You've Got So Much Love in You

(Hayley's Perspective)

I still felt guilty about doing that to Kristy, as much as she needed me. I could see that in her eyes. Vulnerability and pain. The pain was familiar to me, though. I had seen it in her eyes many times before, but seeing it there now, so intense, more powerful than ever, made me question my decision.

Zac assured me, this would be what she needed. Something to make her see. I know she hadn't been drinking for quite awhile, and this was a slip up. He had faith that she would see that and would be coming home anytime now.

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Hours passed and she didn't show up. Zac's faith was slowly fading.

"What if she doesn't come home?" I asked. Zac looked at me, sorrow etched in his face.

"There's nothing we can do," his voice seemed to give off an entirely different emotion. It was cold.

"This was your idea. You said stay home and she'd come home. Newsflash, she's not here yet!" I screeched. Zac looked startled.

"I thought she was stronger than this. It's my best friend I'm losing," he sighed. I stared at him in awe.

"Define 'losing'!"

"You know her well enough Hayles, she'll-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," I snapped. I knew exactly what he was going to say. She wouldn't dare do that again. Not this time, she's stronger than that. She just doesn't know it.

I sighed, trying to sort my thoughts. I was doing well, until my phone rang.

"Ms. Williams?" a formal, deep voice asked as I answered.

"Yeah?" I managed to struggle out.

"Do you know a Kristy Collins?"

Oh my God, she's dead.

"Y-yeah. Um.. did something happen to her?"

"Yes, actually. She's in intensive care right now. Detox. Do you know of any reason why she would overdose?"

I gulped. Zac looked at me, pleading for answers with his eyes.

I mouthed the word "later" to him.

"Um... she just recently suffered a break up with her fiance?"

The words burned my tongue. I was her fiance and I was the one who broke up with her.

"Oh, okay. Thank you for your time. Goodbye," the person hung up quickly. His voice was slightly rushed towards the end. So apparently, she had overdosed and I wasn't getting any information about on what, why, or when, or even what condition she was in. Great, just perfect.

"What the hell happened?!" Zac practically screamed to me.

"She overdosed."

"So she's dead?!" he shouted. He looked furious with me.

"No. They didn't tell me anything except she's in intensive care," I sighed.

"I can't believe this."

I sighed again, biting my lip.

"I'm going to bed," I got up from the couch, making my way upstairs to Kristy and I's room.

I practically jumped under the covers, smelling her distinct feminine scent on the pillow that she slept on. It smelled sort of like vanilla mixed with the scent of roses.

I buried my head in the pillow, committing the scent to memory. I feared it'd be the last thing I had of her other than pictures, but they could never replace having been there.

Cuddling up to the pillow that she slept on, I was able to fall asleep. It wasn't easy. It took plenty of arguments with myself, fighting with my subconscious. I told myself she'd be fine, we'd be back together before long, but another part of me argued and said there wouldn't be another chance. It was over. There were no more chances with her. She was gone, forever. Never coming back.

Never to be in my arms again.

The thought alone scared me to death.