Screaming Dreams

I was shocked, to say the least, as his lips landed on mine. A million butterflies were fluttering spastically in my stomach. Yet I was torn; my heart was yelling at my lips to move in the motions as his were, my mind was screaming at me to stop, saying it was wrong. But, however wrong my brain thought it was, everything seemed to be perfect and right in the world.

Then he pulled away, due to my lack of a response, and the butterflies stopped abruptly. He looked at me with ashamed eyes. "I'm sorry," he mumbled as he got up and started to walk away.

I sat there, in a daze, and watched him walk swiftly out of the park. My brain seemed to be clouded and couldn't comprehend what had just happened. After a few moments, it caught back up with the rest of the world.

Wow, was all I could think. The last few minutes played over and over in my mind, trying to sort it all out. He kissed me. I didn't respond, which I mentally cursed myself for. And then, he walked away. My sluggish mind came up with two conclusions.

One: He had made a mistake. The kiss was purely an 'in the moment' type of thing.

Two: He had not made a mistake. The kiss was meant to happen, he saw an opportune moment and took it. Though, to his dismay, I didn't respond.

I told myself that it was the first, that I hoped it was the first option. But I couldn't lie to myself; I wished he meant it as much as I would have if it had been me to kiss him.

Either way, I had to find him and tell him I wasn't mad or disappointed and tell him everything was still fine with us. I hopped off of the bench and hurriedly walked the path he took, hoping I hadn't waited too long to move.

When I reached the park's exit, I looked both ways trying to find Edward in the chaos that is Chicago. People bustled about carrying gifts, wrapped in scarves, as the horse-drawn buggies and trolleys, and a few automobiles, clogged the streets. Then I saw him sitting on a bench about twenty yards away, his elbows propped on his knees, his head in his hands.

I slowly walked over to him and sat down, giving him plenty of space. "I'm sorry," I whispered, looking down at my shoes.

He chuckled darkly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It was completely my fault. It was absolutely out of line. I am sorry."

I looked up at him to find his eyes staring into mine. He smiled, crookedly, "Forgive me?"

"Of course. Though, there's nothing to forgive." I smiled back at him and took his hand in mine.

"Still, I am sorry," he looked at me with meaningful eyes then grinned again. "Friends?"

"Friends," I agreed. That was all we ever could be. It shouldn't bother me. But it did. Badly.

That night, I lay in bed going over the day's events. This morning felt like such a long time ago, I had to strain to keep Edward out of my thoughts while trying to remember what had happened before the park. Arthur gave me an engagement ring that sat on my bedside table, and felt like a pair of shackles that tied me to him forever when I wore it.

Then, of course, Edward slipped back into my thoughts. The joking around. The bracelet. The kiss.

I stopped there, not wanting to disappoint myself with the pleasure that I felt from his kiss, and picked back up at the bench on the busy street.

Friends, I thought. That was all we were, and all we could be. Nonetheless, I had the feeling that Edward wanted me just as much, maybe more, as I wanted him.

I sighed, tired from the long day, and rolled over in my bed. Thinking of Edward, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.