You've Got So Much Love in You

Kristy's Perspective.

I couldn't really think straight. I had absolutely no idea to with myself after Zac left. I knew part of me wanted to call him and prevent myself from doing something completely stupid and unreasonable, but that'd be admitting I was being idiotic. I stared at my phone for a good five minutes before deciding I was strong enough to hold myself together; I could depend on myself.

I was tired as I walked down the stairs and sat on the couch, turning on the TV. I grinned as The Duel 2 Reunion came on.

"Aww, Rachel's so cute..." I murmured to myself, realizing how insane I sounded.

Don't cry to me; if you loved me, you would be here with me...

I was only fifteen minutes into the show when my phone rang. It was Hayley's ring tone, and that alone made me dread answering it.

"Hey," I answered. Hayley squealed on the other end of the line.

"Okay, look, if you're going to have sex with Sierra, don't call me. I don't want to hear it," I snapped, feeling my anger burning in my chest.

"I'm not! She just pinched me. Thanks, babe, jeez. Anyway, you wanna hang out today?" she asked, her voice bubbly and excited.

"No, I don't."

"Why not?"

"I'm in no mood to be a third wheel on your date. And I'm in no mood to take anyones shit," I tried to keep calm, but for some reason, I kept finding myself snapping at her. Was I really jealous, or was it just my bad mood?

"You can't hole yourself up at home, Krist. Get out more!" she laughed. I bit down on my lip, trying not to scream as I hung up the phone. There's no way I'm taking her shit right now.

I went upstairs, throwing my body onto my bed and begging for my dreams to take over. There's no way in hell I could make it through today without wanting to snap everyone's neck that came within a ten foot radius of me.

The pillows were soft against my aching head. I wanted to drown myself in them. It would feel a hell of a lot better than this confusion and mixture of emotion.

I could hear the noises outside; the squirrels claws attaching to the tree, the birds chirping, car tires squealing in protest, but I tuned it out so I could let my brain get rid of the thoughts of Hayley, Sierra, and Zac.

The sleep overcame me soon after, and I wasn't objecting it at all. It was refreshing.

_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_

The morning came far too soon for me. My sleep was restless, yet soothing. I felt like something had been removed from my list of things to stress over, but many still remained and that was the problem. I was way too stressed.

I ventured downstairs to the pantry, shuffling through the near empty shelves to find something to eat. I settled on a left over pixie stick, due to me being far too lazy to cook something right now. I'd probably end up burning the house down.

I tried to keep my thoughts positive as I sat at the kitchen table, pouring the sour powder in my mouth and rubbing my tongue against the roof of my mouth, dissolving it quickly.

The house phone soon rang. I hissed as I got up to answer it. I wish I had fucking caller ID!

"Hey Krist!" Zac squealed. I bit down on my tongue to prevent a harsh remark.

"Hey, Zac. What do you need?"

"You should hang out with me today. It'd be fun, and an easy way to get your mind off Hayley," I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"Pleasant. I'll see you later, then," I hung up and set the phone back on the receiver. I didn't like being alone; I was so accustomed to having someone here all the time, and now I was just alone. It wasn't normal for me.

I walked back upstairs to my room and into the bathroom, stripping down and turning on the water in the shower. I tested the temperature and decided it was hot enough as I stepped in.

The water ran down my body quickly, and I wished it would wash away more than just dirt. I wanted it to wash away my thoughts, my pains, my stresses. I knew it wouldn't though because that was something I'd have to figure out myself.

Most of all? I wished I could wash those two girls right out of my head like they never even existed.