You've Got So Much Love in You

"Kristy, really. Please just relax. I'm not going to hurt you," Hayley whispered, her voice low and careful.

"How can I relax? The medication, added with the stupid nervousness of being on a plane, and your split personalities is really getting to me," I spat, clenching my teeth and grinding them together.

"You can relax knowing that I love you and that will never change," Hayley looked at me, her eyes searching my face for the signs of anger; the signs that I didn't want this.

"I hate how you make me love you," I growled under my breath. Hayley didn't turn to look at me, but as I looked over at her, I swear I saw a tear falling from her deep hazel eyes.

The next time I looked over at her, she was asleep, her face etched with a frown and her breathing a steady rhythm. I knew the breathing routine by heart. After all, I'd fallen asleep listening to it so many times in the past.

I looked around, making sure no-one was watching before kissing her cheek softly. The touch made my entire body heat up, especially my face. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks so I guessed I was about the deepest shade of red I'd ever been.

But if that's the price of feeling those butterflies tangling up in my stomach, then I'll gladly pay it.

The four hour flight wasn't nearly as dull as I expected. Hayley sleeping, but I could find entertainment in watching those who were around me, seeing how they interacted. A mother and her infant daughter and the affection she showed her, a husband and wife and the affectionate kiss they shared. All of it was based on love, whether it be family love, or romantic love, they shared love that couldn't be replaced. And part of me wondered, could the love Hayley and I shared ever be replaced? Not that I would go searching for it, though. I was content with Hayley. My intentions were to be with her until the day my heart stopped beating.

"Now landing in Los Angeles, California," the pilot announced over the loud speaker. I looked over at Hayley, debating whether or not I should let her sleep. I decided I'd wake her up so she could gather whatever plans she had for us when we got home and ready herself.

"Hayles, get up. Hayley, wake up!" I shook her lightly as she stirred, groaning and mumbling 'leave me alone.'

"Get up!" I growled, stepping on her foot. She squeaked, drawing attention to us from the other passengers. I glared at all of them and they turned away with flustered, embarrassed looks on their faces.

"Sorry, I'm crabby when I'm woken up," she yawned, stretching her arms out in both directions.

"Yeah, I know," I snapped coldly. She looked at me, the pain in her eyes unbearable. I groaned and threw my head back.

"You really need to chill," she mumbled, leaning away from me in her seat. I pushed my head further into the seat, trying to force her face out of my head.

She didn't bother me until we finished landing, roughly shoving me to follow her. I sighed, getting up and following her off the plane. We walked out into the main area of the airport and stood.

"Where are we going now?" I asked, curious about her little plan.

"We are not going anywhere. You need to rest and you're way to crabby for me to deal with. So I'll finish what I started tomorrow when you can think straight. I'll be sleeping at friends house and you can go to your house. We'll meet up sometime tomorrow or the next day," I could tell her voice was unsure and that made me nervous, but I acknowledged her wishes and walked off in the opposite direction, my hands shoved deep in my jacket pockets. I wanted to prevent the waterfall from starting, but the minute I was alone, I knew it'd start. I kept walking, all the way to the exit on the opposite side of the building, and as the automatic doors opened, I saw Hayley leaning against the wall and looking rather drowsy.

I didn't stop, I just kept walking, ignoring that she was there. I did however, look back to see if she was following me, and sure enough, she was. She was a few feet behind me so I just decided to stop and see what she wanted.

"What, Hayley?" I asked, keeping my voice level enough so she wouldn't notice any distress.

I sighed as she moved in front of me, pulling my body against hers and pushing her lips on mine, eagerly. I kissed her back, softly and without the force she exerted. I didn't want her to be rough; it was never really like that before, she would always be gentle. This wasn't her.

She grunted as she pulled away, embarrassed with herself. I sighed and pulled her into my arms. I didn't care that there were hundreds of people around. In my mind, she was the only one. Just her and I, holding each other. I felt like I was invincible when I was holding her, that nothing could hurt me but, the truth was, I was more vulnerable to the pain than ever before. I was open to the pain of rejection from her, which would hurt worse than anything else, knowing she didn't need me.

I swallowed hard and kissed her cheek softly, letting my mouth linger there a little longer than necessary. I didn't want to let go, I just wanted to hold her forever, not giving a damn about the rest of the world because the truth is, she was the only one who ever mattered, and that would never, ever change.

"I want you to be yourself again, Krist," she mumbled into my shoulder. I cringed. Had I been acting different toward her?

"You're so cold to me now. It's like you don't even care about me anymore, or what we have together doesn't mean a thing to you."

I cringed more at this. I had no intentions of letting her feel that way, when I knew I felt the exact opposite of both of the things. I guess I got lost along the way, in trying to be everything she wanted in her fiance. I lost myself along the way, and the only way I'd ever discover who I truly was, and need to be, would be through her because I could never feel so comfortable in my own skin around anyone else but her. She was the only one I'd ever loved this way, and no part of me felt like that would change.

"I care about you more than you can understand," I muttered, my eyes darting frantically around the street, trying to see if we were being watched by any spectators.

She pulled away from me and sighed, "I'm going to go call Zac. I'll meet up with you here in five minutes, okay?"

"Okay, love," I let out a quiet laugh as she walked off, her hips swaying in that seductive way they always did.

I didn't bother to move out of the way, just stood still, my mind wandering off into far, unknown places until, that is, someone rammed right into me.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry!" the girl murmured, picking up her keys from the ground, along with the ID card she was carrying.

I looked up, seeing her eyes lock with mine and feeling everything else drop out from my mind. It was like I forgot the world.

"I-I'm Kristy..." I introduced myself, managing to sound just a little bit confident.

"I'm Sierra."

A smile formed on her lips, tugging at the corners. I could feel my heart stop for a moment before starting again. This girl was killing me.

Sierra and I got talking, and I found out that her full name was Sierra Kusterbeck, and she was in the band VersaEmerge, who had just gotten signed to Paramore's label, Fueled By Ramen and she was in town to meet up with the record execs for the planning of their tour and to arrange a meeting with the rest of the band. The thing that bothered me most was how she winced when I mentioned my being with Hayley. She acted as though it hurt her.

"So um.. if you wanted to keep in contact-" I started but, she interrupted.

"Put your number in my phone," she smiled. It was the exact smile that I had already committed to memory.

We handed each other our sidekicks and put our numbers in. She promised to text me but said she had to get going. I smiled and nodded, waving her goodbye as she walked off.

This girl would no doubt, be causing some trouble for Hayley and I in the near future.

"Krist," Hayley smiled as she walked from inside the airport, a pretzel in her hand. She had the sheepish grin on her face that told me she did something that I'd be curious about.

"What'd you do?" I laughed, trying to erase Sierra from my mind as quickly as I could, but she just wouldn't go away. This would definitely be a very, very big problem.

I think I'm falling for another girl.

But I can't let it happen.