Jukebox Lovers

Two Years Later

It was eight at night. I was organizing my new dorm room, since my roommate sort of threw things in random places, clueless as to where to put things. I sighed and set my duct-tape telephone on our cheap laminated wood desk next to the laptop and desk lamp. I had luckily gotten a good roommate named Brendan. He wasn't very organized, but he was nice, and tolerant of my feminine ways.

The college wasn't an incredibly large or high-scholar college, but it was fairly nice. Annemarie and I both got into it because of our foreign language (I took French and she took both German and French). We lived in the mixed dorms so her dorm room was only one floor up.

The only bad thing about college was that intimacy was tolerated. Professors did not care if people practically had sex on campus. I didn't like that. I hadn't had a boyfriend in years, literally. I hadn't even liked anyone in years. I wanted to have someone and I wanted a good relationship with someone, but it wasn't happening any time soon, and people rubbing it in my face gave me a bit of a complex.

"Whatchya doing, Hall?" asked Brendan, slipping into the door.

"Nothing, just organizing a bit," I answered as I picked up some of the clothes that had been discarded on the floor.

"Oh thanks. Sorry...I'm kind of a slob," Brendan laughed, scratching the back of his neck.

"It's all good. Hey did you get the notes from Koalchek's class?"

The only class Brendan and I shared was Professor Koalchek's class. He taught Psychology, which I didn't understand at all. Therefore, I cut class last time, claiming to be sick.

"Yeah, not that I understood them or anything..." Brendan said, pulling a notebook out from underneath his bed, "We got a new guy though. He sits in the seat next to you."

I groaned. I liked sitting by myself, so it irked me a little that Koalchek would sit someone next to me when there were plenty of empty seats, especially since that was the only class with a seating chart.

"Ah well. I'll scare him away soon enough."

"If anything I think he'll scare you away," Brendan said airily and sat on his bed, "or you two will get along. Probably the second one."

"Why do you think that?"

"I don't know. Just a feeling, I guess."

I snorted and began to copy down his Psychology notes into my notebook.

Brendan and I were to meet up with Annemarie a little later at the Techno Cafe, a small club-like cafe up the road from campus. I always felt bad because Brendan always ended up getting ignored as Annemarie and I scoped out for boys. He claimed he didn't mind, but I still felt incredibly rude.

I pulled my brand new cell phone out of my pocket as a text message came through.

"Hurry your asses up. Love, Annie".

I rolled my eyes and finished ratting out my dark hair from underneath. Brendan and I grabbed our jackets and made our way out of our dorm to meet Annemarie.

"So it's eleven o' clock and I'm so lame I'm here all alone and not even getting asked to dance," Annemarie said, very loudly, probably a hint for a boy in the area to ask her to dance. Annemarie had gotten extremely pretty, so I had no idea why nobody ever asked her dance.

"You're not really alone," I corrected, gesturing Brendan and myself.

"Oh, excuse me. I'm with my gay friend and his boyfriend. Sorry," she said, sarcastically.

"Hello, I'm straight," Brendan said, urgently. I laughed a little. He always was so desperate to prove he was straight. People labelled him as gay for being friends with me, but I knew better. He was far too unorganized to be gay.

"Why don't you look for a boy?" Annemarie said, worriedly. She knew I hadn't been interested in anyone in a very long time.

"I don't know."

"It's been a really long time," she pointed out, "and look at that guy over there. One hundred percent femme, but one hundred and ten percent hot. Go ask him to dance, Hall. Come on."

I shook my head, "I can't."

"He's gorgeous, come on!"

"Annemarie's right. You need to get out there so people stop thinking we're dating," Brendan said with a nervous laugh.

I sighed. The man was gorgeous. He had razored bleach blonde hair, a slender frame, accenting eyeliner, and dangerously tight clothes. I shook my head again.

"He doesn't compare," I said, quietly.

"Two years, Adrian!" Annemarie scolded.

I felt a tear fall down my cheek, "And still," I wiped the tear away, "sometimes I swear I see his face."

I couldn't be seen like this, so I left the Techno Cafe, followed by a worried Annemarie and a confused Brendan. I never told Brendan about Jacqui. I never could bring myself to do it.

Brendan stayed up with me the whole night, watching random movies on our laptop. It was really sweet of him, especially since he wasn't that familiar with taking care of brokenhearted men.

Then he expected me to talk.

"He must've been really special," Brendan said.

I nodded slowly, "Yeah."

"Who was he?" asked Brendan, genuinely interested.

I bit my lip as a tear fell, but he deserved to know after everything he had done for me, so I began to tell him everything.

I woke up the next morning, makeup-stained face sunk into Brendan's chest. I felt a little awkward and rolled away from him. He stirred a little and looked at me, sadly.

"Do you feel better?"

I nodded, despite my headache.

"Let's go to Psych class, then," he said, rolling out of bed.

I agreed and rolled out of bed, but not before taking a few aspirin.

It hurt so bad to think of him and how long it had been.

Living without him was agony, and I would have to live without him for the rest of my life.