You've Got So Much Love in You

I sighed as I saw her small frame curled up in a tiny ball, leaning against the cold brick wall. Her blue beanie was pulled tightly over her head and her H20 jacket was slightly covered in dirt. She looked so helpless. I decided to step closer.

"What do you want from me!? I gave you what you wanted last time!" she screeched, pulling herself tighter.

"Hayley, it's me. What happened to you? What did you give them?" I walked over to her and situated myself on the ground next to her, trying to wrap my arms around her but, she pulled away.

"My innocence...they took it...without my permission. The innocence that was supposed to be given to you," she cried, and tossed her purity ring onto the ground. I shook my head as I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I'd handle that later.

"Hayley, what did they do to you? Who did this to you?" I wanted information, about the person I was going to brutally murder.

"Some guy...I was sitting here, oh, I took some pills by the way. Anyway, I was sitting here, and he just walked up to me and held me down and..." she stopped midway, biting her bottom lip.

"Hayley, he raped you, didn't he?" I asked timidly, letting the words just drip out of my mouth. All of my anger towards her had disappeared upon seeing her so broken, all of my hate had gone. Now all I wanted to do was hold her and promise her it'd be okay.

"Y-yeah...he did...Kristy I feel so dirty..." she started sobbing after finishing her sentence. I wrapped my arms around her, this time, she didn't pull away, but pushed closer to me, burying her head in the crook of my neck.

"Shh Hayley...shh..let it out...I'm here...I'm not going anywhere ever again, I promise. Shh..." I whispered, trying to get her to stop sobbing before she went into hyper ventilating.

"Don't leave me...please don't leave me again..." she cried once more.

"I'm not, Hayley. I never will again, I promise."

"Is it 'cause I wouldn't have sex with you? Is that what made you not want me?" her face came even with mine, only inches away. My temptation to kiss her grew bigger and bigger as each second passed.

"Fuck no! Hayley, I would never leave you for something as stupid as that! I don't care if I ever have sex with you, I just like being with you. I love just holding you when we're in our pajamas, watching movies and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I just love you. Okay?" I shook my head. What on earth would give her the idea I wouldn't want to be with her because she didn't want to have sex with me?

"Oh..." she muttered timidly, moving her face from mine.

"Hayley, look at me," I gently pulled her chin even with mine and held it, looking her directly in the eyes, "I would never, ever leave you because we don't have sex. After what just happened, I can understand if you never want to again. I love you for you, Hayley. I don't care about sex, it means nothing to me. Sure, if you ever want that, then it'll happen, but otherwise, I have no problems staying a virgin for my entire life. I don't care about anything else, as long as you love me. Do you...love...me?" I asked, letting her face softly fall from my hands. I got no response to my question, as my heart felt like it had been stabbed again. I nodded, waved, and ran out of the alley way as fast as I could. I heard her footsteps behind me and slowed a little, as she ran right into me, her arms wrapping themselves in a protective, tight grip around my waist.

She cried as she rested her head on my shoulder. I sat there, just taking in all that had happened, before her lips on my neck snapped me from my trance.

"What are you doing?" I asked, as her lips once again, pressed to my neck, leaving a sloppy kiss on the side of it.

"This is what everyone wants, everyone who has ever dated me wanted this. They wanted to say they had sex with Hayley Williams. No, I'd tell them, I'd tell them no. I was waiting for the right one to come along. You know what? I don't care anymore, I already lost it. It's never coming back. I lost it to some guy I don't even know, and I didn't even want it. I wanted to lose it to YOU, not him. So now, I'll give you what I can, what you wanted all along, to be able to say you had sex with the lead singer of Paramore," she cried harder, as I turned myself around to face her.

"Hayley Nichole Williams, what would EVER give you the idea that I was using you for sex!? I'd never, ever do that! Sex, as I said before, means absolutely nothing to me! YOU mean everything to me, Hayley! You always have! I can't help that I love you more than anyone in this world, and I live to please you and make you happy, I can't help that I never wanted anything but happiness for YOU and only YOU. I want YOU to be happy, and I promised myself, and everyone around me, I'd do whatever it takes, and give whatever is required to make you happy. You are NOT happy, and you are just doing this out of pity. You're upset, and you're probably hurting, emotionally and physically. We're going to get a hotel, and you're going to get some rest, okay?" I finally ended my lecture and she released her grip from me, standing in awe. I quickly took her hand, and hailed a cab, leading her in first, wrapping my arms tightly around her as she shivered.

"Hayley, you're gonna be okay, I promise," I looked out the window, and saw the perfect place. Not the hotel, just yet. But a drug store. I let Hayley sit in the cab, as she promised me not to run again, as I ran inside and bought the first pregnancy test I could find. I also picked up some hot cocoa for Hayley. I ran back outside, cursing as I spilled hot cocoa on my pants.

I slid into the cab, handing Hayley the hot cocoa and setting the bag on the floor. She didn't need to know about that just yet.

"Thanks..." she muttered, taking a sip of the hot drink that was also splattered on my pants. I'm sure she'd be asking about that later. BAD idea to wear white skinny jeans today.

"Anything, Hayley. I promise. Anything you need, I'll get it for you."

She remained quiet as the cab ride came to an end, and we arrived at the Hilton we had previously stayed at. I helped her out, and held the bag in one hand, and her right hand in the other. The cab driver waved the fee, seeing how Hayley looked, saying it'd happened to his daughter, and he didn't feel right charging us. Nice guy, huh?

We both walked, hand in hand, into the hotel, as I got our key card, and led her up to the room. She let go of my hand and walked to the bathroom. My eyes quickly averted the bag in my hand, as I saw her looking into the mirror, observing herself.

My feet, unpermittedly, walked themselves into the bathroom, as my arms absentmindedly wrapped themselves around her small frame. What was I doing? I wasn't even telling my body to do this, it was pure instinct.

"L-let go of me..." her voice hoarse and raspy, as she spoke.

i nodded, letting her out of my grip, missing her touch and wanting to feel her in my arms again.

"We need to talk, Hayley. About everything that's happened, and then you have to do something."

"Can I shower first, please?" she begged, and I nodded.

"Wait, you said you took pills, what and how many did you take?"

"Three Tylenol. It's not gonna kill me...I was just testing it out."

"Do you have the bottle?"

She nodded.

"Give me it, now," I managed as I gritted my teeth. My anger was storming back in, thunder clapping loud, lightning striking low.

She reached in her pocket, pulling out a bottle and tossing it to me. My eyes didn't stay on the bottle, as I heard the familiar clink of soft metal hitting the tile floor.