‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Nine
Eric’s POV
Aiden had left earlier today, leaving me with a eerie feeling. I knew something wasn’t right with him, I just didn’t know what.
As soon as he left I felt like crying. It was like him leaving all over again, only worse because now I was ten times as worried as I had been in August.
I climbed the stairs to our room and collapsed on the bed. I picked up Aiden’s pillow, breathing his scent in. Still hugging the pillow, I reached over and grabbed the picture Aiden had taken of the two of us before we had made love for the first time.
I bit my lip, feeling the tears fill my eyes. I traced his face through the glass, shaking.
“He’s sick again…” I whispered, looking into his bright blue eyes. “He… he’s sick again.”
Why hadn’t I stopped him from leaving? I mentally hit myself.
He isn’t sick. You asked and he said no.
Of course he said no. He’s afraid… and chances are, to him he isn’t sick.
But it’s not your fault.
It’s my fault I’m not doing anything.
What can you do?
What can I do?
Maybe he isn’t sick with anorexia, I thought to myself. Maybe he really just has been feeling ill for a few weeks. That makes everyone look thinner. I’m probably just freaking out because of his anorexia back in high school.
Those alarms came back on in the back of my head but I pushed them aside, wiping my eyes and setting the framed picture back on our nightstand.
Aiden was naturally a messy person. Any time he was in this room, it magically ended up messy. This visit had been no exception. I stood, beginning to clean and put stuff back where they belonged.
This room held so many memories for us. Hugs, kisses, tears, sex, and fights… everything.
This room, more than that though, was Aiden’s. He’d been in this room since he was twelve years old I think. He grew into the person I love today within these walls. I didn’t like to change this room much, solely for that reason. It was his room. It had been since he was a boy.
I sat on the bed again after cleaning the room. The end table had three pictures of Aiden and I on it. One when we were 15, with him kissing my cheek and both of us looking at the camera. Then there was one from our wedding when we’d kissed, and then the picture of us before we made love that he’d taken. Us in a nutshell, I guess.
“I miss you.” I whispered, feeling several tears fall. “Please… please be okay.”
Aiden’s POV
Three Days Later…
I sat once again in the library, my Biology book open on my lap. This time I was in one of the chairs, because I was reading Chapter 45 on Sex. This time last year I would have made some snide comment, but now all I can do is sigh and hope I retain enough of this to understand tomorrows discussion.
It doesn’t look too good.
This kid Fred keeps coughing. This girl Heidi is quite noisily making out with her girlfriend Crissy. The librarians keep laughing their asses off about something on the computer and the Latin professors all appear to be drunk as they are in the corner at a table, passing a brown paper bag around and slurring loud latin phrases.
Some guy walked past me and I watched him pass. He was thin—very thin. He had dark hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. But that didn’t matter. All I could see was how perfect this guy was. How thin he was. Yet as he walked by, he was stuffing his face with a Milky Way.
It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I stuff myself and look gorgeous like that? How can Eric have sex with me? I’m fucking hideous.
Arousal is caused by… I read, then looked up. Arousal most definitely was not caused by my fat fucking face and/or body.
I slammed the book shut and sat back, just looking at everyone. If anyone noticed and found it weird, they didn’t say anything. My stomach ached and I hated it. It constantly hurt now, no matter where I went or what I was doing. If I ate a tiny bit, it made it worse. I’d even eat a lot and it still made it worse. Worse than worse, actually.
I’m never going to get this damn chapter read. At least not here, with my being distracted any time someone smaller than me walks by. I put everything in my bag and left the library, pulling out my cell phone. There was only a text from Eric, telling me he missed and loved me. I smiled, typing back that I loved him and missed him more.
“You’re home.” Katie smiled when I came in. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I said, forcing a smile.
“I’m making spaghetti so, don’t leave.” She said.
My face fell. Here she was, already harping on at me about food. Could she not leave me alone about it? Now everything she said to me was about food or the importance of a well balanced diet.
