to leave, but could not find the words to ask it. Tears stung my eyes and I began to cry, my shoulders shaking.
“Aid—.” Eric began, but I cut him off abruptly.
"Please leave me alone. You’ve done enough damage already. Talking about it just makes it hurt more. Seeing you, hearing you makes it hurt more.”
“We have to talk about it. We need to work this out.”
“I don’t know if I want to work it out!” I screamed, standing. Why was he not listening to me? I told him I wanted him to shut up, to leave me alone. He just kept pushing me and pushing me.
“Lay down. You’ll get—.”
“Fuck off, Eric! Just go burn in hell!” I left the room, slamming the door behind me. Upon coming downstairs, I immediately saw Dad. “If you can reverse buying that house, you should do it. Why, you ask? Because as it stands, I no longer consider myself married to that insolent little prick!”
“Aiden, shh. Sit by me, honey. C’mere.” Dad got up, put his hand on mine, and coaxed me into sitting on the couch next to him.
“He slept with Asher.” I began to sob once again, my hands going up around his neck. “Daddy, he cheated on me with my b-best friend.” He was silent, pulling me even closer to him. I buried my face into his shoulder, crying helplessly while babbling in what probably was an unintelligible voice. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I’m happy one minute and the next something h-happens and my en-entire world comes c-crushing down but I-I’ve never felt this bad b-b-before. I-It’s like I c-can’t breathe b-because it hurts so much. E-Every time he t-talks I p-picture h-him and Asher t-together and h-he keeps apologi-gizing but it doesn’t matter.”
“Shh, honey.”
I let out a few more loud sobs before I felt myself, once again, relaxing. I took a very deep breath and wiped my sore eyes.
“Shh.” Dad kept whispering, running his fingers through my hair and up and down my back.
“I was so ready to b-be grown up and in-independent. Live alone with h-him and c-care for him. I was gonna get a j-job so we d-didn’t rely on you guys so much. N-Now I don’t even know! I don’t think w-we were meant to b-be together at all anymore. How could it h-have gone so wrong? M-Maybe I’ve been lying to myself, trying to make i-it work. Maybe I should j-just give up because I can’t take much more of this, Dad. I’m at the last straw. I c-can’t handle it.”
“Those are all things I wish I could answer for you.” Dad said quietly, rubbing my back. “But we both know I can’t… and if you chose to leave him I’m behind you, but if you chose to stay I am too. I know this marriage has been very hard on the both of you, you were too young. By a landslide. You have too much going on and you’re changing, you’re becoming a grown man and your discovering things to life. Maybe he’s discovering other things and sometimes love changes and evolved and sometimes it turns into memories of what you had with someone but you can always make new memories with someone else…”
“But we’ve been together so long.” I whispered, sniffling. Dad looked at me sadly and I could tell he genuinely felt bad for me. “It feels like a waste and I really do love him… at least I thought I did. W-What if it’s my fault?”
“Honey, that is in no way your fault… that was Eric’s and Asher’s. You can take blame for some of the arguments, but this wasn’t your fault.”
“If he did it because of the arguments?” I looked at him with big eyes.
“Still not your fault.” He kissed my forehead. “But try to not worry about it…. Let it sink in before you make any life changing decisions.”
I nodded and sighed. “How did you forgive Daddy?”
“… It took like 5 years… I never really blamed him though, honey. He has his addictions and problems just like any other human being. I knew he was getting bad again and I knew something would happen… I just needed a break and then he married her… that just made me hate him because I knew he was settling for someone he didn’t love and I loved him too much to see him throw his life away on someone he didn’t love. Something in her case.”
“Eric doesn’t have any addictions, he’s just stupid.” I muttered.
“If you choose to leave him… and listen to this carefully… do not do it solely because he cheated on you. Mistakes happen… if you leave him make it be because you honest to god can’t take it anymore, any of it and you know what ‘it’ is. If you think too much has changed, you can get out. Your father and I are here to support you financially… emotionally, physically… you have us and you never need to worry about staying in a situation because you don’t want us to feel poorly about it or you think you’ll have no money or anything…”
“It’s not even that… I love him, Dad. Too much. But this isn’t the him I married, this isn’t the him I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’ll send me to an early grave!”
There was a knock on the door. The doctor.
“I’ll tell him you’re feeling better, babe. But go lay down in mine and Daddy’s bed and take a nap… try to not think of this.”
I sighed and nodded, heading towards his room. Like I would get sleep anyway. Ha.