She Said, She Said

When I was having some breakfast the next morning - a piece of buttered toast and some orange juice - Dr. Hernandez came into the room, looking uneasy. I had been staring at the toast debating on whether to eat it or not. I knew that, either way, it would end with me throw up, so, having nothing to lose, I'd let the hunger take over. I took a large bite and slurped on the juice before looking up at Dr. Hernandez. He gave me a weak smile, and walked over to the side of my bed. Pulling a chair over, he sat down with a heavy sigh. I looked at him questioningly.

"Valerie, I understand that this is hard for you . . . " he hesitated then continued, "You know, not knowing what's going on. And, I've decided that you're strong enough to handle this now. . . " he hesitated yet again and brought his eyes down, "Your parents . . . they didn't survive. It was instant death. And Brandon . . . we couldn't save him. He was hurt too badly. So was Sabrina. I'm sorry, Valerie."

I stared at him. It took me a moment to realize what he had said. My parents? Dead? And Brandon? Poor little Sabrina? How could that be? I felt tears well up in my eyes and this time I didn't care that Dr. Hernandez was sitting there, watching me. The piece of toast felt like cardboard in my mouth, and my hand shook, almost spilling the glass of orange juice I was holding.

Dr. Hernandez looked uneasy. He glanced up and took the glass and the toast from me. That's when the tears started spilling down my cheeks. That's when I realized I was alone, that I had no one. I bawled until I was exhausted. Dr. Hernandez had left a while ago, saying something about checking up on a patient. I didn't pay any attention to him, though. How could I? I'd just been told that the people I loved the most in the world were dead. They were gone, and I was never going to see them again. Ever.

The rest of the day went by slowly. Aunt Debra came to see me around mid-afternoon. She brought me home-made cookies. I just nodded and left them on the table. I couldn't pay attention to anything she was saying. I saw her mouth moving, I saw her smiling at me, but this time those big, brown hazel eyes didn't win me over. I was lost in my own thoughts. About Brandon, and Sabrina, and Mom and Dad. Each memory seemed to be forcing itself into my head.

I remembered the first time Brandon took me to the park. He was eight then, and I was only five. He told me that we were going to have a great time on the swings. Those were his favorite, he always loved the feeling it gave him. But for me, they scared me and they still do. I think it's because I'm afraid of heights. But I told Brandon I loved them, just because he did. I don't think he believed me but he played along.

Sabrina. The name always brought a smile to my face. I remembered when I had given her swimming lessons. It was like she was meant to swim but she was afraid. Afraid of the water. I asked her why. She said half the time it was because she couldn't see where half of her body was. And the thought of floating on water just simply terrified her. But I got her to do it. I was there with her, supporting my sister. I really loved her. I still really do. That was probably the hardest thing to believe. That my very own five year old sister was dead. I felt like crying all over again, but eyes felt raw and dry.

I wished my mom was here to hold me. I wished my dad was here so he could tell me one of his lame jokes that always seemed to crack me up, no matter how old. I wished Brandon was here so we could stay up late and talk about everything that was on our minds. I wished Sabrina was here so she could give me one of her toothless smiles.

And these were the wishes that were probably never going to come true.