‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Five
Eric’s POV
“I don’t see why you never go out.” James said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. His jet black hair stood out at odd angles and it was obvious he hadn’t showered this morning.
Wonder what girl he stayed with last night, I thought. I just shrugged. “I don’t go out too much. I mean, with Aiden I do but he’s not here.”
“Exactly. He’s not here. He’s probably partying and you, my dear friend, are sitting at home and watching Lifetime movies.” James raised his eyebrow at me knowingly.
“I just don’t like doing that stuff. I mean… getting drunk and high? Big fucking deal. I like to read and lay around and pig out in front of the tv…” I shrugged.
“Eric, Eric, Eric.” James sighed, shaking his head. “Just go out with us. Once. Tonight. And if you don’t like it, we’ll never ask you again. A few hours of your time. Maybe one missed phone call…”
I bit my lip and shook my head. “Thanks, but…”
“Eric, you’re 18 years old and I bet you’ve never been drunk.”
“I have been. I just don’t handle it too well. Drinking isn’t for me.” I continued to shake my head. “It just… isn’t a good idea, James. Maybe next time… but thanks anyway.”
James nodded. “Alright. Maybe next time, man.”
“Yeah. Bye. Have fun.” I said, sighing inwardly. I knew I should get out and do normal things, but I liked watching Lifetime movies and eating popcorn.
James walked off and I headed towards my car, throwing my bag into the back and getting out my phone. No texts from Aiden, he must be in class still.
I drove home to an empty house and walked into the place, sitting on the couch. I held my phone in my hands, glancing down at it.
All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with sadness over Aiden. I made my way up to our room and lay on his side of the bed, pressing the side of my face to his pillow. It was cool on my skin and relaxed me. My phone was still clutched tightly in my hand and I felt warm tears sliding down my cheeks.
I hated being so alone. I really fucking hated it.
It had to have been an hour at least that I lay, crying, until I fell asleep. I woke up to my phone ringing and without opening my eyes, I answered it. “Hello?”
“Hey, Eric.” I heard Aiden’s voice say.
“Hey.” I said, not bothering trying to sound cheerful.
“What’s wrong?” he immediately asked.
“I’m alone. That’s what’s wrong, Aiden. I’m all alone and I feel depressed and you aren’t here to make it better.”
The only reason I was saying these things to him was because I had just woken up and wasn’t thinking right. But it was true.
There was silence for a while, and then Aiden spoke softly. “I miss you so much… and I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“Everyone was right. It was a mistake to come here… We’ve been though this.”
“Aiden, I want you here.” I began to cry loudly over the phone. “I’m sick of talking to you over the phone! I’m sick of not going places because I don’t want to miss your goddamn calls!”
“I’m sorry!” Aiden snapped.
I began to cry harder.
“Eric, no… don’t do that. No, Eric.” He cooed.
I began to calm down and wiped my teary eyes. “It isn’t fair, Aiden… It isn’t fair. And I’m done talking now because it just makes me feel worse.”
I hung up my phone and turned it off, then cried myself back to sleep…
Aiden’s POV
I was sitting in one of the libraries of my school but I couldn’t focus on my homework. I kept glancing around, looking at everyone else.
I didn’t fit in here.
Everyone here was most certainly, foremost, not gay. They wore nice perfect clothes that their rich daddies—without a doubt—bought them. Maybe I did fit in there, as my dad’s always bought me everything and were rich for obvious reasons.
But what got me most was how skinny and toned these guys were. When I first met Eric I’d been that skinny, that toned. Because back then I still played football—not on a team, but for fun.
I looked in a mirror now and saw baggy eyes and fat cheeks. Not even chubby, I saw fat. I had fat on my arms, fat on my legs, fat on my stomach. I didn’t even want to think about where else I was going to get fat.
These guys, though… were what I used to be.
I began wondering what would have happened if when I was 11, I hadn’t stood up for Bella.
