Distance

"I'm fine, Mom. I'm just gonna spend the night at Tre's... Yes, I know ... Alright ... Alright, fine. Bye."

I hung up my phone and laid back on the bed. My mother was so fucking stupid it made me sick, but I didn't want to think about that right now. Tre and Danica were somewhere, somewhere else, and I didn't want to go looking for them. Despite the growling in my empty stomach, or the ache in my joints, I flatly refused to leave the bed.

Closing my eyes, I made myself focuse on trying to forget what I'd seen in the hallway. Tried to make myself stop hating Tre for touching Danica, or hate myself for not stopping it.

And I tried to pretend it didn't hurt when I thought of her telling Tre she wanted to be with him.

I heard a car exit the driveway with a screech of wheels. Probably Tre taking Danica home, I realized, and relaxed against the pillows.

Maybe I'll just go home...

Then I heard a soft knock on the door, and a creak as it opened.

Danica.

* * *

I lay still, eyes closed, breathing slow and even. I forced himself not to move as she settled herself beside me on the bed.

"God, Billie, you're so fucked up." She whispered.

I felt her fingers slide smoothly across my cheek, up my jawline, to run through my hair. She was smoothing it back, away from my face.

"I...I know I don't feel the same way about Tre as I do about you. And sex with him..."

She sighed, and I could almost picture her expression, that frustrated furrow in her brow, the soft flush of her cheeks. She was probably biting her lip...

I banished that thought before it could summon up visions of other, dirtier things.

"It wasn't bad, but it wasn't the same. When you..." She paused, and I knew she was blushing. "Billie, I don't know what you and I have. I can't explain it. But I'm just fucking drawn to you."

Her voice was husky, probably with tears.

"God, you just keep hurting me. And I'm so fucking stupid, because I still love you so goddamn much." She whispered.

Then she kissed me, slow and tender, and I felt her tears on my face and her body pressed against mine.

And I felt a huge sob welling up inside of me, because I just couldn't shake the feeling that this would be the very last time I would ever get to feel her lips against mine.

* * *

"So. You and Tre?" Mike asked. Danica shrugged.

I just sat there like a fucking lump. Lunch had never been so awkward.

Mike was still pissed. I could just tell. We didn't laugh together anymore, didn't joke around. But we were still best friends, and he cared about me too much to just abandon me.

And Danica...I think me and her were just pretending nothing had ever happened. Trying to go back to just being bestest best friends like before.

But Goddamn it, all I wanted to do was grab her and kiss her until we both ran out of oxygen.

"When did this happen?" I asked, glad that my voice came out with just the right amount of joking interest.
"Saturday afternoon." She replied. "You were passed out."
"Damn it. I miss everything."

I had never been so relieved to see her smile.

"You do. Stupid." She said, and slid closer to me to take a bite out of my sandwhich.

"So where is your lady love anyways?" Mike asked. "I need to talk to him about getting his drum kit into the practice space."

Danice shrugged again, her mouth full. She swallowed, nearly choked, laughed at her own ridiculousness and answered Mike's question.

"I saw him this morning when he drove me here. But I have no idea if he actually stayed here as well."

Then a very familiar pair of hands slipped over her eyes and pulled her backwards, away from me.

Tre's lips came down and covered Danica's, and I wanted to gouge my eyes out with the nearest spoon.

"I stayed today, sunshine. I did promise."
"She got you into school?" Mike asked, shocked. "Goddamn, Danie. Can you pull that shit with band practice too?"

We all laughed together.

If you'd been standing off to the side, you'd think we were all best friends. Danica with Tre's arm slung casually over her shoulder. Mike making grotesque faces, illustrating an amusing story about his first period class. And me, adding in my own witty remarks here and there.

Only I should be given a fucking Academy Award, because every smile, every laugh was completely fake.

Inside, I was dying slowly.