‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Thirty-Six
Aiden’s POV
It took me three days to get up the courage to face Eric. I decided I would have to do it in person, because over the phone it would be too easy for me to hang up on him.
I walked onto the University of Toronto campus and headed towards the small bookstore where he worked. He was at the desk, looking down boredly at something. No one else was in the small store I noticed. He looked up and his eyes tripled in size when he saw me. He stood up, rushing around to the other side of the desk. Then he leaned against it unsurely, not knowing whether it was safe to approach me. “Hi…”
“Hey.” I whispered, looking down.
“Aiden… you look good.” He said, coming forward.
“You look tired.” I said, looking up and into his eyes. They had dark circles underneath them.
“Well, I haven’t been sleeping much since…. It.” He sighed.
“We have to talk now. I can’t put it off anymore.”
He pulled out a chair from behind the desk for me, and sat down where he had been. “Okay. Let’s talk.”
I sent a glance towards the door, and then looked back at him. “I’m hurt.”
Eric closed his gray eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry… It was such a stupid thing I did. There’s nothing I can ever do to make it right… I’m just so sorry.”
I sighed and watched him open his eyes. He looked at me, biting his lip.
“I don’t want this to ruin us and what we have.” He whispered, looking down. “I think what we have is special.”
“I feel like God is giving us signs and we’re ignoring them… look at all of this shit that’s happened to us. What id God is telling us we’re all wrong for each other?” I said, looking past him and out the window behind him.
“What if he’s testing us to see if we can stay together through it all?” Eric challenged.
“I don’t know.” I massaged my forehead and leaned back into the chair. “I don’t know anything anymore, actually. I’m waiting for some epiphany to happen. I’m waiting for anything to happen… anything good, that is. But everyone just throws shit at me.”
“What do you want me to say? What can I do to make you feel better?” he leaned over the desk, eyes level with mine.
“I want to feel like I did when I was fourteen years old and I had just met you.” My eyes were narrowed at him.
“How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to make you feel like you did six years ago?”
“I don’t know.” I muttered, glaring. “Maybe we just changed.”
“I’m so sick of hearing that I’ve ‘changed’, Aiden. You’ve changed too. It is not just me! Ever since you got the goddamn pneumonia and anorexia, things changed for EVERYONE. You’re the one griping! Why can’t you accept how your life is playing out? I have. I’ve accepted that y-you’re sick and that my parents hate me. Your dads have accepted the fact that Gerard’s family disowned him. Frank’s accepted that Bella doesn’t visit anymore. Why can’t you accept that I’m not the same person I was six years ago? Maybe if you would quit dwelling on the past, we could make a fucking future! GODDAMNIT AIDEN. If you’re that fucking unhappy with me, CALL IT OFF and let me MOVE ON.”
“But I still love you!” I felt angry tears in my eyes. Maybe he was right; maybe I should accept my life as it was. But I wanted the passion back. I wanted to be as happy as I was as a teenager. This was not what I wanted out of life. Who wanted their life to be miserable? “I don’t want to leave you, I just want you to—.”
“You want me to change?” Eric shook his head in disgust.
I felt guilty after saying it. He cheated on me, yet somehow I ended up feeling guilty? It wasn’t fair. “Don’t turn this around on me being the bad person, Eric.”
“I’m working, you need to just go.” Eric stood.
“No! No, I won’t go! Not until we get this shit out!”
“YOU HAD FUCKING MONTHS TO SORT IT OUT! SORT IT OUT ON YOUR OWN NOW BECAUSE I’M SURE AS HELL NOT CHANGING FOR YOU ANY FUCKING MORE!”
I stood up and ran out, slamming the door behind me. I then turned around and ran back in. “Fuck you! You’re the most narcissistic bitch that I’ve ever met! You go around, whining because your parents don’t love you! You think because you had a hard childhood that I should fucking bow down to you and accept everything you do badly. That I should have no problemwith anything you do to me because you had it bad as a kid. I didn’t have it that fucking well either! I’ve never had it easy. Fuck my p-parent’s money. Money makes you more fucking miserable when you’ve got fucking—.” I was crying too hard to speak now. I could barely breathe.
