You've Got So Much Love in You

After a half hour drive and Zac and Josh fighting over the radio stations, Hayley and I arrived home alone. I was happy to be home again, so I could just go back to sleep. Being out all day made me even more tired than when I woke up this morning. Hayley sat on the couch, typing up a Live Journal update on her Mac book, while I sit watching Halloweentown on Disney Channel. It may not be the best movie, but hey, it's something to do.

I glanced over at Hayley. She was so focused, typing away. Her fingers on the keys were like a soft rhythm. I giggled softly upon looking up at her face. It was straight and almost grim, but also adorable at the same time.

Looking at my life now, when I was younger and how I would wish to find the one, get married and be happy, I realize it doesn't work that way. You'll find someone, you fall in love with them, and then you'll fight, you'll make up, and it's just a part of life. I think about how everyone just wants someone who cares, and most don't want to be alone so they just get with whoever they can, with no love or heart put into it. That's what I didn't want to happen with Hayley, and I'm glad that it didn't. I'm glad that she actually found some room in her heart for me.

"Krist?" she asked, shutting her lap top and setting it on the arm of the couch.

"Yeah?"

"I'm tired; wanna go to sleep?"

"Yeah," I smiled, getting up and taking her out stretched hand. I led her upstairs and walked to "my" side of the bed, whilst she walked to hers.

"Night, babe. I love you," I whispered. She muttered something back, it sounded like an "I love you too."

Soon enough, her body was snuggled close to mine, while she slipped into a deep slumber. I grinned. I could feel the ring on her finger when she wrapped her arms around my stomach. It was just a little reminder to me that I was engaged to a beautiful girl who I'd die for.

♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥

I soon awoke to a snoring Hayley lying almost on top of me. Not only was she squishing me, she was drooling on my shirt! Oh hell no.

"Fire!" I screeched. She jumped up, pulling herself out of bed and starting for the door before she realized I was kidding.

"That was so mean!"

"You drooled on me!"

"I can't help it! I had a good dream," she giggled before leaving the bedroom to walk downstairs. I snorted to myself as I got up to change my drool - drenched shirt. I grabbed a tank top and started for the stairs, putting it on as I went down the steps. Hayley stood in the hallway, watching a spider that had appeared on the ceiling intently.

"It's so fascinating! It moves this way, then that way, then this way!" she grinned. I rolled my eyes as I slid past her and into the kitchen.

I yawned, pulling out a Red Bull and a Monster. One for me, and one for Hayley. She skipped into the kitchen grabbing the Monster off the counter and popping the tab. Surprisingly, her little body could consume half of it in one swig.

"Damn Hayles, thirsty?" I felt my tongue swell at the words that escaped my lips. The word thirsty brought back dirty memories from nights wasted out drinking my life away, waking up hung over and feeling like shit. I didn't want to remember that. The more I thought about it, the more the urges came back, flooding my head and putting me into a drunken daze. I could taste the alcohol burning my tongue. It was a sickening feeling.

"Yeah!" she giggled, clearly not noticing my demeanor.

I nodded, taking a small sip of the Red Bull and trying to wash away the burning in my mouth. It was a bitter sweet sensation, the feeling of forgetting my troubles, but at the same time, knowing I was doing something wrong, something I shouldn't be doing. The burning sensation only got worse. I had forgotten about mixing Red Bull and cherry vodka. I felt like my tonsils were welling up in my throat, choking me. Maybe it was just my mind.

"You alright, babe?" she cooed, walking behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

I nodded once again, swallowing down the lump in my throat- or at least trying to.

"You sure? Your face is getting really red."

"I'm fine," I choked out. I just wanted to get away; I felt like I was being suffocated.

"Okay," she sighed, releasing my waist and walking back into the living room. I could hear the TV start blaring, before she lowered the volume slightly. I banged my fist onto the counter, grabbing my keys and walking out to my car. I assumed she wasn't following me. She seemed hurt by my distance from her earlier. I just wanted to go drive around for a little while; maybe go see Kaitlyn.

I was only half way down our street before my phone started vibrating in my pocket. Sighing, I pulled it out and saw it was a new text message from Hayley. She wanted to know why I left her. I texted her back quickly, saying I'd be home in a few minutes. So much for this outing.

Pulling back into our parking lot, I could see her in the kitchen through the bay window. She was sitting on the counter when I walked in, dropping my keys on the table.

"Why were we even fighting?" she asked, getting off the counter and moving closer to me.

"We weren't," I said simply, shedding my jacket as I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. She sat next to me.

"Then why did you leave?"

"I just wanted to get away for awhile. No biggie."

"Okay," she sighed, snuggling up to my side. Hayley had always been this way, wanting to cuddle. That's how she was. She loved having a personal teddy bear to hold her when she falls asleep.

"Go to sleep, mi amore," I whispered, kissing her head. She sighed once again, snuggling closer to me.

"Night," she responded.

She soon fell asleep; leaving me awake and bored. Just as I started to fall asleep, her phone started ringing, playing her text tone. I groaned quietly; grabbing it off the table and taking a glance at the caller ID. It read "Chad Gilbert- NFG". I felt suddenly curious as I clicked the "View Now" button.

Hey baby. when're we gonna hang out? you said you were gonna dump her soon...xoxo, chad.

I yanked myself away from Hayley and tossed her phone in the place where I previously sat. She jolted up, looking around. I could tell she was tired but I was furious. She mindlessly grabbed her phone off the couch and read the text. Her eyes widened before she looked up at me.

"It's not what you think, Krist. Calm down," she tried. I snorted.

"Why did you even say yes to engagement if you were gonna break up with me?" I made my way to the kitchen, snatching my keys off the counter top. She followed me quickly.

"Don't do this. Please. Not now..." she pleaded, glancing up to meet my gaze.

"Me?! I'm giving you what you want! You were gonna break up with me anyways!" I yelled walking out the garage door. I think I broke the button with as hard as I hit it. That damn door couldn't open fast enough.

"Krist, calm down. Please. It's not what you think!" she shouted. I held my hand in full view for her, sticking my middle finger in the air.

"Fuck you," I said simply, walking quickly out to my car. I wanted to get away; go somewhere that I wouldn't have to worry about drama in my life. All I could do for now though, was cry. Resting my head on the steering wheel, I let everything go.

After a long while of crying, I eventually drove to a lake. It was sort of a foggy, rainy night which made it perfect. I sat myself down on the sand in front of the shore, letting the water come in and splash my feet and calves. I sighed, laying myself down in the sand. I could see a little bit of the stars and moon, but not much. I felt slightly relieved, seeing the stars. I knew they would never change, unlike the people around me.

Soon enough, I heard a soft voice call my name in the distance. The problem? I didn't want to talk them. In fact, after what they had done, I hated them. I hated Hayley Nichole Williams.