She Said, She Said

Have you ever felt really alone even when there were people surrounding you? If you haven’t, then you have no idea how I felt right then while sitting on a park bench, watching life go by as if nothing was wrong. It was a feeling I’d never had before, not once. It felt as if a cold hand had grabbed my heart, and was squeezing the life out of it, while laughing cruelly, telling me how my life was worth nothing, that no one cared if I lived or died. I guess it was true in a way. I mean, I really had no reason to live. The people that meant the world to me were dead. And the thing that bothered me more than that was nothing more than a mere question: Why was I still alive? If they had taken me with them, then I wouldn’t be back here on this earth, going through my life as if it were a notebook with blank pages. I knew it sounded selfish, thinking only about myself, but what else could I do? And the answer was simple. Nothing, I could do nothing.

The park, that Clara had decided to take us to, was just behind the Rehabilitation Centre, close to the Parking Lot. I had learned earlier on that day that this was the activity for Thursdays. I also found out that sessions weren’t as bad as Sylvia made them seem. The people that were supposed to help me recover were actually very nice and friendly. The sessions would've been better, though, if Caleb hadn't been there, being his usual rude self.

First, there was Ingrid Notti, my Occupational Therapist (O.T.), the one who was supposed to help me learn to become independent in normal daily activities like, dressing, or bathing. Ingrid was very impressed with me when she found out that I could put on a shirt without falling off the bed. The one thing I liked about her the most was that she had patience. Even when I failed to get in the bathtub after several times, she didn’t get angry with me. Instead, she helped me, and calmed me down when I started throwing a fit, which I felt really embarrassed about later on.

Then there was Harper Stabel, definitely one of the most beautiful older women I had ever met. She looked a bit like my mother except with these long red curls that she put up in a loose ponytail. She was my Physiatrist, the one who took care of my medications, tests, needed devices, examined my condition, and took care of all the treatment. It was easy to talk to her because she was so gentle. She treated me like we’d been friends for our whole lives, instead of someone who constantly had the worst mood swings.

I was also supposed to meet someone named Mia Gyles, but she was working with another patient. Instead of meeting her, I was allowed to go back to my room and do whatever I wanted. So, being the exciting person I am, I took a nap, until Sylvia was back from sessions, and woke me up, so we could start the outside activities.

“Come on! We’re going to take a walk!”

I looked up from my nails to see Sylvia, giggling hysterically at her own joke. Rolling my eyes, I followed her. There were a lot of guards all around the park because there were more chances of the BRC’s boys escaping. I guess it did make sense, seeing as some of the boys were glaring at the guards as if they were a wall that were blocking their escape. And in a way, they were.

The park was definitely beautiful, with lots of trees, long, brown benches, surrounded by some of the most gorgeous flowers I had ever seen. There was also a little pond in a corner filled with greenish colored water. Sylvia had told me earlier that this park was only for the people of the Rehabilitation Centre, which I didn’t really mind, because I wasn’t ready to be around little kids, just because they might remind me of…

“Have you seen Caleb? He’s been sitting in that little corner all day! I think he’s still serving his punishment from yesterday,” Sylvia said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Caleb. I hadn’t really had a chance to talk to him yesterday. He was taken out from the activities because of his behavior.

“Really?” I asked, pretending I wasn’t interested.

“Yup.” Sylvia poked me, and averted her eyes to the place behind me. I stared at her before turning around, and seeing Caleb sitting under a tree, his legs criss-crossed, and his eyes on the lush, green grass. For a second, I felt sorry for him, but it went away as soon as it came, when I thought about how he yelled at me yesterday.

Sylvia started to talk away but I couldn’t hear her because I was being pulled back into my thoughts, where, I had come to realize, I could relax the most. Suddenly, a memory started to form in my mind, and I concentrated hard on letting it fill my mind. And as it did, I smiled.

It had been a warm, summer night when Mom and Dad had told us about the new baby. I was only ten at the time, while Brandon was thirteen. When Mom had told us about how we were going out to dinner that night, Brandon wasn’t too excited, complaining about how he had too much homework. But I, on the other hand, had been downright delighted, asking Mom if we could have dessert afterwards. So, after we were all ready, we all piled into my Dad’s Volkswagon Station Wagon and set off.

Later, when we were at the restaurant, Mom started to act strange, and Brandon noticed. He asked Mom what was wrong, and then finally, at that moment, right when I was about to have my first bite of the chocolate ice-cream in front of me, Mom told us about the new baby. Brandon and I were practically jumping up and down in our seats, but we controlled ourselves when we got some odd looks. It was definitely one of the happiest moments of my life. I don’t think I can ever forget the happy smiles on my family’s face that seemed to light up the entire place with a magical glow. Well, it looked like that to me.

As I followed Sylvia through the park, I couldn’t help but look back at Caleb. Maybe now I could talk to him.

“Sylvia?”

“Yeah?” She turned around, and smiled.

“Do we have to go to the walk?”

“Nope, I don’t think so,” she shrugged. I told her I wanted to stay back, and after a few protests against my decision, she left without me. Wheeling myself around, I headed in the direction of where Caleb was sitting.