Status: Hiatus.
She Said, She Said
tell yourself to let it go
Nurse Laura told me it had been almost a month since I'd been here. I wasn't convinced at first, of course, because I really couldn't believe I'd been here for so long and yet still didn't know about my parents or my brother and sister. What was up with that? But I guess it did make some sense now. All I had been doing for the past few weeks was sleep, take medication, eat, take a bathroom break, and sleep some more.
All the time I'd been here though, I realized how much I hated hospitals. Everything was so color-less and the environment was always gloomy. I felt as if I was being suffocated here. I wanted to get out, but I knew I couldn't just yet. I still had to take pain-killers and the I just couldn't seem to get used to getting pushed around in my new wheelchair.
Aunt Debra came to visit sometimes. I tried to ignore her but she was always there with her big, brown hazel eyes, staring at me with so much kindness that I couldn't seem to look away. She always brought me something when she came. Sometimes it was a bunch of balloons; other times it was coffee and donuts or some other equally tasty treat. Why she was being so nice to me while I was being a bitch to her, I had no idea. But I didn't mind. It was nice seeing her here, I guess, since she seemed to be the only one who visited me.
Okay, so that wasn't really true. A lot of my friends came to visit but I always pretended to be sleeping or be busy with something whenever a nurse informed me that someone was there to see me. I couldn't face them. Not after what happened with Tamara.
Tamara Bennett is my best friend. I've known her for almost my whole life. Before the accident, we wouldn't go anywhere without the other. She was always with me. She was there with me, bawling her eyes out, when I got my period and she didn't. She was there when I fell off the monkey bars and broke my ankle. She was there when I told her about my first crush. She was there with me, in our tree house, when I heard my mom and dad fighting for the first time. She was there through it all: the pain, the embarassing moments, the good and the bad times.
And yesterday she came to visit me. Or was it the day before that? I'm not sure, but she was there in the doorway, bobbing up and down on her heels, her pale gray eyes staring at me as if I was a ghost. As she came towards me, her red curls bounced slightly with each step she took. Then she stopped. Right beside my bed. She was right there. I wanted to reach out and hug her. Instead I scowled and stared at the ceiling.
"Val," she whispered and I looked over at her to see tears in her eyes. Did I really look that bad, I thought bitterly. I didn't know why I was being like this. Maybe it was because I had lost my legs and didn't know where the fuck my family was? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the reason.
"Go away," I mumbled, turned my back on her, and squeezed my eyes shut. I heard her steady breathing as she stood there for a minute, and then her small footsteps as she walked away. I listened closely until I couldn't hear them anymore. I was being a horrible person, I knew that. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anyone except my mom, my dad, Sabrina and Brandon. No one at all.
All the time I'd been here though, I realized how much I hated hospitals. Everything was so color-less and the environment was always gloomy. I felt as if I was being suffocated here. I wanted to get out, but I knew I couldn't just yet. I still had to take pain-killers and the I just couldn't seem to get used to getting pushed around in my new wheelchair.
Aunt Debra came to visit sometimes. I tried to ignore her but she was always there with her big, brown hazel eyes, staring at me with so much kindness that I couldn't seem to look away. She always brought me something when she came. Sometimes it was a bunch of balloons; other times it was coffee and donuts or some other equally tasty treat. Why she was being so nice to me while I was being a bitch to her, I had no idea. But I didn't mind. It was nice seeing her here, I guess, since she seemed to be the only one who visited me.
Okay, so that wasn't really true. A lot of my friends came to visit but I always pretended to be sleeping or be busy with something whenever a nurse informed me that someone was there to see me. I couldn't face them. Not after what happened with Tamara.
Tamara Bennett is my best friend. I've known her for almost my whole life. Before the accident, we wouldn't go anywhere without the other. She was always with me. She was there with me, bawling her eyes out, when I got my period and she didn't. She was there when I fell off the monkey bars and broke my ankle. She was there when I told her about my first crush. She was there with me, in our tree house, when I heard my mom and dad fighting for the first time. She was there through it all: the pain, the embarassing moments, the good and the bad times.
And yesterday she came to visit me. Or was it the day before that? I'm not sure, but she was there in the doorway, bobbing up and down on her heels, her pale gray eyes staring at me as if I was a ghost. As she came towards me, her red curls bounced slightly with each step she took. Then she stopped. Right beside my bed. She was right there. I wanted to reach out and hug her. Instead I scowled and stared at the ceiling.
"Val," she whispered and I looked over at her to see tears in her eyes. Did I really look that bad, I thought bitterly. I didn't know why I was being like this. Maybe it was because I had lost my legs and didn't know where the fuck my family was? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the reason.
"Go away," I mumbled, turned my back on her, and squeezed my eyes shut. I heard her steady breathing as she stood there for a minute, and then her small footsteps as she walked away. I listened closely until I couldn't hear them anymore. I was being a horrible person, I knew that. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anyone except my mom, my dad, Sabrina and Brandon. No one at all.