Would I have turned into one of those gay guys who lies to themselves all of their lives? Would I be in college playing football, married to some stupid cheerleader?
Most likely, yeah. If I hadn’t gotten smart, I would be skinny and married to a girl by now.
Thinking of marriage to a girl made me feel sad. I twisted my wedding ring on my finger, picturing Eric clear in my mind. I had never loved anyone more than him, not even my own parents. Being away from him was slowly killing me. I needed Eric, he needed me… we needed each other, but I had ruined it by coming here.
I glanced down at my Calculus 2 book and decided I couldn’t handle homework now.
“Fuck this.” I muttered, standing. I gathered all of my things and left, walking back to my apartment. Luckily it was within walking distance of our school because driving in New York was absolute hell.
As I walked back home, I thought about Eric the entire time. I thought about him a lot lately. If I weren’t married to him, it would have been creepy.
When I finally arrived at the apartment I pushed the door open and headed to my room without a word to Katie. I sat on my bed, eating a candy bar and staring out the window at all of the sky scrapers.
If it weren’t for Eric being gone, would you like it here?
I’d asked myself that a lot lately. Am I just doing this because I miss Eric?
I crossed my room to the window and pushed it open, hearing the loud chatter of people and horns honking in the traffic below. New York was amazing, it really was. But it wasn’t the type of place I wanted to live… it was too busy for me. Hell, two years ago I’d fought with Dad about him making me have a ‘big life’ with his career. So of course I move to the busiest and biggest place of all, right?
No, I wouldn’t want to be here even if Eric were with me. Which made it all the more terrible.
I wouldn’t be stuck like this forever, though. Soon I could go home. To my family. To Eric.
Eric’s POV
“Eric, you came!” James said happily, throwing an arm around me. “Jeff, Chad, this is Eric. Eric, the blond one is Jeff and the redhead is Chad.” He then added, in a quiet voice, “Don’t drink or smoke anything they give you.”
Let me tell you that is not the best first thing to say to me on my first night out. I had originally been very nervous. Now I was so nervous I began to shake slightly. Groups and I didn’t mix well.
I became more relaxed when I noticed it would just be us four, though. This was James and Chad’s apartment, Jeff was Chad’s friend. Jeff and Chad apparently sold drugs laced with other drugs. That wasn’t too comforting, but they were nice enough.
James handed me a cup of Coke and Rum… I didn’t even need to ask, I just knew there was Rum in it. I sat down and sipped my drink, feeling more relaxed with every sip.
“Oh my God, you’re the gay one!” Chad suddenly and drunkenly gasped after I’d been there about two hours.
“Yeah.” I said, not knowing what else to say.
“So you… like… you’re married to a dude?” Jeff asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“And do you fuck a lot?”
If I hadn’t had a buzz, I would have gone bright red. Instead I nodded eagerly. “Yep.”
“Does it hurt?”
“When he wants it too.”
They all laughed and ‘Woohoo!’ed, and I was too drunk to realize how immature that was.
“But no, seriously. That’s cool.” Chad nodded. “It’d be interesting to fuck someone in the ass who didn’t have breasts. I wouldn’t like getting fucked in the ass.”
“Would remind you of that night in prison, eh?” Jeff snorted.
“What night?” Chad asked dumbly, downing another cup of beer.
“I dunno!” Jeff giggled.
I glanced at James, who was shaking his head.
“It amazes me how people can’t handle their beer.” James said in mock shame. He then stood and stumbled, tripping over Jeff.
“It amazed me how people can’t handle their beer.” Chad and I said together, laughing.
“Ugh, what time is it?” Jeff asked, pushing a giggling James off of him.
“2 in the A.M.” Chad yelled loudly.
“2 AM?” I gasped. I’d come at ten and had told Aiden I’d call him when I’d left.
“Yeah.” James nodded. “Wow. I have to be at work at 7.”
“I better go then.” I stood, feeling slightly dizzy. It wasn’t like I drank too much, but I wasn’t exactly sober either and I didn’t have a high alcohol tolerance.
