Friday, I'm In Love

Sunday
Cass wakes me up just in time to throw on my church clothes and make my hair look reasonable. Cass is usually done by the time I wake up and gets impatient because she’s the one in charge of the key. I wonder who’s in charge of the key in your room; you or Frank? I bet it’s you; you seem like the responsible one out of the two of you. Whenever I see Frank he’s always really happy, a massive grin on his face as he dances around the halls of Brookside without a care in the world. I wish I could be as happy as that.

“Oh my God, Phoebe! Hurry up!” Cass screams from the doorway, no doubt earning weird looks from passers by, “Go!”

“I’m coming!” I cry, grabbing my bag and rushing out the room, waiting outside for Cass, watching as her skilled hands lock the door.

“Congratulations, you beat your own record for latest person for church!” she said.

“Score!” I giggled, “You know I love the backseats.”

You probably wouldn’t know, because you’re always on time but if you’re late for church you have to sit at the back, as a sort of punishment. It’s really a blessing since the priest has a spitting problem. I feel for the early birds who have the privilege of sitting in the front seats.

I slump in the pews of the church and look over the heads of my fellow students in search of you. All the bitterness I felt yesterday seemed to go away when I saw redhead girl bitching about you in the girl’s common room. Apparently you didn’t want to kiss her after all, “He obviously had some other girl on his mind because I was trying to kiss him and he actually pushed me away!” she cried incredulously to Tiffany Andrews who nodded and ‘Mmm-ed’ at all the right places, but I could tell Tiffany couldn’t care less what you did to redhead. She’s head over heels for your brother and he couldn’t be more oblivious. I suppose I’ve forgiven you.

Sure enough I see your mop of mousy brown hair and smile; you’re sitting next to Frank again, back straight and you actually look like you’re paying attention which is odd since you’re next to Frank and he never listens in church. He’s way too fidgety to stay still for two whole hours.

Knowing that church isn’t going to get much better than this, I brace myself for the next two hours of complete boredom. I just can’t wait to get out of this hell hole…

♣

My hands were practically shaking with anticipation when we were let out. I couldn’t wait to go and see my mom but I couldn’t help but wonder what you’ll be up to on you day of freedom… Maybe you’ll be visiting your own mother; I know she loves you a lot. It’s depressing isn’t it? That I’ve spoken to your mother and yet I still haven’t spoken to you.

“You must be very proud of your sons, Mrs Way,” I said, as I stood next to your mother at the Christmas concert last year as I watched you on stage with your band playing the bass. A huge elated feeling erupted in my chest and I couldn’t help but feel proud of you.

“Yes, Gerard is a beautiful singer and Mikey is just… well he’s full of surprises,” her eyes twinkled as she spoke so fondly of them, her hands pressed tightly against her chest as she watched the show.

“He is,” I sighed, I knew too well how full of surprises you are.

“So, ugh…”

“Phoebe.”

“Phoebe, that’s a pretty name for a pretty girl, how do you know my sons?”

I blushed, “I’m in some of Mikey’s classes…”

“Ah,” she grinned, “He’s not too much trouble is he?”

“Oh, no!” I cried emphatically, “He’s really good in class!” I always fight your corner…

“Ah, that’s good, well, I’m glad he has such lovely friends as you, Phoebe. Feel free to come to our house anytime you like,” she smiled. She has a lovely smile, you know, it reaches her eyes and crinkles at the edges. She’s a beautiful woman.

“Phoebe?” Cass always jerks me back to reality.

“Huh?”

“You ready to go?” she says and I smile, elated, nodding vigorously as I jump out of my seat, “God, calm down!”

But she’s used to it now, you see, I’m always excited after church. The very prospect of being out of this school for an hour or two is extremely appetising.

