Distance

I returned home to three missed voicemails, and a note from Ollie.

Billie,
Anna didn't come in today, so I'm picked up her shift. There's $20 in the usual place, order a pizza.
I'm so happy you're home. I promise tomorrow, I'll make you a nice dinner.

Love, Mom

I rolled my eyes and shoved the twenty into my pocket. Jordan had taken me for fast food, which suited me fine. I turned my attention to the answering machine.

"And whose behind door number one..."

Hey, Billie, it's me...Danica. Listen, I'm sorry I couldn't come get you today, Tre wanted...well, I was busy. Call me when you get this."

"Huh. And number two..."

Hey, it's me. Where are you?...It's five, I just got back from work. If you're home, I could come over...Well...Call me when you get this."

"And behind door number three..."

Hey, Billie, it's me again...Maybe I got the days wrong and you're supposed the be released tomorrow....Whatever. I've got free time, and if you want me to come over, call me when you get this and I'll get Tre to drop me off."

I sighed. This was not going to be pleasant at all. I grabbed the phone, hit redial. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"
"Hey, Dani."
"Jesus, Billie. I was so worried. Where are you?"
"I'm home now." I replied, wincing internally. I could hear the worry in her voice.
"God. I thought maybe I'd gotten the dates wrong."
"Nah."

There was a short pause. I knew she was uncomfortable.

"So...How did you get home?"

Shit. The million-dollar question.

"Dani, come over. I'll explain everything to you here."
"Explain?"
"Just come over. Ollie's working. I'm gonna order pizza."
"Kay."

She hung up, but I knew her mind was racing, thinking of a million different things, probably not half as bad as what I was about to tell her.

***

She wasn't even inside the door before she wrapped me in a giant bear hug. I tried to ignore the way she pressed her hips against mine, tried to ignore the subtly suggestions she was making.

I could bet that I knew what Danica wanted to do later.

"You look great." She said with a smile, and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

But I saw the way her eyes lingered on the small scars scattered across my face, and the bandage on my right arm. I sighed quietly, and took her hand.

"Danica...we need to talk."

Her face fell. I felt my stomach clench into knots. My heart fluttered anxiously in my chest, and I wanted to throw up, I was so nervous.

"Alright, sure." She replied, letting me lead her to the couch.

God. I was such a bastard. God. She looked so innocent, although we both knew she wasn't. And she was nervous, she could sense that something was coming. She sat stiffly on the couch cushions, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Danica...Jordan came to get me from the hospital."
"Billie, I don't care if you two hooked up-" She began, drawing her own conclusions from that statement.
"We..."

I paused, looking at her. She was biting her lip nervously, watching me.

"What? What did you do?"
"Dani..." I took a deep breath, trying to steel myself for what I had to do. "Dani, we can't do this anymore."
"What does Jordan have to do-"
"Can you please just listen to me?!" I snapped, nerves finally getting the best of me. She fell silent.

"You and me...Dani, we've been sneaking around for almost two months now. And...this isn't right."
"Billie, none of that bothered you at all last week, when you had me-"

I held up a hand, stopping her accusations.

"But it bothers me now. I saw how Tre acted in the hospital room. He cares so much about you. It would kill him, kill him if he found out about this. Especially because he apologized to me for how he acted in the locker room back in January."

She stared at me, her eyes cold and calculating.

"There's something else...something else here."

I couldn't avoid this at all. I sighed, wishing to whatever god was listening that I'd never gotten involved with her. Or maybe I was wishing that I lived in a world where I could have gotten completely involved with her, and could have been with her, in a boyfriend sort of way. But that couldn't happen, I guess, and I had to let it go.

"Yes. Jordan and I...we're together now."

Her reaction was quick and furious, coming in the form of a stining slap to my still-bruised face.

"You bastard!" She screamed, drawing her hand back to slap me again.

I grabbed it as we both rose up off the couch. She made an admirable attempt to smack me with her right hand, but I was quick enough to wrap my fingers around her wrist.

"Danica, listen to me!" I bellowed, and she stilled. "Do you honestly think this is right, you and me?"
"It doesn't have to be right!" She shrieked, then quieted, realizing her words.

I dropped her wrists, stepping away from her.

"How can you be so selfish?" I asked quietly. "Tre...he treats you so well. And you treat him like shit. You don't even care about him at all, do you?"
"I care." She said defensively.
"I have a chance for real happiness here. To have someone who really does care about me, and who would see me as a real person, not as a cheap fuck in the Barnes and Noble restroom."

Her face colored and she looked away. I kept going.

"But my relationship with Jordan is irrelevant. I made up my mind when I found out that you wouldn't cut out of class, wouldn't leave Tre, for ten minutes to come pick me up from the hospital, even though we're supposed to be friends. Jordan and I, we weren't even on speaking terms when he showed up. He took a risk, he cared enough to come get me and take me out. You didn't. You left messages on my voicemail, so what? You and I both know I rarely take my cell phone anywhere.
"Whatever we had, I'll miss it, if you decide you never want to see me again. But I need this, Dani. I need a relationship with someone who gives a shit about me."
"And I don't?" She asked, her voice soft and hurt.
"I'm not saying you never did. But the second you decided you wanted to use me as your spare boyfriend, you stopped caring about me the same way."

"Well...can we...you know...one last time? Please?" She looked up at me hopefully. I sighed.

"Danica, I'm sorry. But I promised myself I wouldn't hurt Jordan the way you hurt me. So the most I can give you is a good bye hug."

It was a mistake. It really was a mistake, letting her get that close. But I could see how much I'd hurt her, and I wanted to fix it. So I opened up my arms to her, and let her nestle her head into me shoulders.

But she had other ideas. She wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me close, and ground her hips against my...area, as she drew my head down to throughly French kiss me.

Oh, fuck.

I shoved her away angrily, wishing I didn't have the taste of her lingering on my lips.

"Danica!"

She just shook her head at me, and vanished out the door.