Distance

The hospital kept me there for three days, in which time I went slowly and quietly insane from boredom.

But when the nurse came in and briskly detangled my arms and torso from the various tubes and wires, and handed me the change of clothes Ollie had dropped off, I felt a strange lack of excitement.

I had a suspicion that it was because there was no one out there waiting for me. I had to find my own way home. I was being discharged at noon. Ollie was working, Mike was at school. And I absolutely did not want to get into a car with Tre.

A small part of me was pissed. Where the fuck was Danica? Why wasn't she here to pick me up?

Because she doesn't give a shit about you. Because you're a cheap fuck, and people don't cut out of school and risk suspension for a cheap fuck.

The thought hurt more than I'd expected. At that exact moment, I promised myself I wasn't going to wait around anymore. If Danica didn't have the common sense to pick me over Tre, then screw her. I wasn't going to be a substitute for her whenever Tre was too busy.

That took some getting used to. I shuddered, imagining her face when I broke that news. With a sigh, I stripped off his hospital gown and began dressing.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I completely missed the soft click of the door opening and closing, and the quiet footsteps as a stranger entered the room.

***

"Well, don't you look pretty."

My heart completely stopped.

Jordan was leaning against the wall, wrapped in a long black jacket, a pair of destroyed jeans and a collared white shirt worn under an oversized purple sweater patterned with green and brown triangles. The ring in his lip shone silver, while the stud in his eyebrow gleamed out from the shadows.

"Jesus Christ." I muttered. "Good to see you too, Jordan."

He chuckled and leapt onto the hospital bed, sprawling carelessly across it.

"I'm here to spring you, Billie-boy." He told me cheerfully, flipping onto his stomach and playing with his lighter.

I was confused. Me and Jordan, we hadn't spoken since...well, since I'd fucked him and he'd left right afterwards without saying goodbye.

I think I might have been a little screwed up from being kept in one room for more then twelve hours, because I asked him why he was here.

Jordan looked down, flicking his lighter open and shut. Then he looked up at me, and his expression was open and honest.

"I...I heard Tre and Mike talking a couple days ago...about how you wouldn't have anyone to come pick you up."

He paused, swallowed nervously, then gave me a small smile.

"I didn't think you should have to catch a bus home by yourself." He said quietly.

It was a fucking nice thing to do, and I was caught off guard despite myself.

"How'd you get out of class?" I asked, knowing how hard it was to get out of class without a legititmate reason. Jordan laughed.
"I didn't. I never showed up for school today."
"You'll get in-school suspension." I told him, tugging on my jeans.
"Meh. It wouldn't be terrible. It's actually kinda of relaxing in there."

We both laughed, and fell into a sort of easy silence as I finished dressing. The second I'd laced up my Converse, Jordan bounced quickly off the bed and grabbed my wrist.

"Let's go, Billie-boy."

***

Jordan's car smelled terrific, like a pleasant mixture of sweat, pot smoke and cologne. Billie inhaled it, smiling a little. Jordan's car smelt like security, and safety, and comfort and strength and a million other good things.

The car's owner dropped heavily into the driver's seat and gunned the engine. He threw me a winning smile.

"I like Nirvana." He said, turning the stereo up. I laughed. At this point, I was just excited to hear music again.

"I live-" I began, ready to direct him to my house, but he waved my words away.
"The way I figure, if I'm going get suspended, I wanna make this count. So let's go get lunch, see a movie, check out the Supply Shop, have a good time."

All morning, I'd been thinking about getting home and crashing in my own bed, but suddenly, spending the day with Jordan didn't seem so bad.

"That sounds fucking amazing. After living off that shit the hospital called food, I'd eat anything."
"Human flesh?"
"Fuck yeah." I laughed. "Come to think of it, I think I did!"

Then Jordan ran a red light, eliciting indignant honks that only made us laugh harder.

***

We wound up in the park, sprawled under the oak tree. Wind rattled the branches of the enourmous tree. It wasn't freezing cold, but my hoodie wasn't the warmest thing in the world. I was shivering so hard my teeth were chattering.

Jordan gave me a concerned glance.

"You okay? You wanna go back to the car?"
"Fuck no. I wanna be outside."
"Billie, you're almost blue."
"I'm fine." I said stubbornly.

Jordan propped himself up on his elbow, staring at me intensely. Our faces were inches apart.

"You're cold."

He's got such a beautiful face.

"So? I don't care." I replied. My voice sounded funny.
"But I do."

He shrugged out of his jacket, and offered it to me. I stared, looking first at him, and then at the jacket.

"Jordan-"
"You're shivering like a motherfucker. Put this on."

Suddenly, his hands were on me, wrapping me firmly in the cloth. I was forcefully reminded of Tre and Danica, Mike and Chrissy, almost every couple I'd ever seen in the winter. And the thought didn't repulse me.

Which is why I let my hands move up to his waist, as he hovered inches from my face, hands still gently closing the coat over my chest.

Maybe I was being selfish. Maybe I just wanted someone to care about me like Mike cared about Chrissy, like Tre cared about Danica. Maybe I just wanted to spite Danica. Or maybe there was a part of me that wanted to find out what it would be like to kiss Jordan in the park in the sunshine.

I reached up and, very gently, pressed my lips to his, moving my hand from his hip to his neck as I pulled him downwards. Jordan's lips parted and I almost sighed. He tasted good.

Then, all at once, Jordan stiffened, pulling away from me.

I almost burst into tears of frustration, I could feel my eyes water. I turned away from him.

"Sorry." I said in a low voice.

Jordan sighed.

"It's not your fault, Bill. I just shouldn't be doing this, not with you."
"I don't understand why the fuck not."
"Because we've hooked up before, Billie-boy. And I'm fucking through with one-night stands."

I paused.

This wasn't a game anymore. This wasn't friends with benefits, or a cheap fuck, or a casual love affair. This was real. There were feelings and emotions mixed with an intensity that scared me. I could fuck Jordan up, I really could.

But there was an entire part of me that disregarded that information as if it had never been processed.

"What if this wasn't going to be a one-night stand?" I looked over at him, my eyes wide and open.

He chuckled.

"If you're offering a relationship here, Billie, a real fucking boyfriend-boyfriend relationship, it would be fantastic. But I know you're in love with Danica, and I'm not going to be her stand-in."

I reached over, put my hand on his cheek.

"I'm done with her. She's been using me, and I'm sick of it." I paused, wondering how much I should reveal to him.

Fuck it.

"I want someone to look at me like you do."

Jordan looked down at the grass, pulling a few strands out. The wind ruffled his mohawk a little as the sun glinted off his earrings. He seemed to be arguing with himself as he toyed with a leaf. I licked my lips nervously.

"Say something, goddamnit." I begged before I'd even realized my lips were moving.

Jordan looked up and smiled.

"Come here." He told me, and opened his arms.

I felt like my heart would explode from relief, and I snuggled up against him. He smelled like his car, and it made me feel at peace.

"Where do you wanna go after this?" Jordan asked idly, as we watched the clouds sweep by.
"Can we just stay here until the stars come out?"

My request surprised him, I think, because he didn't answer right away. But when he did, I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Course we can, love." He said quietly.

I felt a pang, realizing that he did care about me. And I made up my mind that I wasn't going to touch Danica again, not ever. Not until Jordan and I were ancient history, and she'd left Tre. Then maybe, maybe, I'd consider walking down the street holding her hand.

And, as Jordan placed a soft kiss on my temple, I made a promise to myself that I would never do to him what Maria and Danica had done to me. I wasn't going to fuck with his head, or use him, or make him feel like shit.

I'd do things right this time.