You've Got So Much Love in You

(Hayley's Perspective)

Hugging Sierra, something I thought I'd never do, mainly because I thought if I was ever around her again I'd rip her to shreds, but it was comforting, for awhile, that is. I was perfectly okay until I remembered, she would be holding Kristy, just like I used to. She'd get to kiss her, hold her and show her the things I wished I could. I wanted to be the one to show her the things love can do, how long it can last.

"Thank you," Sierra murmured, before pulling out of my arms. Kristy stood behind us, that adorable confused expression on her face. I was surprised neither of the two heard my heart pounding in my chest. Actually, I was shocked they couldn't see it.

"You're welcome," I somehow managed to reply, though the lump in my throat grew when Kristy looked at her; the look in her eyes said enough about her true feelings for Sierra.

"I really appreciate everything you did. I know you must hate me for what happened. I actually sort of loathe myself for it. I never wanted to be a home wrecker," Sierra sighed. Her eyes were changing colors from green to yellow; I have to admit, it was freaky.

Kristy kept a safe distance from both of us, busying herself with twiddling her thumbs or pacing.

"I don't bite, you know," I informed her, trying to keep the awkward moments to a minimum.

She didn't acknowledge me. She didn't look up from her hands at all. I think the pained expression in my eyes was a little too much for Sierra, for she spoke up.

"Kristy, she's not a mutant or something. You can look at her," she said, her tone pitiful.

She looked up from her hands, finally, and straight into my eyes. It was like a silent conversation. She was telling me she saw the pain in behind my eyes and she felt horrible for it.

"I'm just gonna... go," she tried to leave, but I knew exactly where she'd go.

"You're not drinking. I'll send you straight back to Columbus to the hospital," I snapped. Sierra looked at me, then to her, confused.

"Kristy had a drinking problem for awhile there, and still has a relapse every once in awhile. It's something you should keep a close eye on, if she's leaving after a fight, or depressed. And my God, do not let her near Tylenol," I gushed. Kristy's gaze was on the floor again, seemingly ashamed of her past.

Sierra looked at her, saddened by what she had learned.

"I'm leaving here soon," I murmured, the pain settling in my stomach like a bullet.

"Hayley, please... stay for a little while," Kristy finally spoke again, her voice was shaky. Now, I knew she was a little shaken up from being nearly kidnapped, but she was so strong, never showing the pain. I'd never seen her be this vulnerable.

Sierra, too, was pained by her words. I'm sure she feared that Kristy's feelings were returning quickly before she could stop them.

"I'd like to, but it isn't my place. Josh is probably furious that I'm here anyway," I let out a careful laugh, making sure no one could see how fake it was.

She sighed, nodded and walked upstairs.

Sierra was looking at me with scared eyes.

"She's starting to love you again," she whispered, trying to hide the fear, but I saw it there.

"She doesn't love me, she loves you," I tried to reassure her, but she wasn't listening to me.

"I saw that look in her eyes, the longing for you. I'm not going to stand in the way anymore. I'll be fine being alone," she sighed, her face beginning to show the worn out, tired look.

"I'm telling you right now, you leave her and you will regret it. This is the best experience you will ever have, don't let it go. She will give you everything you could ever need and more, don't let it slip away so easily. Take advantage of her while you have her. It may not be for long," I choked, the break up line replaying in my mind.

I think I'm falling out of love with you.

God, she said so little but it had hurt so much. It was all it took to tear everything away from me. More than enough, actually. It was enough to tear apart 10 of me. I don't know what I was expecting in being with her, thinking it would last forever when we were so young. I should've known it was only infatuation on her part.

Sierra was looking at me as I broke out of my flash back. She was saddened, sitting on the couch with her legs crossed.

"I'm so scared," she cried. I couldn't help but pity her. Her relationship with Kristy had only just begun, and she had barely fallen in love with her. She was a mile from the edge of the cliff, before you fall so deeply, so fully, that you can't get back out of the trench you're buried in, and frankly, you don't want to. It feels far too good, being with her. It's euphoric, having her hold you in such a loving, protective way. You couldn't feel any safer any place else.

The pain of losing that, though, overpowers any pain you could ever feel. The ache never goes away, always lurking in your chest, threatening to worsen with every memory your mind manages to sputter into your thoughts. The cobwebs don't cover her memories, but rather any memories that you could possibly use to get rid of the ache. It's almost like your body wants you to hurt, like it wants you to feel like there is nothing worth breathing anymore. It's captivating, but at the same time, you know the hurt is radiating from your entire being as you enter a crowded room. You still feel alone, knowing none of them have felt the way you do.

Being in love with her, especially, is the one thing I'll always want. I'll always want her to return my feelings, and in my happiest dreams, she returns them with such joy that even when we are old and weakened, she still holds me close, strong and protective.

"This is only the beginning. The only advice I can give you is to not be afraid to fall for her. She will take care of you, and she will do it without a complaint," I let a smile sneak itself into place as I remembered the first kiss, the first kiss that nearly had me unconscious with the passion, the love she'd given.

"I guess you're right," she sighed. We were both startled to see Kristy standing on the landing of the stairs, just observing us without a word. Our interaction still puzzled her, obviously. She probably remembered my anger, and figured I'd be ripping Sierra apart and laughing manically as she died.

"That's nice to know what you think about me," she said curtly.

"I said nice things. It's not a hasty, 'go talk shit about my ex' break up unless you turn it into that."

"Good god, somebody call the fucking cops. Kristy's not in a good mood, it's a national emergency," her voice dripped with sarcasm. I gave her a disgusted look.

"Drop your ego, asshole," I snapped, not wanting to sound as harsh as I did. This was her way of dealing with stress, her sarcasm.

"I have no ego, thanks," she rolled her eyes and ventured off into the kitchen.

I looked to Sierra, and she apologized silently to me for Kristy's behavior. She had no need, though; I was perfectly accustomed to her moods and how to avoid fights. Things had changed now, though.

I wasn't the one who had to avoid the fights.