You've Got So Much Love in You

Kristy's Perspective.

It wasn't a long drive to Hayley's apartment, and that made me more nervous than usual. I felt like the longer I had on the way there, the more I could think, and the more I could think is the more time I had to change my mind and just go back to my old way of life, and leave it at that, but I knew I shouldn't. I had to start building the stairs out of the hole I'd dug for myself.

I couldn't help but wonder what I would be walking into. I could use the key I had forgotten to give back, or I could knock and hopefully, not be interrupting anything too important. The whole thought of seeing them together made my skin crawl over my muscles. I had set them up, but only to knock myself down, thinking I was strong enough to handle it. Oh, what a fool I was... letting her go...

I'm not coming back; I've done something so terrible. I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me...

I cursed as I picked up my phone and set it on speaker, ignoring the caller ID.

"Kristy, where are you?" Hayley's voice made my whole body shiver. I hadn't heard it in a few days and now, I realized I had missed it more than I thought.

"On my way to see you," I replied, trying to keep my focus on where I was going.

"Oh, that's cool! Sierra and I wanted to hang with you."

I could feel my heart twisting itself into knots and if I didn't change the subject, every word she said would tug them tighter.

"Cool, cool. I'll see you soon. Bye!" I hung up quickly, tossing the phone into the passenger seat and shaking my head. Why had I set them up in the first place? That was the stupidest thing I could have ever done.

"Fuckin' bullshit..." I murmured as I turned the volume louder on the radio. Something by Seether was playing, which was probably from one of my mix CD's. The ones I'd made with Hayley...

The ache in my chest came back as I remembered that day. We were young, and it was before she became famous, around 13, and I was crushing on her, but she had this asshole of a boyfriend named Justin. What an arrogant son of a bitch...

The drive to her house seemed so much shorter when my mind started reminiscing of all the times we had spent together, happy and easy going, but fortunately, I didn't get far enough to remember the relationship's beginning.

I could Sierra sitting outside on the porch, staring up at the sky with her aviators on. She had a distant look on her face, focused completely on something else.

As I got out of the car, my legs felt like jello. I didn't want to make them move other than straight back to my house, my comfort zone. I was vulnerable here and I didn't like it, but this was what I needed to fix myself. And I'll be damned if I back out now.

Approaching Sierra, I realized she was very much distracted, in a daydream as I tapped her shoulder. She jumped, but relaxed when she realized who had tapped her.

"Hey!" she grinned, standing up and pulling me into a tight, friendly hug.

"Hi," I responded, trying to forget how I use to hold her like this, but I could remember it all so clearly, especially since the memory was fresh and crisp.

"Come inside. Hayley wants to talk to you," she smiled, pulling me inside by my arm. I was stuck now. There was no escape.

"Hey, Krist," Hayley looked at me with a sad smile and I returned with the same.

This wasn't going to be fun. I wasn't going to leave this little gathering in a good mood and I knew I sure as hell wasn't going down without a fight, either.