“Yeah. See ya, Eric.” James headed up to his room and I left quickly, grabbing my phone. Aiden had called seven times. Shit.
I texted him, knowing it wouldn’t wake him if he was asleep.
Two minutes later my phone rang. I answered it. “Hello?”
“Eric, what the fuck! You never called back, I was so worried!” he exclaimed.
“I know, Aiden. I—.”
“Why didn’t you call back? Because you’re mad at me for leaving?”
“No! Goddamnit, I lost track of time! Believe it or not, my life goes on when I’m not around you!” I heard myself shout.
Shut up, Eric. Just shut up.
“Find. Well fuck me for caring.” Aiden hung up.
“Ugh.” I hung up as well and collapsed on my bed, falling into a deep sleep...
Aiden’s POV
I knew Eric was drunk. I could hear it in his voice. His words were slurred and he never talked like that unless he was drunk.
Drunk.
My Eric, who always swore against drugs and drinking, had gone out to get drunk.
I should have known this would happen. Part of me wanted to call him and yell at him some more but I didn’t. I wondered what else had changed. He was drinking now… hanging out with friends… what else? Hell, I would go back and he’d probably have piercings and tattoos. Maybe join a band or two.
I sighed and went downstairs, peeling an orange. My stomach didn’t want me to eat, but I forced myself to eat the whole thing.
When I finished my orange, I laid down in bed and tried not to think about all of the depressing shit in my life.
I eventually fell asleep, my dreams filled with me going back to Canada and Eric leaving me for some new emo guy who was stick thin with all of these random piercings and tattoos.
I woke up abruptly the next morning, feeling like I’d gotten no sleep at all. Luckily it was Saturday and I didn’t have any classes today, so I could lay around all day. I did exactly that, watching the small television in my room and wondering what Eric was doing right now. He was probably puking, with one hell of a hang over. Well, it served him right for going out and getting drunk.
I sighed, frustrated at myself for letting this happen…
“I don’t see why you never go out.” James said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. His jet black hair stood out at odd angles and it was obvious he hadn’t showered this morning.
Wonder what girl he stayed with last night, I thought. I just shrugged. “I don’t go out too much. I mean, with Aiden I do but he’s not here.”
“Exactly. He’s not here. He’s probably partying and you, my dear friend, are sitting at home and watching Lifetime movies.” James raised his eyebrow at me knowingly.
“I just don’t like doing that stuff. I mean… getting drunk and high? Big fucking deal. I like to read and lay around and pig out in front of the tv…” I shrugged.
“Eric, Eric, Eric.” James sighed, shaking his head. “Just go out with us. Once. Tonight. And if you don’t like it, we’ll never ask you again. A few hours of your time. Maybe one missed phone call…”
I bit my lip and shook my head. “Thanks, but…”
“Eric, you’re 18 years old and I bet you’ve never been drunk.”
“I have been. I just don’t handle it too well. Drinking isn’t for me.” I continued to shake my head. “It just… isn’t a good idea, James. Maybe next time… but thanks anyway.”
James nodded. “Alright. Maybe next time, man.”
“Yeah. Bye. Have fun.” I said, sighing inwardly. I knew I should get out and do normal things, but I liked watching Lifetime movies and eating popcorn.
James walked off and I headed towards my car, throwing my bag into the back and getting out my phone. No texts from Aiden, he must be in class still.
I drove home to an empty house and walked into the place, sitting on the couch. I held my phone in my hands, glancing down at it.
All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with sadness over Aiden. I made my way up to our room and lay on his side of the bed, pressing the side of my face to his pillow. It was cool on my skin and relaxed me. My phone was still clutched tightly in my hand and I felt warm tears sliding down my cheeks.
I hated being so alone. I really fucking hated it.
It had to have been an hour at least that I lay, crying, until I fell asleep. I woke up to my phone ringing and without opening my eyes, I answered it. “Hello?”
