Distance

[ Three Weeks Later ]

Borders Bookstore. I went there to find inner peace, to sort myself out. I liked the quiet, liked the peacefulness of the store.

You could lose yourself there.

I was prowling the shelves, a biography of the Rolling Stones and what appeared to be a promising novel clutched to my chest when I bumped smack into another shopper.

I heard her shocked gasp as our selected books shot out of our hands and scattered to the floor. Hot coffee scalded my legs, and I cursed silently. My hands shot out and grabbed her instinctively, keeping her from falling.

And then I smelt her perfume.

Couldn't be...

"Hey, Billie." She said weakly, and I looked down into Danica's beautiful brown eyes.

I forgot to breathe, almost, as I struggled for a response.

She looked twice as beautiful as she had the last time I'd seen her. Somehow, she'd outgrown the grungy, punk look, and evolved into something more elegant, more sophistacted. It was low-key, but classy, more polished. She wore a simple white peasant skirt, and a fitted brown t-shirt. Her skin gleamed in the fleouresncent lights. Her eyes lasered into mine, bold in the absence of the heavy shadow.

She wasn't moving away, allowing me to hold her as close as I wanted. I was vaguely aware that if I kept squeezing her arms like that, I'd bruise the hell out of them, but I just wanted to make sure she was real.

"Hey, Danie." I whispered. She smiled her little half smile, and detached herself gently from my grip.
"I didn't know you ever came in here." She said, taking her books from me.
"I... I like the quiet." I answered honestly.

Her giggle was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

"I haven't seen you in ages. I miss you." She told me, punching my arm playfully.

Don't joke around like that, please don't joke around like that.

"How've you been?" I ask, keeping my voice casually neutral.
"I'm alright." She replied, shrugging a little.

I wondered idly if this was half as awkward for her as it was for me. It was probably worse.

"That's good. Still seeing Tre?"
"Yeah. He's a good boyfriend, he really is..."

We were dancing expertly around the questions we really wanted to ask, the answers we really wanted to hear.

"Since when do you wear skirts?" I asked, smiling playfully. She laughed, punching me lightly.
"Since it's almost ninety degrees out and I'm too hot."

Got that right.

"Well, I guess you wouldn't want to go get some coffee with me?" I joked, trying to cover up disappointment.
"Who said that?" She replied, almost too quickly. "Just come to the bathroom with me quick, so I can-"
"Wait. What?"

Alright, Danica and I had... Well, we used to be close. But never once had she asked me to accompany her to the restroom. Ever.

"Billie, I need you to hold my books while I use the facilities." She told me, grabbing my wrist and dragging me along behind her.

Her touch was like goddamn fire. But I didn't want her to let go of me, so I followed her obediently. She dumped her books into my arms and vanished inside. I leaned against the water fountain, humming a little tune as I settled myself.

And then my cell phone vibrated.

"Who the fuck is texting me?" I muttered.

It was from Danica.

"What...?"

Wanna play follow the leader?, The message read.

And then her meaning became entirely clear. I dropped the books to the floor and slipped inside the woman's bathroom, locking the door behind me.

She was kissing me before I'd even turned back around.

* * *

I slammed her up against the side of the stall, sliding my hands up her legs as she moaned. Her hands slid along the waistband of my Dickies, searching frantically for my belt buckle.

I couldn't wait for her to figure it out. Taking her lips into my own, kissing her forcefully enough to make her gasp in surprise, I ripped my belt off. I undid my zipper one-handed, my other hand pulling her underwear down her thighs.

When our bodies connected, she arched herself against me, moaning, whispering little nonsense words against my skin. We moved together slowly, passionately, as if we'd been doing this for years.

I knew every curve of her body, knew how to make her squeal. It was strange, considering that we'd only had sex once. But we fit together perfectly, and afterwards we leaned breathlessly against the cool tile wall, listening to each others' heartbeats.

"Billie..." She whispered. "I didn't think of... God."

I knew exactly what she meant.