“I don’t really feel too well.” I said, and it wasn’t a lie. Exactly.
“Aiden… I’ve tried a million times over the last few weeks… maybe even months… to get you to eat.” Katie said, frowning. “If you don’t eat… I’m calling your parents. You’re going to hurt youself like when you were younger and I’m not having that on my conscience. I’ve wanted to call Frank and Gerard for a while now, but I thought it was just stress… But you’ve lost weight. You can’t live like this… you won’t live like this. You’ll die. Do you want to die, Aiden?”
“Oh, blow it into something like death. Do I look like I’m anywhere near dying?”
“Yes.” She said, her face serious. “You’re paler than death, I can see your ribs practically, and your eyes are dead. You don’t sleep, I hear you up… I think you’re unintentionally killing yourself.”
“Well fuck you. Fuck you and your goddamn fucking spaghetti. I’ll eat the damn food if you’ll get off of my fucking case.” I sneered, throwing my bag down. “I hate this fucking place.”
“Could you use the word ‘fuck’ one more time, maybe?” Katie snapped.
“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!” I screamed.
“Real mature, Aiden. You heard what I said about calling your parents… I just hope you’re smart enough to listen.”
And with that, Katie walked back into the kitchen to finish her spaghetti, which I could already smell. I felt bad for yelling at Katie. Deep down, I knew she was worried and only trying to help. I was trying to tell myself there was no need to help, but as I looked in a mirror on the wall I began to see what exactly she was talking about. I was looking pretty damn awful.
I sighed softy, breathing in the scent of spaghetti. It smelled good, very good. I had always liked spaghetti, though Dad being vegetarian never made it. I had to buy fast food for food with meat, or make it myself. Though I could cook, that didn’t mean I had wanted to.
“Are you going to eat?” Katie poked her head in.
I glared and came into the kitchen, making a plate. We ate in silence, the only sounds were our forks colliding noisily with the plates…
Aiden had left earlier today, leaving me with a eerie feeling. I knew something wasn’t right with him, I just didn’t know what.
As soon as he left I felt like crying. It was like him leaving all over again, only worse because now I was ten times as worried as I had been in August.
I climbed the stairs to our room and collapsed on the bed. I picked up Aiden’s pillow, breathing his scent in. Still hugging the pillow, I reached over and grabbed the picture Aiden had taken of the two of us before we had made love for the first time.
I bit my lip, feeling the tears fill my eyes. I traced his face through the glass, shaking.
“He’s sick again…” I whispered, looking into his bright blue eyes. “He… he’s sick again.”
Why hadn’t I stopped him from leaving? I mentally hit myself.
He isn’t sick. You asked and he said no.
Of course he said no. He’s afraid… and chances are, to him he isn’t sick.
But it’s not your fault.
It’s my fault I’m not doing anything.
What can you do?
What can I do?
Maybe he isn’t sick with anorexia, I thought to myself. Maybe he really just has been feeling ill for a few weeks. That makes everyone look thinner. I’m probably just freaking out because of his anorexia back in high school.
Those alarms came back on in the back of my head but I pushed them aside, wiping my eyes and setting the framed picture back on our nightstand.
Aiden was naturally a messy person. Any time he was in this room, it magically ended up messy. This visit had been no exception. I stood, beginning to clean and put stuff back where they belonged.
This room held so many memories for us. Hugs, kisses, tears, sex, and fights… everything.
This room, more than that though, was Aiden’s. He’d been in this room since he was twelve years old I think. He grew into the person I love today within these walls. I didn’t like to change this room much, solely for that reason. It was his room. It had been since he was a boy.
I sat on the bed again after cleaning the room. The end table had three pictures of Aiden and I on it. One when we were 15, with him kissing my cheek and both of us looking at the camera. Then there was one from our wedding when we’d kissed, and then the picture of us before we made love that he’d taken. Us in a nutshell, I guess.