“Hey, Eric.” I heard Aiden’s voice say.
“Hey.” I said, not bothering trying to sound cheerful.
“What’s wrong?” he immediately asked.
“I’m alone. That’s what’s wrong, Aiden. I’m all alone and I feel depressed and you aren’t here to make it better.”
The only reason I was saying these things to him was because I had just woken up and wasn’t thinking right. But it was true.
There was silence for a while, and then Aiden spoke softly. “I miss you so much… and I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“Everyone was right. It was a mistake to come here… We’ve been though this.”
“Aiden, I want you here.” I began to cry loudly over the phone. “I’m sick of talking to you over the phone! I’m sick of not going places because I don’t want to miss your goddamn calls!”
“I’m sorry!” Aiden snapped.
I began to cry harder.
“Eric, no… don’t do that. No, Eric.” He cooed.
I began to calm down and wiped my teary eyes. “It isn’t fair, Aiden… It isn’t fair. And I’m done talking now because it just makes me feel worse.”
I hung up my phone and turned it off, then cried myself back to sleep…
Aiden’s POV
I was sitting in one of the libraries of my school but I couldn’t focus on my homework. I kept glancing around, looking at everyone else.
I didn’t fit in here.
Everyone here was most certainly, foremost, not gay. They wore nice perfect clothes that their rich daddies—without a doubt—bought them. Maybe I did fit in there, as my dad’s always bought me everything and were rich for obvious reasons.
But what got me most was how skinny and toned these guys were. When I first met Eric I’d been that skinny, that toned. Because back then I still played football—not on a team, but for fun.
I looked in a mirror now and saw baggy eyes and fat cheeks. Not even chubby, I saw fat. I had fat on my arms, fat on my legs, fat on my stomach. I didn’t even want to think about where else I was going to get fat.
These guys, though… were what I used to be.
I began wondering what would have happened if when I was 11, I hadn’t stood up for Bella.
Would I have turned into one of those gay guys who lies to themselves all of their lives? Would I be in college playing football, married to some stupid cheerleader?
Most likely, yeah. If I hadn’t gotten smart, I would be skinny and married to a girl by now.
Thinking of marriage to a girl made me feel sad. I twisted my wedding ring on my finger, picturing Eric clear in my mind. I had never loved anyone more than him, not even my own parents. Being away from him was slowly killing me. I needed Eric, he needed me… we needed each other, but I had ruined it by coming here.
I glanced down at my Calculus 2 book and decided I couldn’t handle homework now.
“Fuck this.” I muttered, standing. I gathered all of my things and left, walking back to my apartment. Luckily it was within walking distance of our school because driving in New York was absolute hell.
As I walked back home, I thought about Eric the entire time. I thought about him a lot lately. If I weren’t married to him, it would have been creepy.
When I finally arrived at the apartment I pushed the door open and headed to my room without a word to Katie. I sat on my bed, eating a candy bar and staring out the window at all of the sky scrapers.
If it weren’t for Eric being gone, would you like it here?
I’d asked myself that a lot lately. Am I just doing this because I miss Eric?
I crossed my room to the window and pushed it open, hearing the loud chatter of people and horns honking in the traffic below. New York was amazing, it really was. But it wasn’t the type of place I wanted to live… it was too busy for me. Hell, two years ago I’d fought with Dad about him making me have a ‘big life’ with his career. So of course I move to the busiest and biggest place of all, right?
No, I wouldn’t want to be here even if Eric were with me. Which made it all the more terrible.
I wouldn’t be stuck like this forever, though. Soon I could go home. To my family. To Eric.
Eric’s POV
“Eric, you came!” James said happily, throwing an arm around me. “Jeff, Chad, this is Eric. Eric, the blond one is Jeff and the redhead is Chad.” He then added, in a quiet voice, “Don’t drink or smoke anything they give you.”
Let me tell you that is not the best first thing to say to me on my first night out. I had originally been very nervous. Now I was so nervous I began to shake slightly. Groups and I didn’t mix well.
