She Said, She Said

"I blame you."

At first I thought Sylvia was back in the room, blaming me for some nonsense or other, trying to get me to laugh. It was a possibility, seeing as I hadn't acted like the happiest person when she'd come to visit me earlier. And, having known Sylvia for a week, I knew she would make sure I was okay before leaving me on my own. It was a nice and comforting thought, and, for a second, I believed it. Until I heard the voice again.

"We blame you."

Needless to say, it was a familiar voice. A very familiar voice that I must've heard hundreds of times before. But I couldn't place it – not that I wanted to, really; it was giving me a very strong feeling of dread. My stomach turned as I heard the voice again, this time a husky whisper that seemed to turn my blood to ice.

"You killed me."

I tried to say that I hadn't killed anyone, that I didn't know what they, this person, were talking about. That it was all lies, whatever they were saying, and how dare they blame me for something that I had no clue about? How dare they accuse me of something so vulgar and—

"You killed us."

This time, it was a smaller, softer voice. A voice of a child. But who was it? Who could it be? No doubt, this voice was familiar, too, even if I couldn't place who it was. If I concentrated hard enough, I would know, I would find out, but I didn't know if I could handle it. It couldn't be her, no, it just couldn't. But wait – child . . .

My thoughts froze.

Where was I? What was happening? Who was mocking me? Why did they want me to suffer like this? Did I really kill them? Did I?

A whisper in my ear startled me.

"We loved you."

"Stop! Stop!" I screamed finally, trying to open my eyes. Trying to get away from this place, whatever it was. "Stop!" There was no movement, nothing that would let me know if I was alone or not. I couldn't feel anything. Not my face, not my hands, nothing. All I could do was listen to my screams. The endless echo of the same word that I yelled over and over and—

My eyes snapped open. I saw beige. Squinting, my eyes travelled down until I saw the tip of my nose, and, beyond that, the familiar sight of the room I shared with Sylvia. It seemed that I was alone, as I heard no voices or movements around. I closed my eyes for a second and made sure I was okay. My cheeks were wet and my throat was aching with soreness. A dull throb at the back of my head made me whimper in pain.

Bringing my hands up, I pulled my whole body into a sitting position. My head swam, the room blurring. I sighed loudly and rubbed at my eyes. Why I was suddenly so weak, I had no idea. All I really knew was that I should go back to sleep before I fainted. Or threw up – whichever came first.

A quick glance at the clock told me that I'd been sleeping for around three hours, and that I'd missed dinner. Sylvia, however, was nowhere in sight. That's when I remembered the talk I'd had with her about the "special dinner and desert." She was probably laughing and joking with Lacey and Noel, eating some sort of cake. Unexpectedly, I felt a pang of jealousy.

I suddenly realized how normal this seemed to me. To wake up from a nightmare . . . a nightmare that included my family haunting me and blaming me for their deaths. The truth was even following me into my dreams. What I'd been thinking about, it was all true. And here was my confirmation of that. Here was the proof that I'd been thinking right.

"Stop it," I whispered to myself, alarmed at having such thoughts, "don't you dare think about this, don't you dare."

Moving around uncomfortably, I tried to get back into the position I'd been in before. I was about to turn on the lamp – the curtains over the window were drawn, giving the room a dark and eerie look to it that didn't help my situation – when I saw a tray on my bedside table, filled with food. Sitting up again, I reached out and placed it on my lap. On the green tray was, what I supposed to be, my dinner. Two slices of cheese pizza, a clump of fries, ketchup and two large cupcakes decorated in neon icing. A glass of soda sat motionless on the table.

"Great," I mumbled. Slowly, I reached out and flicked my finger over the icing on the cupcake; a smooth clump of glowing green printed itself on the tip of my finger. I tasted it quickly, and made a face; it was sickly sweet and made my stomach turn. In any other situation I would've gobbled the cupcake down like I hadn't eaten for week, but now . . .

Now what? Why was it that the food made me want to throw up all of a sudden?

Exhausted, I rubbed at my eyes. Then, being cautious, I put the tray back where I'd found it and lay back down, my head spinning. This wasn't right, this feeling of hopelessness. It's alright, I told myself, there's nothing to worry about. Tomorrow is Monday, and you'll be back to the process of recovering, to laughing and talking with others and forgetting about this whole thing.

But even as I drifted off to sleep, I knew, no matter how many times I reassured myself, that it wasn't alright; that something was terribly wrong.

*

"Hey, Val, does this look anything like a dog—" A pause. "Valerie, are you okay?"

I snapped back to the present, and nodded at Sylvia, who was looking at me with a worried expression on her face. "I'm fine, thanks."

Sylvia gave me an uncertain look, but smiled all the same. "Alright."

My stomach, for the fifth time that morning, turned again and I breathed in deeply, trying my hardest to control the food that churned in my stomach. Breakfast had gone horribly, and even though I'd told Sylvia a million times that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to eat, she'd forced two pancakes onto my plate. Grudgingly, I'd forced them down – and now I was paying for it.

"Valerie," Lacey said quietly, turning to me. The red crayon she held in her hand was poised perfectly inches from the plain white paper that lay on the table in front of her. "What do you think I should draw?"

I shrugged apologetically. "I'm not sure." Then, with a small smile, "What do you want to draw?"

"A bird," she said automatically, her eyes glimmering with a glint of hope. "I've always wanted to know how it would feel to just . . . take off into the air." She grinned. "Haven't you?"

I nodded tensely. Lacey seemed to know just what she'd said and went back to what she'd been doing.

I sighed. Arts And Craft on a Monday morning wasn’t exactly something I'd been looking forward to. All I could think about was just going back to bed and forgetting that I existed. Or anyone existed, really. Especially Caleb, who, at that moment, was sitting in the corner of the room in a plush armchair, doing absolutely nothing and looking like the most bored person on earth. His eyes seemed unfocused and he was resting his weight to one side, on his right elbow.

My stomach suddenly gave a jump, and I gasped softly, quickly closing my mouth before anyone noticed. I was going to throw up, I just knew it, and doing it here, in front of everyone, wasn't exactly on the top of my list of 'Things to do'. With a whispered "I'll be back" in Sylvia's ear, I rolled my wheelchair out of the room, glaring at the door that was marked with a cheery Arts & Crafts in too-bright colors.

"Hey!" Oh, great. "Where are you going?"

Unable to stop myself, I turned around and glared at Caleb. "None of your business. Leave me alone."

"I can't," he said in an angry tone, "I'm supposed to go with you to see if you need any fu— help."

"What? Can't even swear in front of me now?" My stomach gave a jolt and my throat filled with bile. Shutting my eyes tightly, I forced out, "Leave if you don't want to see me throw up."

Caleb's features twisted in disgust. "I don't care what happens to you, for God's sake! I just don't want to get in trouble with that stupid probation officer."

"I don't give a damn! Just leave!" Turning around quickly, I went down the hall as fast as I could, willing myself to make it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach were going to be spilled on the floor. God, wouldn't that be a story. And in front of Caleb, of all people!

"Val—" Caleb stopped, realizing he was calling me by my name. Then I heard his hurried footsteps behind me, causing me to speed up. "You'll get us both in trouble, you—"

And before I could stop myself, I came to a halt and the bile in my mouth was spilled on the floor in an instant.

Just freakin' fantastic.