You've Got So Much Love in You

I couldn't get it out of my head that Zac and Kaitlyn had gone on a date. It was hilarious and I would never let Zac forget it.

Hayley had returned home shortly after my phone call with Bryce, as I politely declined his invitation to hang out. I wanted to spend some time on my own, sort out my thoughts before Hayley got home. Let me tell you, things were awkward.

"So, what'd you do while I was gone?" she asked. She had been almost completely silent since she got home. It made me wonder if she regretted what had happened earlier.

"Nothing really. Just sat around, thinking."

"Nothing interesting at all? No new songs, nothing?" she pressed. She knew that I wasn't telling her something. Gosh, she was good at that.

I pressed my hand over the folded paper in my pocket. I didn't want her seeing this, or even bothering to know it was there.

"Nothing," I lied.

Just everything, I thought to myself.

She took my hand in hers, putting my arm around her waist. I sniffed, feeling the congestion in my chest starting to bother me.

"You got a cold?"

"Yeah, I do. Don't worry, I won't get you sick. Already took a vitamin," I murmured. I didn't really feel like speaking; I didn't know what to say.

She let out a long sigh, grabbing the television remote off the table and turning on the Hit List music channel.

For some reason, I just wanted to look at her, just looking into her eyes. I wanted to see if I could see behind her eyes, see her intentions, her thoughts, and her dreams.

Oh how I wished I could read minds.

She turned to me, looking from my eyes to my lips.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, her voice just above a hoarse whisper.

"I'm not thinking," I lied, sort of. It wasn't lying if it was for her own good, was it?

Her eyes turned cold, looking straight into mine. I could see her eyes searching, scanning mine. It felt like I was being pushed through one of those air port metal detectors. She was searching my eyes for any signs of deceit in my words.

After only a few minutes of silence, with her gazing deeply into my eyes, she spoke.

"You're lying."

"What gives you that idea?" I retaliated. She cocked her head a little to the left side, a serious, hard look on her face.

"Your eyes darken when you lie," she observed. I blinked a few times.

"How could you possibly tell if my eyes darken?"

"I know your usual eye color and whenever you lie, your eyes get to be a darker green. It's a dead giveaway," she replied, her voice cold as ice. She didn't like that I was lying to her.

I wrinkled my nose in frustration. I couldn't believe the hole I'd just dug for myself. I really, really wished I could read her mind now.

"What do you think I lied about?" I said after a long, awkward silence. She had moved to the other end of the couch, leaving me cold, and missing the warmth of her near me.

"I think you were thinking about something important, and you didn't tell me about it. And if it's something important enough to bother you, it's something that will bother me," her eyes stayed straight, staring dead on at the wall that seemed to be miles away from her. I felt like a child, being scolded for breaking some pointless rule. But this wasn't pointless, one little white lie had backfired and hit me straight in the face.

I kept quiet, not daring to say the wrong thing. If I got defensive, she'd get defensive back, and then it'd be an explosion of yelling, screaming and possibly her throwing a ring at me. I knew why she was taking this so seriously, it wasn't just a matter of a small lie, it was a matter of not trusting, of feeling like I couldn't tell her something. Hayley was extremely sensitive, especially when it came to trusting someone. She'd been betrayed so many times in the past.

The past. It registered in my head, if fights continue to brew, I could become part of her past, not her future. I was sure of only one thing at that moment, I didn't want to become just a person in her memory. I wanted to be her past, present and future. I wanted forever.

"You have nothing to say?" her voice was angry, with just a little pain audible.

I nodded.

She stood abruptly.

"Nothing to say? Nothing at all," she repeated. Her voice was almost a pained laugh.

I couldn't hold back anymore.

"What do you want me to say, Hayley? Oh, it's all gonna be just fine and dandy all the time. No, it won't be! I'm human, I get upset and I have emotions. It's perfectly normal and sometimes, I may need to sort through things on my own. You can't save me every time!" I snapped. I realized soon after that I had stood up in the process of yelling, and had moved only inches away from her. Turning on my heel, I sat back down on the couch. Her face was stunned. I bit my lip as I saw a single tear fall from her deep hazel eyes.

Her mouth opened a few times, then closed again. I could tell she was processing things in her mind, trying to find the words to say.

"Do you not trust me?" she asked timidly.

I glared. She flinched at my intensity.

"Let's count up the strikes, shall we? First, you cheated on me once, second, you cheat on me, again and then thirdly, you leave me for some asshole you met on Warped Tour last year, then, you come back, claiming you'd known you shouldn't have left all along. Forgive me, but cheating three times counts as three strikes," I spat through clenched teeth. My jaw began to get sore, my teeth were clenched so tight.

Her eyes showed more pain than I'd ever seen in my entire life. They showed regret, sorrow,and pure, raw, pain. She was taken back by my words, leaning against the wall for support now. I knew Hayley could only take so much in one day, so I came to the conclusion that this didn't need to continue tonight.

"Now, I'm gonna go to bed. You can either sleep next to me, or I can sleep on the couch. Make your choice," I said calmly, my voice cool, but still commanding.

She bit her lip.

"I'll sleep next to you," she whimpered. I nodded, acknowledging her decision and leading her upstairs. I laid down on my side, she laid on hers.

I could feel her shift a few times, her arms coming close to my waist. I could also feel her shiver. I knew she wanted to hold me, but she was afraid of my reaction.

Silently, all my anger aside, I wanted to fall asleep in her arms again.