You've Got So Much Love in You

I stepped as quietly as I could down the stairs, making my way to the garage with my keys in hand. The wind bit at me as I walked out to my car. I wasn't sure where to go but I knew I needed out of here. This was becoming ridiculous in how much I just ran away from all the problems I created.

I sighed. I could go drinking.

I would go drinking.

I managed to get myself to the Old Bag Of Nails Pub unharmed, despite a few close encounters.

The bartender smiled as I walked in. He was a gruff looking guy, looked like he needed to be shown how to use a razor.

"I'll take a shot of pure vodka," I muttered, grabbing my wallet out of my jacket pocket.

"You sure that's not too strong for you, kid?" he asked, looking at me strangely.

"I'm positive," I answered coldly.

"Alright then," he walked away, grabbing a shot glass from the shelf and filling it with cherry vodka.

"Cherry's all we got," he said as he slid the glass in front of me.

"Perfect. You might as well start bringing more shots this way," I said before I felt the familiar taste hit my taste buds. My craving wasn't as harsh, but it was still there. And it would take way more than one shot to fulfill.

The bartender kept sliding me shots, one after another.

My body started to feel heavier and heavier after each shot made it's way down my throat, burning it as it flowed down.

I couldn't stop myself, no matter how hard I tried. My self control wasn't that stable.

I sighed, taking another swig of the vodka, wanting to erase my memories.

I grabbed the counter, seeing my vision start to sway.

I could feel someone's death grip on my shoulder, pulling me off my stool and onto my feet.

"What is wrong with you!? I thought we got over this?!" Hayley's voice echoed in my ears. I stared at her blankly.

"What?" I slurred. The word came out so meshed I don't think she understood.

"Kristy, I'm done! I'm done with you. You're choosing this shit over me. Call me when you're sober," she took the engagement ring off her finger and put it in my hand, closing my fingers around it.

I clenched my hand to all I had left of my relationship, praying silently that this was all just a bad dream.

I sat back on the stool, watching Hayley storm off. I felt my heart going with her. I grabbed the vodka angrily and chugged down the rest of it. My whole body started to numb.

Finally, the pain was going away.

"Gimme 'nother one," I stuttered to the bartender. He eyed me.

"I think you've had one too many, girl. Go on home," his voice was husky and tired. I sighed, letting my head drop onto the counter. He lifted my head up.

"I've seen plenty of people in here drinking their pain away. Why don't you go try to fix things? You're only makin' it worse," he let go of my head and walked down the bar, tending to his other customers. I groaned, shoving my body off the stool and making my way outside. I knew I couldn't drive. That'd be impossible. I knew what I could do though. Since my heart was already gone, why not waste the rest of my body away?

I fumbled to my pocket, getting out the vicodin that I was prescribed for my back pain. There was still a good half of the bottle left, about 15 to 20 pills.

I grinned inwardly as I stumbled into nearest alley. Slouching down against the wall, I poured them into my mouth, swallowing hard.

This was it. I just made the last decision I'd ever make.

My whole life would be over soon. Just as soon as the pills took over my entire immune system, which I knew wasn't strong enough to fight the self destruction I was inflicting.

Finally, I wouldn't hurt anymore.