You've Got So Much Love in You

I fell asleep shortly after Hayley got up to take a shower, insisting that she felt the need to because she was sweaty and her hair was a mess. I brushed it off. My mind was heavily consumed with thoughts of Sierra and I didn't know why. I couldn't get her off my mind and it was sure to be a problem.

I sat, blankly staring out into an empty pasture of green grass for as far as the naked eye could see. There were no trees, just the horizon line in the distance, which displayed the beautiful sunset. The orange blurred into a light red where the horizon line fell on the ground. Instead of the sun, though, I saw Sierra's face. Her lips were moving but, I could hear no sound. I was no expert at reading lips, either. I was one to read facial expressions rather than what they were saying. Their eyes said more than their mouthes ever would.

Her facial expression was blank and this frustrated me endlessly. I wanted to know what she was saying, how she was feeling. If she was sad, could I be the comfort she needed? If she was happy, was I the reason for her smile?

Finally, after some minutes of complete silence, her voice restored.

"Your eyes are staring right through me. Do you even know how much it hurts seeing you with her?" a whisper emitted from her lips, careful and guarded. Her eyes closed briefly as she let on a wince. The pasture was suddenly set to fire, starting at the horizon line where Sierra's face was still watching me and every move I made. I could run away or I could run to her, straight into the fire. I had the choice to make.

I chose to run into the fire, straight to Sierra.

"Get the hell up!" Hayley shouted. I could hear a faint laugh afterwards as my eyes opened to her standing with her hand on her hip.

"You always sleep," she laughed, brushing off the fact that I had woken up in a sweat. It was strange because in the dream, I had run into a fire which is heat and I woke up sweating...?

"I'm a tired person," I shrugged, pulling the covers closer to me. Despite the sweat, I was freezing.

"I beg to differ," Hayley smirked, pulling a white cami with hearts on it over her head.

"That's sickening," I blushed, pulling a pillow over my face.

"Oh shut up. You have nothing to be embarrassed about," Hayley walked over to me, nearly tripping over the jeans on the floor in the process.

"But you do."

"Now that is true," Hayley laughed, lying down next to me. I grinned, pushing my thoughts of Sierra aside for now.

"And I can get you back for those."

"Now... I don't think that's a very good idea," Hayley smirked, turning to me and tickling my sides. My laughter was loud and I couldn't stop.

"I'm gonna piss my pants! Stop!" I pleaded. My words barely came out through the fit of giggling.

Hayley rolled her eyes and leaned down to my face, her lips brushing mine ever so softly.

"Kiss me," I murmured. She nodded, pressing her lips to mine gently. The lustful desire was now void in the kiss, just pure, raw love. That was what I had wanted all along but, it wasn't fulfilling to me anymore. I felt the need of something different. I did, most definitely, still crave Hayley's presence constantly but at the same time, a part of me was still wondering what it would be like to kiss Sierra.

"Well, that was disappointing," Hayley moved next to me again. I clenched my teeth together, silently begging for the question not to come.

"You definitely are acting different and it's scaring me," Hayley sighed, looking at me skeptically.

"Nothing serious, babe," I tried to brush it off- and failed.

"It's serious when you say kiss me and then I feel like I'm kissing a freaking brick."

"I'm just not in the mood, alright?" I retorted, slightly more harsh than I would have liked.

"You're never in the mood to be anywhere near me since you met her," Hayley scoffed. Her insecurity was more than obvious with her panic disguised as anger.

"You leave Sierra out of this."

"If you want me to leave her out of it, then stop falling for her."

"That's the most obscene thing I've ever heard, Hayley."

I was silently begging for her to shut up.

"It's the most obvious thing I've ever seen."

"I'm not falling for her," I tried to tell Hayley, as well as myself. I again, failed.

"Oh, but you are. I see that look in your eyes whenever you talk to her. You get that dazed look, the lovestruck look," she scolded. I flinched. I had never realized that she had noticed the way I was when Sierra was mentioned or even when she wasn't mentioned but, still on my mind.

"Well, maybe the damage you've done to this relationship is beyond repair," I argued, my voice rising.

"Maybe that's true but you know what, I can live with myself knowing I'm not the one who put an end to it. I'm not the one who gave up on love, Kristy."

You know it's serious when she brings out the full name.

"Hayley don't you ever doubt that I would give my life for you without a second thought. Don't you ever think that I don't love you because that's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. I do love you, every part of you and no, that will not change. Yes, Sierra is one of my friends now. I thought we discussed that I could use a friend. I have none since I started being with you. Kaitlyn is no longer speaking to me and Zac will tell you anything I tell him. I can't confide in anyone," I shouted, seeing her flinching and grimacing at my words.

"Well what the hell do you want to do?"

"I didn't start the fight. I just defended myself," I retorted, a sort of snarl behind my annoyed tone.

"You don't need to get shitty with me, Kristy," she retorted, her voice annoyed as well.

"I'm not getting shitty. I'm simply telling you the truth. Can't handle the truth, aye?"

"I can handle the truth just fine," she softened. I kept my guard up.

"If you can handle the truth, tell me, why do you lie?"

"Because you can't handle the truth sometimes," she whispered. It was almost as if she was scared of me which, she had no reason to be scared. I wouldn't ever lay a hand on her. I hoped she knew that, too.

"I can handle the truth. Sure, it hurts sometimes but I hate being lied to."

"I'm sorry, then," she murmured. Her voice was low and guarded. She seemed to feel like Sierra was a threat to her.

I was torn; should I give up Sierra and all that she makes me feel to stay with Hayley, who I didn't know if I was still in love with? The engagement ring on my finger seemed to be all that was holding us together.

"I'm sorry, too," I added, keeping my voice level. My unsure mind was starting to take control of my heart and that wouldn't end in pretty.

"For what?" she asked, confused.

"I think I'm falling out of love with you."