I became more relaxed when I noticed it would just be us four, though. This was James and Chad’s apartment, Jeff was Chad’s friend. Jeff and Chad apparently sold drugs laced with other drugs. That wasn’t too comforting, but they were nice enough.
James handed me a cup of Coke and Rum… I didn’t even need to ask, I just knew there was Rum in it. I sat down and sipped my drink, feeling more relaxed with every sip.
“Oh my God, you’re the gay one!” Chad suddenly and drunkenly gasped after I’d been there about two hours.
“Yeah.” I said, not knowing what else to say.
“So you… like… you’re married to a dude?” Jeff asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“And do you fuck a lot?”
If I hadn’t had a buzz, I would have gone bright red. Instead I nodded eagerly. “Yep.”
“Does it hurt?”
“When he wants it too.”
They all laughed and ‘Woohoo!’ed, and I was too drunk to realize how immature that was.
“But no, seriously. That’s cool.” Chad nodded. “It’d be interesting to fuck someone in the ass who didn’t have breasts. I wouldn’t like getting fucked in the ass.”
“Would remind you of that night in prison, eh?” Jeff snorted.
“What night?” Chad asked dumbly, downing another cup of beer.
“I dunno!” Jeff giggled.
I glanced at James, who was shaking his head.
“It amazes me how people can’t handle their beer.” James said in mock shame. He then stood and stumbled, tripping over Jeff.
“It amazed me how people can’t handle their beer.” Chad and I said together, laughing.
“Ugh, what time is it?” Jeff asked, pushing a giggling James off of him.
“2 in the A.M.” Chad yelled loudly.
“2 AM?” I gasped. I’d come at ten and had told Aiden I’d call him when I’d left.
“Yeah.” James nodded. “Wow. I have to be at work at 7.”
“I better go then.” I stood, feeling slightly dizzy. It wasn’t like I drank too much, but I wasn’t exactly sober either and I didn’t have a high alcohol tolerance.
“Yeah. See ya, Eric.” James headed up to his room and I left quickly, grabbing my phone. Aiden had called seven times. Shit.
I texted him, knowing it wouldn’t wake him if he was asleep.
Two minutes later my phone rang. I answered it. “Hello?”
“Eric, what the fuck! You never called back, I was so worried!” he exclaimed.
“I know, Aiden. I—.”
“Why didn’t you call back? Because you’re mad at me for leaving?”
“No! Goddamnit, I lost track of time! Believe it or not, my life goes on when I’m not around you!” I heard myself shout.
Shut up, Eric. Just shut up.
“Find. Well fuck me for caring.” Aiden hung up.
“Ugh.” I hung up as well and collapsed on my bed, falling into a deep sleep...
Aiden’s POV
I knew Eric was drunk. I could hear it in his voice. His words were slurred and he never talked like that unless he was drunk.
Drunk.
My Eric, who always swore against drugs and drinking, had gone out to get drunk.
I should have known this would happen. Part of me wanted to call him and yell at him some more but I didn’t. I wondered what else had changed. He was drinking now… hanging out with friends… what else? Hell, I would go back and he’d probably have piercings and tattoos. Maybe join a band or two.
I sighed and went downstairs, peeling an orange. My stomach didn’t want me to eat, but I forced myself to eat the whole thing.
When I finished my orange, I laid down in bed and tried not to think about all of the depressing shit in my life.
I eventually fell asleep, my dreams filled with me going back to Canada and Eric leaving me for some new emo guy who was stick thin with all of these random piercings and tattoos.
I woke up abruptly the next morning, feeling like I’d gotten no sleep at all. Luckily it was Saturday and I didn’t have any classes today, so I could lay around all day. I did exactly that, watching the small television in my room and wondering what Eric was doing right now. He was probably puking, with one hell of a hang over. Well, it served him right for going out and getting drunk.
I sighed, frustrated at myself for letting this happen…