Eric rushed over, wrapping his arms around me. “Shh, honey… shh… calm down.”
I stood limply in his arms, my own arms lying at my side. “I’m sorry I’m a bad husband.” I sobbed.
“You aren’t at all… thank you for yelling at me.” He whispered, brushing down my hair.
I finally moved my arms to wrap around his waist, hugging him. “I still love you.” I looked up, pressing my nose against his. “I still care for you and for us… I still want to be with you.”
“Oh, honey… I want to be with you too.” He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine.
We shared a long kiss and I tried to pretend everything was okay, and that he hadn’t had sex with my best friend. It worked.
When we pulled away, I smiled slightly and sniffled. “It’s okay… right?”
He nodded, kissing me again quickly.
“You have a really bad job if you just sit here alone all day.” I snorted, pulling out of his arms and looking around the small building. We were still deserted.
“Yeah, I know… no one ever comes in. Who needs books during the school year?” he smiled.
I sniffled a few more times, resting my head on his shoulder.
“I’m going to call my boss…. I want to take you home.” Eric whispered, and then headed over to the desk.
“No… no, I’ll leave if you have to work… or I’ll just sit here and watch you. I don’t want to go. I know I’m supposed to be mad at you but…” I trailed off.
“I just want to be with you at home, not here at work.” He picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Hey, Marie… yeah, no. Is it possible that I can go home? My husband is here and… oh, thank you. No, I can’ wait for you to get here, that’s fine… Thanks.” He hung up and smiled shyly at me. “She’ll be over in about 20 minutes.”
“You didn’t have to do that.” I whispered, looking down.
“I know, but it’ll be nice to spend time with you. As long as we don’t fight.”
I smiled, moving forward and hugging him. It felt like everything had righted itself in the universe, at least somewhat. Just hours ago, I hadn’t even been in the universe. This was a definite improvement.
And now we just had to wait.
It took me three days to get up the courage to face Eric. I decided I would have to do it in person, because over the phone it would be too easy for me to hang up on him.
I walked onto the University of Toronto campus and headed towards the small bookstore where he worked. He was at the desk, looking down boredly at something. No one else was in the small store I noticed. He looked up and his eyes tripled in size when he saw me. He stood up, rushing around to the other side of the desk. Then he leaned against it unsurely, not knowing whether it was safe to approach me. “Hi…”
“Hey.” I whispered, looking down.
“Aiden… you look good.” He said, coming forward.
“You look tired.” I said, looking up and into his eyes. They had dark circles underneath them.
“Well, I haven’t been sleeping much since…. It.” He sighed.
“We have to talk now. I can’t put it off anymore.”
He pulled out a chair from behind the desk for me, and sat down where he had been. “Okay. Let’s talk.”
I sent a glance towards the door, and then looked back at him. “I’m hurt.”
Eric closed his gray eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry… It was such a stupid thing I did. There’s nothing I can ever do to make it right… I’m just so sorry.”
I sighed and watched him open his eyes. He looked at me, biting his lip.
“I don’t want this to ruin us and what we have.” He whispered, looking down. “I think what we have is special.”
“I feel like God is giving us signs and we’re ignoring them… look at all of this shit that’s happened to us. What id God is telling us we’re all wrong for each other?” I said, looking past him and out the window behind him.
“What if he’s testing us to see if we can stay together through it all?” Eric challenged.
“I don’t know.” I massaged my forehead and leaned back into the chair. “I don’t know anything anymore, actually. I’m waiting for some epiphany to happen. I’m waiting for anything to happen… anything good, that is. But everyone just throws shit at me.”
“What do you want me to say? What can I do to make you feel better?” he leaned over the desk, eyes level with mine.
“I want to feel like I did when I was fourteen years old and I had just met you.” My eyes were narrowed at him.
“How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to make you feel like you did six years ago?”