We walk and talk and I’m not even looking out for you as I usually am, I’m busy for once since my glasses just broke when Cass walked into me and I fell on my face, so I can’t really see but Cass says she can fix them so I stand in the chilly air of the school yard, clinging onto Cass’ arm as she pops my lenses back into their frames. I hate being blind but I thank God that the lenses didn’t crack for once. Slightly ironic that we’re at a church and I was just thinking how lucky I am to be out of there…

“There you go!” Cass announces, but she’s only a blur of pink and brown tones, “Fixed it.”

She passes me my glasses and I shove them on, only to be assaulted yet againby a passer by. I look up at Cass from my position on the floor but she’s not looking at me, she’s biting her lip and looking at my attacker. They will get a piece of my mind…

“Oh God! I’m sorry!” I hear a voice from above. I see a hand reaching out. I hope to God you’re not watching and laughing because I’m pretty sure my skirt’s ridden up and I’d hate for you to see my underwear…
I grab the hand and I’m immediately pulled upwards into my previous vertical position.
“You okay?”

I look up and it’s you.

“I-I’m fine… don’t worry…”

“You sure?” you ask, seemingly concerned, Frank is bobbing beside you looking at me with a worried look on his face.

“You took a pretty big fall, kid,” Frank says. Kid? Oh, hypocritical…

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at falling…” I mumble.

“You just missed it,” giggled Cass, “She only just got up- you’re lucky she didn’t break her glasses again!”

“You sure you’re okay?” you ask and I nod slightly, trembling because your hands on my shoulder and I think I might die. Or throw up.

Frank smiles and says, “Well, we better go, we got band practice,” and you tear your hand away from my shoulder. Don’t think I missed your eyes lingering on me as you left. You turned to glance back at me as you followed Frank to the car waiting for you with Gerard sitting in the front and two other boys who I only recognised from the Christmas concert. You smiled and I melted against Cass who was holding me up slightly.

“That was weird,” Cass said finally, “I think he knows you’re alive now!”

I nodded as Cass guided me to the school parking lot where her Dad’s car waited. Every Sunday Cass’ Dad drops me off to see my mom, which is awful nice of him, don’t you think? It beats walking, that’s for sure, and Cass’ Dad’s car is always really warm, I would live in there if I could. Can you drive yet? I bet you can, you seem the type to be able to drive, anything to be able to not have to depend on you Mom. I wonder if your Mom mentioned me at all… I wonder if you’ll mention me to her when you go home tonight. Nearly everyone goes home on Sunday. I have to stay at school…let’s just say my mother isn’t ‘fit’ to look after me for a night.

“Hey Mr Roberts,” I smile, filing into the backseat of his car.

“Hey, Phoebe, same place?” I nod and he smiles as he starts the car and drives away from the school. I dread coming back tonight. It’s always way too quiet on Sunday nights, sure… I get the common room to myself but it’s not really worth it. One Sunday, Cass decided to stay at school with me, as a sort of sleepover, even though we share a room everyday. It’s not so bad when you’re not alone.

Mr Roberts pulled up to the side of the street and I got out, waving them off as they drove in the direction of their own home, jealousy building as I see them happily joking as they drive. I wish my dad was still around. You wouldn’t understand though, you’re family functions pretty well.

I walk down the streets to the place I haven’t even told Cass about yet, but I would tell you. I would tell you without a doubt. I want you to know all my secrets.

The gravel crunches under my feet as I make my way along the rows of shrubs and stones. It’s even colder here than it was in the school yard. If you were here, you’d give me your coat; you’re sweet like that. You might even hold my hand under certain circumstances, and redhead girl has only confirmed to me that you are that sort of boy.

I smile when I see the familiar dark stone and I know I’ve arrived, I kneel by it.

“Hey Mom… I spoke to him today, well he spoke to me… well, he sort of walked into me…” I smiled, brushing weeds from the tomb, re-reading the stone over again as usual, to check it was the same.

Elspeth Jenner, Beloved mother and friend.
You will be missed.

I stayed for hours. I didn’t want to leave her alone, you see…