“I miss you.” I whispered, feeling several tears fall. “Please… please be okay.”
Aiden’s POV
Three Days Later…
I sat once again in the library, my Biology book open on my lap. This time I was in one of the chairs, because I was reading Chapter 45 on Sex. This time last year I would have made some snide comment, but now all I can do is sigh and hope I retain enough of this to understand tomorrows discussion.
It doesn’t look too good.
This kid Fred keeps coughing. This girl Heidi is quite noisily making out with her girlfriend Crissy. The librarians keep laughing their asses off about something on the computer and the Latin professors all appear to be drunk as they are in the corner at a table, passing a brown paper bag around and slurring loud latin phrases.
Some guy walked past me and I watched him pass. He was thin—very thin. He had dark hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. But that didn’t matter. All I could see was how perfect this guy was. How thin he was. Yet as he walked by, he was stuffing his face with a Milky Way.
It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I stuff myself and look gorgeous like that? How can Eric have sex with me? I’m fucking hideous.
Arousal is caused by… I read, then looked up. Arousal most definitely was not caused by my fat fucking face and/or body.
I slammed the book shut and sat back, just looking at everyone. If anyone noticed and found it weird, they didn’t say anything. My stomach ached and I hated it. It constantly hurt now, no matter where I went or what I was doing. If I ate a tiny bit, it made it worse. I’d even eat a lot and it still made it worse. Worse than worse, actually.
I’m never going to get this damn chapter read. At least not here, with my being distracted any time someone smaller than me walks by. I put everything in my bag and left the library, pulling out my cell phone. There was only a text from Eric, telling me he missed and loved me. I smiled, typing back that I loved him and missed him more.
“You’re home.” Katie smiled when I came in. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I said, forcing a smile.
“I’m making spaghetti so, don’t leave.” She said.
My face fell. Here she was, already harping on at me about food. Could she not leave me alone about it? Now everything she said to me was about food or the importance of a well balanced diet.
“I don’t really feel too well.” I said, and it wasn’t a lie. Exactly.
“Aiden… I’ve tried a million times over the last few weeks… maybe even months… to get you to eat.” Katie said, frowning. “If you don’t eat… I’m calling your parents. You’re going to hurt youself like when you were younger and I’m not having that on my conscience. I’ve wanted to call Frank and Gerard for a while now, but I thought it was just stress… But you’ve lost weight. You can’t live like this… you won’t live like this. You’ll die. Do you want to die, Aiden?”
“Oh, blow it into something like death. Do I look like I’m anywhere near dying?”
“Yes.” She said, her face serious. “You’re paler than death, I can see your ribs practically, and your eyes are dead. You don’t sleep, I hear you up… I think you’re unintentionally killing yourself.”
“Well fuck you. Fuck you and your goddamn fucking spaghetti. I’ll eat the damn food if you’ll get off of my fucking case.” I sneered, throwing my bag down. “I hate this fucking place.”
“Could you use the word ‘fuck’ one more time, maybe?” Katie snapped.
“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!” I screamed.
“Real mature, Aiden. You heard what I said about calling your parents… I just hope you’re smart enough to listen.”
And with that, Katie walked back into the kitchen to finish her spaghetti, which I could already smell. I felt bad for yelling at Katie. Deep down, I knew she was worried and only trying to help. I was trying to tell myself there was no need to help, but as I looked in a mirror on the wall I began to see what exactly she was talking about. I was looking pretty damn awful.
I sighed softy, breathing in the scent of spaghetti. It smelled good, very good. I had always liked spaghetti, though Dad being vegetarian never made it. I had to buy fast food for food with meat, or make it myself. Though I could cook, that didn’t mean I had wanted to.
“Are you going to eat?” Katie poked her head in.
I glared and came into the kitchen, making a plate. We ate in silence, the only sounds were our forks colliding noisily with the plates…