Distance
Unsafe.
"Are we gonna do anything tonight?" Danica asked, rolling over on the bed.
I sighed.
"I've told you three times I'm going out for drinks with the guys."
"With Jordan?" She asked quietly.
I shifted position to look her in the eyes. She'd tensed up, bracing herself. With a shock, I realized that she was anticipating a fight, she thought I was cheating. The thought stung, even though there had been more than a few instances in which it was touch and go with Jordan, when only the presence of Mike and Tre had kept us apart.
"Danie, I know what you're thinking."
"God, I hate when you do that. You don't know what I'm thinking, Billie, and I hate that you presume to tell me that you do."
I rolled onto my back and put my hands over my face so my next words came out muffled. "Then please, tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking that you've been out with them every night this week, and I'm sick of sitting here in this shithole apartment that we can barely afford because you guys haven't played a show in months and I got fired and I hate that I barely know you anymore. I never see you unless we're screwing, and even then you don't even really look at me."
A tear fell from her eye and she looked away, hiding her face behind a sheet of hair.
"I hate this." She whispered.
I lay still, feeling her pain, wondering what to do about it. Then I reached up and kissed her very gently on the cheek.
"I'll get a job at the bar tonight. I promise. And on Saturday we'll go get some paint and shit and make this place decent."
"Billie..."
"I promise. Things will change."
She curled up, looking at me seriously. Her tears had vanished, and now her eyes just looked dead.
"I hope they do, Billie. Because I can't live like this. Half the time I'm so lonely I could die, and the other half I'm too trashed to stand up. It's not...it's not the way I want to live, Bill."
"Then come out with us tonight. The guys would love to see you."
"Are you listening to a thing I'm saying? I don't want to go out and get trashed."
"Then don't. Just come out, have some fun. Mike and Tre've been asking for you, and Jordan says he barely remembers what you look like."
Danica smirked at the mention of Jordan.
"Oh, I'm sure he'll be dead pleased that I'm coming out with you guys."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Danica?" I snapped, infuriated despite myself.
"It means exactly what you think. He'd better keep away from you, or I'll kick his ass, no matter how much bigger he is than me."
I looked at her, then leapt out of bed.
"Get dressed. We'll be late."
I sighed.
"I've told you three times I'm going out for drinks with the guys."
"With Jordan?" She asked quietly.
I shifted position to look her in the eyes. She'd tensed up, bracing herself. With a shock, I realized that she was anticipating a fight, she thought I was cheating. The thought stung, even though there had been more than a few instances in which it was touch and go with Jordan, when only the presence of Mike and Tre had kept us apart.
"Danie, I know what you're thinking."
"God, I hate when you do that. You don't know what I'm thinking, Billie, and I hate that you presume to tell me that you do."
I rolled onto my back and put my hands over my face so my next words came out muffled. "Then please, tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking that you've been out with them every night this week, and I'm sick of sitting here in this shithole apartment that we can barely afford because you guys haven't played a show in months and I got fired and I hate that I barely know you anymore. I never see you unless we're screwing, and even then you don't even really look at me."
A tear fell from her eye and she looked away, hiding her face behind a sheet of hair.
"I hate this." She whispered.
I lay still, feeling her pain, wondering what to do about it. Then I reached up and kissed her very gently on the cheek.
"I'll get a job at the bar tonight. I promise. And on Saturday we'll go get some paint and shit and make this place decent."
"Billie..."
"I promise. Things will change."
She curled up, looking at me seriously. Her tears had vanished, and now her eyes just looked dead.
"I hope they do, Billie. Because I can't live like this. Half the time I'm so lonely I could die, and the other half I'm too trashed to stand up. It's not...it's not the way I want to live, Bill."
"Then come out with us tonight. The guys would love to see you."
"Are you listening to a thing I'm saying? I don't want to go out and get trashed."
"Then don't. Just come out, have some fun. Mike and Tre've been asking for you, and Jordan says he barely remembers what you look like."
Danica smirked at the mention of Jordan.
"Oh, I'm sure he'll be dead pleased that I'm coming out with you guys."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Danica?" I snapped, infuriated despite myself.
"It means exactly what you think. He'd better keep away from you, or I'll kick his ass, no matter how much bigger he is than me."
I looked at her, then leapt out of bed.
"Get dressed. We'll be late."