"He can't find out, Danie. I hate to put you in this position, but he beat the shit out of me for kissing you. He'll slit my throat if he finds out about this."

She started trembling slightly, and pressed herself close to me.

"Does that mean..." She paused, probably trying to think of a good way to express herself without pissing me off.

"Say what you need to say, Danie. I'll understand."
"Billie, Tre gives me what you can't. He gives me stability, and love, and he protects me. He makes me laugh. He loves me. And god, I need that right now. I need someone to depend on. I can't take another string of meaningless, empty hookups, I just can't. I'll self-destruct if I try."

She paused, and I said nothing, waiting quietly as I stroked her hair.

"But..." And my heart leapt in my chest. "For some, stupid reason, I still want you. When I see you, I smile. When you touch me, I get chills. Every time we kiss, its an adrenaline rush. There are sparks. There aren't sparks with Tre..."

She sighed quietly, and kissed my neck softly.

"I guess what I'm saying is, I'm a selfish little bitch, and I want both of you." She kissed my neck again. "But, most of all, I don't want this to end."

I should have done the right thing. I should have told her that this was a one time deal, and she needed to sort herself out before she came back to me.

But, in my mind, I was just as fucked up as she was, and who was I to tell her to do anything?

And, honestly, I just needed to be near her.

"This... It doesn't need to end, Danie."

Her eyes flashed up to mine, full of hope.

"We just need to be very careful, very careful. And, eventually, you'll have to decide what you want."
"When's eventually?"

I smirked a little bit, deciding to give her a small part of the truth.

"Whenever Tre finds out."

* * *

I wish I'd remembered band practice before I'd gone and screwed Danica. Having to sit in a large room with Mike, Tre and plenty of heavy objects with this type of secret hanging over my head was pure torture.

"You guys just wanna jam?" I asked hopefully.

And, to my absolute surprise, Tre picked up a spare acoustic and sat down next to me.

"Sure."

He started playing the Twelve Bar Blues, which was my cue to pull a melody out of my ass. My fingers found the C Pentatonic scale, and I began to play a slow, steady melody.

Mike laid down beside us on his back, balancing the tape recorder on his stomach. He closed his eyes, and I know he was probably thinking up some little ditty that I could sing over this, should we decide to make it into something more than a time-waster.

Tre and I carried one for what felt like hours. I forgot about breathing, forgot about all the fights, forgot about Danica, forgot about how her body felt against mine. Everything fell to the wayside, and music became the center of everything.

* * *

"Billie. I..." Tre scuffed his sneaker against the sidewalk.

I took a long drag on my cigarette, and then blew a smoke ring, patiently waiting for whatever Tre had to say.

"I'm sorry, for how I acted in the locker room. I... I didn't need to do that." He said quietly.

God. Why the fuck did he have to go and apologize? Why? Now I felt like even more of an asshole, because not only had I fucked his girlfriend today, I intended to do it in three hours, in the bed that he'd probably slept with her in. The bed that he would probably fuck her in many more times, depending on how long their relationship lasted.

Shit. I should tell him everything right now.

But when I looked at his face, so open and apologetic in the dim glow of the streetlights, I just couldn't bring myself to admit my betrayal.

So I smiled at him, slapped his shoulder playfully.

"Tre, it's fine man. I know I'd do that same thing if it was my girlfriend. But you've got nothing to worry about man. She loves you."

Tre smiled sadly.

"Sometimes, I really wonder. I think that's why I flipped on you, Billie. I was scared that she loved you better than me."

Something shifted when he said that. Tre knew Danica didn't love him the way he wanted her to. And Tre knew that she probably loved me that way. And he'd seen the sparks when we touched, saw the way she tensed when I put my arms around her. He felt threatened.

He was scared of me.

This realization didn't really help anything, because I'm vaguely sure that all the color drained out of my face when the thought hit me. But I tried my best to play it off.

"Tre, she couldn't love me. I fucked her over good. And things aren't ever going to be the same between us."

Got that right.

My friend nodded, comforted by my half truths. And I stepped back into the shadows, taking a long drag on my cigarette and wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into.