Your Like Air To Me

I sat there on the edge of my bed, well our bed. I was trying very hard to remember to breath and not overanalyze the situation to come, because if I did, I knew I would change my decision. A decision I had been wrestling with for ages now, for too long. I knew if I thought about it again, even for just a split second; the look on his face or the pain in his eyes, I wouldn't be able to do what I needed to do. So I sat there, almost trying not to think while I breathed heavily in and out. I'd been waiting, what seemed an eternity, so I knew that he would be walking through that door in a matter of seconds. So I watched the door handle, still remembering to breathe, until I saw it jiggle.

As he stepped in, his eyes bright and his smile even brighter, I knew that I was going to have to fight myself to do what needed to be done. My room, damn I mean our room, never looked so good as it did when he was in it. He always made the wallpaper a little more vibrant and the pictures on the wall a little more alive when he was in the room. Just as I saw him see my suitcase, just as I saw the hurt take over his brown eyes, I almost felt the pain myself. Physical pain, that I wasn't aware that I could feel. He already knew what was going on, and was planning to fight against me, or with me; it depend on with part of me you were talking about. He swallowed hard, as did I. He walked close to me, and I felt somewhat light headed. I had forgotten my breathing technique, which meant I wasn't breathing at all. He was almost directly in front of me when I spoke.

"Kevin.." I trailed off in whisper, afraid that this would be the last time I could say his name without regret. I was peering up at him with my teary glass eyes, and he was hovering over me now.

"You said this wouldn't happen." He began, as I stood up and reached out to touch his face, but he flinched away. "You promise this wouldn't happen."

I did promise that I wasn't going to leave him. I swore to him I would never leave him, but I guess we both had broken some promises, now hadn't we?

"Kevin." I tried again, only to choke on my words that had closed up in my throat, causing a lump.

"You said you loved me." He reminded, fury flaring in his eyes. I've never seen him so angry, it almost made me cringe. His face was almost completely white, as I pictured mine must look as well. This wasn’t exactly the 'welcome home' party he had been hoping for.

"I do love you." I murmured helplessly, and I did love him. I feared I loved him too much, much to much for my own well being.

"When why?" He pleaded grimly. He waited with tense eyes for me to answer, but the lump in my throat rendered me speechless.

"Was it because of.." He took a deep breath. "her"

He didn't need to say her fail name, as if he even knew it. She was the one who probably started this, one mistake that quickly turned into a nightmare for me. I had found him with her that night, last month or so, alone together. He promised that she meant nothing, a glitch. That she had slipped passed the guard and somehow had gotten to his hotel room. That she some how had tricked him into the right position when I walked through the hotel room door. But as I said, promises had been broken. I couldn't tell you how bad it had crushed me. I couldn't tell anyone how much it crushed me, in fear of the humiliation that would come along with if anyone knew how much it hurt me. And that was pain I couldn’t bare.

"No." I had wanted that to come off as angry, but it only sounded pathetic when I spoke it out loud. Kevin was not buying my act.

"I told you-"

"Kevin" I stopped him, he starred back at me with a cold eyes. "I can't do it anymore. I can sit around and wait for you any longer. This is your dream, not mine. Do you understand?"

"I understand, you aren't happy with me because you think I cheater." He words distinct and hard as stone. I didn't quite understand his answer at first.

"You know I'm happy with you, too happy." I grimaced in memory of all our good times together.

"The problem isn't me being happy with you, it's me not being happy without you. I can't do it anymore, and I don't believe you are a cheater." I would had sounded halfway convincing if at the end I didn’t shake my words, it was ominous that I was lying when I said I don’t believe you are a cheater. It was obvious that I did think he cheated on me with that girl in the hotel room, and it burned him to the core.

"No! I swear to you nothing happened. She came in while I was coming out of the shower with my towel still on, and she pushed me on the bed. She must of known you coming or she wouldn't had placed my hand in that compromising position, so quickly." Kevin shouted, furious to say the least. I shut my eyes tightly, feeling the tears roll now my crimson cheeks.

"I don't- I don't believe you." I shuttered, my words jagged and ruff. Kevin's mouth twisted a bit as his chin trembled, I had never actually told him I didn't believe him, but I also had never tried leaving him before. So this was all fresh and new, like a bloody wound.

"Why?" He asked firm, his eyes solid and his face unreadable. I had forgotten to breath again, but the new found breath that I inhaled gave me strength.

"Why not?" I challenged him, also something new. I had never done before. Kevin took a few moments before he spoke.

"Why don't you believe me? Because it's to hard not to? Or because it's so much simpler to believe a lie, than it is to believe the truth? Admit it, Cheyenne, your weak" His words dung into me like a mole into the dirt.

"Weak" I repeated, my tone much more stronger and heartier than before. "You sleep with some groupie and I'm weak?"

"Your weak because you looking for an easy way out. You think it's hard being here alone when I'm off on tour? Try being surrounded by millions of beautiful women who are pulling off your cloths and telling them no. And no, I don't tell them no because of the stupid ring. " Kevin began, referencing to his purity ring on his fourth finger, on his left hand. "It's knowing if I ever even thought about being with someone other than you, which I can't ever see myself doing, that it would hurt you. You knew that there would be girls out there trying to ruin us, but yet, you still believe that I cheated. But I don't think you honestly think that."

"You know I didn't cheat on you, you know that girl in that hotel room was just some crazed fan trying to get her 15 minutes of god damn fame. You just want an excuse to walk out on me, you needed some kind of reason to bail because it's getting hard, like we knew it would. You got it hard, yes, but I have it much harder. I love you more than." He huffed an mad puff of air out his nose. "I love you more than anything. Can't you see that? If I didn't, do you think I would drag you along like this? Yes I realize I’m being selfish, making you stay be hide here but still asking you to love me as much as if I was always with you. But your like air to me, Chey, I can't live with out you."

As the tears began to stroll more fluently out of my eyes, and my heart felt like it had stopped beating, I realized I had misunderstood. I was taking the easy way out, I didn’t believe he cheated on me, but the fact that I was having to pay the price for him to be famous was getting tuff and I wanted out. Only, until now, I didn't know that it wasn't an option. I loved him and it was clear that he loved me too, so why was I running? Running from what? Kevin Jonas? My soul mate in life, my reason for being? It sounded stupid now that I thought about it.

"Ohh Kevin." I sobbed, jumping into his sturdy arms. "I'm soo sorry."

As I cried, freely letting the tears fall where ever they may, Kevin rubbing my hair. He kissed the top of my head, and hushed me. It must have been a good 10 minutes before my weeping and howling died down. The tears had seemed to stop, at least for now. I pulled back from Kevin's protective grasp.

"I'm sorry I-" He put his warm index finger to my wet lips.

"Don't apologize anymore." He instructed, smiling for the first time since he saw my bag. I grinned at him, also for the first time. I peered at his face carefully, it was just a beautiful as it always had been. I made sure to gaze into his eyes last, for I knew as soon as I did, I would be lost in them. He stared at me quietly, and brushed his finger away from my lips. He leaned into my face, and I breathed in his breath, it was sweet and warm. I tried to calculate if it had always smelled this good but my thoughts were cut short as he pushed his full lips onto mine. I had missed his kisses most of all. I had to force myself off his gorgeous lips to say.

"I'm glade your back."

He smirked deeply, wrapping his arms around my waste. He nodded in agreement and kissed me again. Although, Kevin did make our room look better when he was in it, it looked ten times better when we were in it together.