“I don’t know.” I muttered, glaring. “Maybe we just changed.”
“I’m so sick of hearing that I’ve ‘changed’, Aiden. You’ve changed too. It is not just me! Ever since you got the goddamn pneumonia and anorexia, things changed for EVERYONE. You’re the one griping! Why can’t you accept how your life is playing out? I have. I’ve accepted that y-you’re sick and that my parents hate me. Your dads have accepted the fact that Gerard’s family disowned him. Frank’s accepted that Bella doesn’t visit anymore. Why can’t you accept that I’m not the same person I was six years ago? Maybe if you would quit dwelling on the past, we could make a fucking future! GODDAMNIT AIDEN. If you’re that fucking unhappy with me, CALL IT OFF and let me MOVE ON.”
“But I still love you!” I felt angry tears in my eyes. Maybe he was right; maybe I should accept my life as it was. But I wanted the passion back. I wanted to be as happy as I was as a teenager. This was not what I wanted out of life. Who wanted their life to be miserable? “I don’t want to leave you, I just want you to—.”
“You want me to change?” Eric shook his head in disgust.
I felt guilty after saying it. He cheated on me, yet somehow I ended up feeling guilty? It wasn’t fair. “Don’t turn this around on me being the bad person, Eric.”
“I’m working, you need to just go.” Eric stood.
“No! No, I won’t go! Not until we get this shit out!”
“YOU HAD FUCKING MONTHS TO SORT IT OUT! SORT IT OUT ON YOUR OWN NOW BECAUSE I’M SURE AS HELL NOT CHANGING FOR YOU ANY FUCKING MORE!”
I stood up and ran out, slamming the door behind me. I then turned around and ran back in. “Fuck you! You’re the most narcissistic bitch that I’ve ever met! You go around, whining because your parents don’t love you! You think because you had a hard childhood that I should fucking bow down to you and accept everything you do badly. That I should have no problemwith anything you do to me because you had it bad as a kid. I didn’t have it that fucking well either! I’ve never had it easy. Fuck my p-parent’s money. Money makes you more fucking miserable when you’ve got fucking—.” I was crying too hard to speak now. I could barely breathe.
Eric rushed over, wrapping his arms around me. “Shh, honey… shh… calm down.”
I stood limply in his arms, my own arms lying at my side. “I’m sorry I’m a bad husband.” I sobbed.
“You aren’t at all… thank you for yelling at me.” He whispered, brushing down my hair.
I finally moved my arms to wrap around his waist, hugging him. “I still love you.” I looked up, pressing my nose against his. “I still care for you and for us… I still want to be with you.”
“Oh, honey… I want to be with you too.” He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine.
We shared a long kiss and I tried to pretend everything was okay, and that he hadn’t had sex with my best friend. It worked.
When we pulled away, I smiled slightly and sniffled. “It’s okay… right?”
He nodded, kissing me again quickly.
“You have a really bad job if you just sit here alone all day.” I snorted, pulling out of his arms and looking around the small building. We were still deserted.
“Yeah, I know… no one ever comes in. Who needs books during the school year?” he smiled.
I sniffled a few more times, resting my head on his shoulder.
“I’m going to call my boss…. I want to take you home.” Eric whispered, and then headed over to the desk.
“No… no, I’ll leave if you have to work… or I’ll just sit here and watch you. I don’t want to go. I know I’m supposed to be mad at you but…” I trailed off.
“I just want to be with you at home, not here at work.” He picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Hey, Marie… yeah, no. Is it possible that I can go home? My husband is here and… oh, thank you. No, I can’ wait for you to get here, that’s fine… Thanks.” He hung up and smiled shyly at me. “She’ll be over in about 20 minutes.”
“You didn’t have to do that.” I whispered, looking down.
“I know, but it’ll be nice to spend time with you. As long as we don’t fight.”
I smiled, moving forward and hugging him. It felt like everything had righted itself in the universe, at least somewhat. Just hours ago, I hadn’t even been in the universe. This was a definite improvement.
And now we just had to wait.