Jukebox Lovers

It's ten at night and I am completely exhausted. I can hardly hear myself think because I'm so tired. I was lying in my bed, eyes shut, waiting for sleep to come to me. Brendan was on the laptop, trying to be quiet so I could rest. It was difficult, because he still hit the keys rather hard, but I was so tired I was going to fall asleep eventually, anyway.

Ring, ring!

Brendan quickly picked up the phone and sighed, "It's your mom."

I stood up and reluctantly took the phone from him, speaking groggily into the speaker, "It's ten. What do you want, ma?"

"Adrian, is that any way to speak to your mother? I was just calling to say hello. How is college life?"

"Good," I said, something evident in my voice.

"Oh and Mandy stopped by. She said she couldn't make it all the way up there so she left your birthday present with me. When you come home you can open it. She also apologized for not calling you, but she forgot your number."

"Alright. I'll call her and thank her. Was that all, ma?"

She sighed, "Are you that desperate to get me off the phone?"

"I'm that desperate to sleep."

She sighed again, "Alright. Goodnight. I love you, sweetheart."

"Goodnight."

I hung up and made my way to my bed. So much for Mandy's big news. It was just some stupid birthday gift.

"Good morning, sunshine," Brendan bellowed at me, waking me up to go to our dreaded Psychology class. I rolled out of bed and made my way over to the dresser, grabbing black drainpipes, a studded belt, and a black and violet band shirt before going to the bathroom for my shower and morning rituals.

I was in the shower when Brendan came in to do his hair and whatever else straight guys do. He asked me loads of questions about wanting to skip and go to town, really hoping for someone to skip with.

"I'm sorry, but I already skipped once. I gotta go to class," I said. It was a good excuse, but really, I just needed to confirm this Larson person was not my Jacqui Larson.

"Alright," he said.

"Well you can ask Annemarie."

"Eh, I would, but to be frank, she scares me a bit. Last night was a nightmare."

I laughed. A lot of times, going out with Annemarie was a nightmare, especially for a first-timer. She tended to yell at people she didn't know, hook people up with people she didn't know enough about for it to be safe, and sometimes even drink so much you'd have to carry her home.

I turned off the water in the shower and waited for the door to shut before I got out.

I sat in Professor Koalchek's class, waiting for my desk partner to sit down. I found myself tapping my foot out of pure anxiety. It was a stupid thing to get worked up about, but I couldn't help myself. My hand started tapping along with my foot. I stared down the clock. Please be here, please be here...

There was still four more minutes until people even started getting into class. Brendan was sitting in his seat, looking gloomy since Kaylynn had turned him down for what must be the seventh time in the past week.

Melvin was talking more quickly and with bigger words than I've ever heard him talk before, trying to impress an equally geeky girl. She stared at him in awe as he shared his incredible intellect with her and I shook my head. It was ridiculous. If someone like that could get someone to fall in love with them, what the hell was wrong with me? Maybe I'm too shallow.

Professor Koalchek walked into the classroom, discussing things with one of Kaylynn's blonde friends. I raised my hand, intent on asking him the name of the Larson that sat next to me, but he was too busy talking to her about something. I slowly brought my hand back down and began tapping it against the table again.

People began piling in and I felt myself sweat. My eyes darted around, looking for the person that sat next to me.

Everyone was in their seats, and the bell went off.

No Larson.

Professor Koalchek took attendance, marking off this "Larson" person. I groaned lowly and put my head down, my anxiety no less than before the bell.

"Today, we're going to discuss something more complex than anything we've discussed thus far. Self hatred. It is common, especially among teenagers, but not limited to teens. Eating disorders, suicidal behavior, substance abuse, self mutilation...all of these things can be associated with self--"

The door opened.

I gasped and a few people looked at me and I didn't care.

It could not be. He had the same feminine beauty I remember, his dark hair, pale skin, girlish curves. He was still complete and utter perfection, and such perfection existed in no one but Jacqui Larson. He handed Professor Koalchek a yellow slip and he took his seat next to me.

I looked at him and he turned to me. He blinked.

Didn't he remember me?

"J-Jacqui?"

His eyes welled up and I realized: yes, he did remember me. But I don't think he wanted to.

"Adrian," he said in his small, soft voice.

"Hey, you're paying for this class. You don't want to pay attention, don't, but don't waste others' time," Professor Koalchek said.

I opened up my notebook and scribbled a note, just like old times.

It's been awhile.

He pulled the notebook towards him and wrote in his neat penmanship, Yeah. How have you been?

I scrawled back: I've missed you, so not too good.

He smiled a little, but wrote down a not-so-pretty reply: You shouldn't have said that, then. I would've been able to stay.

I pursed my lips. I know it hurt you...but he would've killed you if he found out. I tried to do the right thing. How did things turn out? Well...I hope...

His reply took awhile this time, so I couldn't read it as he wrote. I tapped my foot impatiently as I listened to Professor Koalchek describe the thoughts and feelings of bulimics.

He pushed the notebook towards me. You're right. I'm sorry for being mean about it. Things did turn out okay. They only moved me two hours away and a family called the McKingley's adopted me right away. I had two sisters who were nice, and people weren't so mean to me at the other school. The band broke up because it was too hard to practice, but it didn't matter much. We planned on breaking up after senior year anyway.

I nodded and scribbled back, I'm glad things worked out, but I'm still really sorry for putting you through all of that. I just wanted you to be safe. Do you want to go to the cafe after this?

His eyes ran over the page and he replied, Don't a lot of people go there?

Not during the day. I wrote back.

He smiled at me and nodded. I couldn't stop grinning because it was all like a fairytale. I found my leg bouncing impatiently, again.

After bell, Jacqui and I walked toward the Techno Cafe. No one was there during these hours, and it would be nice to get some alone time with him. I wasn't surprised that he hadn't lost an ounce of his beauty. If anything, he was even more beautiful. He didn't look so sad and his eyes had a little sparkle about them. I smiled to myself.

He looked up at me, questions etched into his expression. I raised my eyebrows and he sighed.

"This is all so weird," he said, blinking, "I never thought I'd see you again."

I nodded, "I never thought I'd see you again, either." I guided him into the cafe and we found a small booth in the corner.

We were silent for a moment before I asked, "May I be bold?"

He nodded skeptically.

"I've really missed you. I don't know. We hardly knew each other and for two years I couldn't get you out of my head."

He blushed a mumbled something.

"Hm?" I asked.

"Me too," he said, his face going from pink to crimson.

I smiled and hestitantly found his hand. He smiled back at me, his face a new shade of scarlet.

"You know something," I pondered. He raised his eyebrows.

"I remember I said it was destiny when we kept running into each other, and you disagreed."

He laughed a little, "Yeah, I remember that."

"Still disagree?"

He shrugged, "I don't believe in that destiny stuff. Stuff just happens."

"So me falling head over heels in love with you just happened?" I said it angrily, but I was embarrassed, because it just slipped out. I didn't mean to say it. But he beamed at me, so I didn't mind much...until he looked skeptical.

"Are you sure love is the word you're looking for?"

I slowly nodded, "Sorry if I was too bold."

"Don't be sorry. Just...can we have a little time before we determine that?"

I nodded. It hurt, but I did understand. I had moved very quickly.

I think things were going to be okay, though, because he gripped my hand a little tighter.