Miles in Minutes

The revelation scared the shit out of James.
Well of course it did!
How couldn’t it?
It had been what he’d been denying ever since he broke up with Kasey. It had been the only thing that was tearing his psyche apart starting with the things that hurt him the most.
It was during a stupid band practice.
And of course, as in most of Drop It’s scheduled band practices they ended up blowing the time talking. It was during the unscheduled band practices when the real practicing part happened.
Somehow, Lacey, Fix and David all turned and twisted the conversation to the missing member of their ‘band-family’ as they called it; Kasey. Lacey put her hands in her lap pathetically, “I never knew she wanted to be in a band.”
“Me neither,” David frowned, “We never asked her though.”
“We’ve never asked her a lot of things,” Lacey pointed out. “It was always about us. We always centered it around ourselves.”
Fix protested, “It’s not like Kasey’s dead! We can still talk to her! We can still ask her questions!”
“But now she’s got her own band,” Lacey glanced at Fix with the expression of a hurt puppy, “And they’ll become her new family.”
“She’ll never give us up,” Fix stated, but doubt flickered through his eyes.
“She already has, hasn’t she?” David glared at his hands. “And now... it’s never going to be the same.”
“Don’t be all fucking dramatic,” James muttered, he was getting pissed, “If Kasey wanted to be in a band she’d have told us! She’s just... she’s just... Okay! I have no fucking idea what she’s doing but it’s gonna get her in the end, okay?” James thought that this settled the matter, how wrong he was.
“It’s not about revenge,” Lacey whispered, “It’s not about that Kasey gets what she deserves in the end. It’s about the fact that our best friend left us and practically bought new best friends.”
“Why’d she leave anyway?” Fix frowned. “I mean, you two were handling the break up fine...”
James shook his head, that was a lie and everyone knew it. They had not handled the break up fine. Kasey wouldn’t even look at him and James felt like he blew up a bus full of orphans. They had screamed at each other if they were in the same room for more than thirty seconds. It was a messy break up.
And James had given the final blow.
And he’d been dead on with his aim.
“James,” Lacey gave her brother a look, “Why did she leave?”
“I told her to.”
“What?” Lacey choked. “You told Kasey to leave?”
“Why?” David shouted standing up.
His brother continued the question, “Why the hell- What the hell were you thinking, James?”
The questions continued to barge forward, James made no move to answer any of them.
“Why?”
“How could you?”
“What would make you do that?”
“You could have worked it out!”
Finally, Lacey whispered one that stuck.
“Do you miss her, James? Do you miss Kasey?”
James got up and left the room.
He locked himself in the single-stall bathroom.
The tiles on the floor were grey, the wall paper on the wall was grey vertical stripes and the ceiling was painted grey. The light was dim and made everything just that much more black and white.
James rubbed his thumb on the smooth porcelain of the sink and he squeezed his eyes shut tight. You don’t, you don’t...
His grip on the sink tightened.
It’s not true... they’re just getting in your head... why would you do that?
He inhaled sharply. For a second there, he’d forgotten to breath.
You don’t miss her... It was you who ended the relationship anyways. Why would you miss her?
James glanced up into the mirror.
He didn’t see his face. He saw Kasey’s.
He saw her as she looked to him before their fight.
She was happy.
She was smiling.
She asked him, ‘C’mon! Teach me another song on the guitar!’
Back then he’d have rolled his eyes and sighed, ‘But we do that every day!’ It was clear that he just wanted to be with her. He didn’t care if he taught her how to play every fucking song in the world, back then, he’d just wanted her.
“No,” He croaked, “You don’t. Stop. Stop now. Don’t think.”
Unfortunately, James was beyond verbal self-help.
Everything started running through his head. Her face. Her smile. Her eyes. Her eagerness. Her laugh. Her crying fits. The movies she liked to watch. Her sweatshirt. Her pillow. The way she left her toothbrush in the bottom of the sink. Her brush.
Her fucking brush!
James fell to the bathroom floor, and all of the grey around him seemed to melt together. He felt slightly claustrophobic but he was not about to leave this bathroom. Within the time span of fifteen seconds, it had become the scene of his mental break down.
And that was his revelation.
He realized.
“I miss you Kasey,” He mumbled so quietly, “I miss you so bad.”