Distance

I looked like shit on Monday, when I turned up at school for the first time in weeks.

And, just my luck, the first people I ran into was Tre and Danica.

Tre had her slammed up against a locker, holding her wrists over her head as he smiled down at her. She was giggling, she looked happy. And the soft murmur of Tre's voice reached my ears as his lips sought her's.

'...never hurt you...love you...not going anywhere...

I stood there, feeling awkward, all the air knocked out of my lungs. I knew I was gawking.

Before either of them saw me, I spun on my heel and strode outside.

I needed a cigarette.

* * *

"Nice to have you back, Mr. Armstrong." Mrs. Farre said sarcastically. "How was your vacation?"

I didn't have the energy to think up a sarcastic remark, so I just dropped into my seat next to Danica.

I saw her swallow, clear her throat. She obviously wanted to say something, but I just didn't give a fuck. I pulled my headphones out, and started to put them on.

Then I felt her cool fingers on the bare skin of my arm. I swear, it was almost as if she'd burned me. I froze, and then made the mistake of looking at her.

God, when had she gotten so gorgeous?

"Billie..." She whispered. "Please...talk to me."

I swallowed the lump on my throat, almost choked on it. I couldn't think straight. Just looking at her was intoxicating me.

I had to get out.

Being near her was physically hurting me, and I didn't quite know why. I jerked my arm away from her and strode out of the room.

She'd followed me, and just being alone with her made me flashback to the locker room, to the quiet, to the way her eyes had filled with tears. I shook my head, trying to block it out.

"Please Billie." She begged.
"I think we've said everything that can be said, Danie." I said quietly. My voice sounded choked, hoarse from disuse.
"But..." Her eyes glistened. "Billie, this can't be the end of everything."
"Danica. What I did to you...I should be shot. And everytime I get near you, I know you remember it, and I know it hurts you."
"Bill-"
"I'm sick of hurting you." I cut her off.

Suddenly, she was angry, on her feet as well. Eyes flashing, face flushing with fury.

"THIS. This right here is hurting me!" She snapped. "You keep pushing me away, and I have to watch you put yourself on fucking self-destruct because you can't deal. You almost killed youself on Saturday, and you can't even begin to understand how that makes me feel! Why the fuck don't you grow some balls and deal with your mistakes?"

There was a short silence. I stared at her, digesting what she'd said.

Then I did the only thing I could think of doing, and it was probably not the smartest move.

"Maybe I don't fucking want to deal." I hissed, my face inches from her's.
"Pussy." She shot back.

I can't explain my next action. I really can't. I knew it wouldn't help anything at all. If nothing else, it would just make things worse. But I did it anyways.

I shoved Danica up against the locker, held her wrists above her head. Exactly the way Tre had done it earlier, only this time, there was an electricity about us, a spark of passion and fire.

"You want me to deal? Fine." I spat.

And I kissed her. I kissed her hard, felt our teeth grinding, bodies pressed together. Her breath quickened, coming in short gasps. I wanted to lay her down on the tile and screw her now, and I knew if I didn't break away right now, then that's probably where this would end up.

So I yanked myself away from her, feeling my lips tingle.

"Now you fucking deal with that." I snapped.

I was definately not prepared for the sharp slap that cracked across my face.

"SHIT, Danica, what the fuck?!" I cried out.
"Don't ever fucking do that to me. What if Tre walked over right then?" She demanded.

She had a point. And Tre wouldn't hesitate a second. I knew he'd break my jaw for just looking at her.

"Billie, we had our chance. I'm with Tre now." She told me. I thought she sounded sad.
"Danica...Tre?" I asked.
"He takes care of me..." She said, sounding unconvinced herself.
"You don't care about him...he doesn't have the same spark...I can tell." I was lying, but hey. I knew she had doubts about her relationship.

"It doesn't matter, Bill." She said softly. "Because he never used me, never makes me cry. He loves me."
"Danie...I hate to break it to you. But at some point, Tre will hurt you. And then what'll you do? Screw Mike?"

I saw her jaw jut out stubbornly.

"Maybe I fucking will." She snapped.

Then she turned and stalked back into the classroom.

I sighed. Time for another cigarette.