Slip Into This Tragedy

Chapter 12

Sam’s POV

Things had settled down for the most part at least. Mikey and I were together, Frank and Gerard were good. I still felt like shit all the time, because I hurt Mikey so much, and there was no way I could fix what I had done. I knew he still hadn’t forgiven me, even when he promises he did. I could tell in his eyes, he doesn’t trust me. And I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t trust me either. Recently, I’ve been talking to Gerard about everything. He’s kinda the neutral party.

The day that Mikey and I got back together, Gerard told Frank what I did. Frank was pissed. He wouldn’t talk to me at all for a week. I asked Gerard why he way so mad at me, but he said he thought Frank should tell me. So I gathered up the courage to talk to my own brother.

“Frank?” I asked tentatively one night, walking into his bedroom. He was laying on his bed and didn’t move when I said his name. I knew he was just pretending to be asleep, so I kept talking. “Frank, I’m really sorry about what I did to Mikey, and about the drinking and stuff. I didn’t know what to do. You and Gerard were so happy and you seemed like you were handling everything better then me, and that made me feel guilty because you should be more upset about dad then me, but you weren’t…”

“WHAT? So you’re saying it’s MY fault that you fucked up?!? Because I was being responsible and trying to help mom. How do you think she would feel if we were both mopping around the house? You can’t fucking put the blame on me Sam! Stop making up excuses, you’re a fuck up! Admit it!” He yelled at me, venom dripping off every word. He glared at me, full of hatred. I had never seen him that mad at anyone, ever. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn’t hold back the sobs that racked my body.

“You right Frank… I’m a fuck up. Sorry,” I managed through sobs. I walked out of his room, and as soon as he couldn’t see me I sprinted down the short hallway to my own room. I was just a fuck up. I didn’t mean anything to anyone. Mikey probably hated me, he just didn’t want me to do anything to myself cause then he would feel guilty, so he’s pretending that he still loves me. Of course it couldn’t be true. How could someone love me? I’m just an insignificant girl who means nothing to the world. I laid on my bed, burying my face in my pillow, and cried until I fell asleep.

I woke up constantly, cried, then fell back asleep throughout the night. I have no idea how long I laid there, or what time it was when I heard a soft knock on my door. I turned away from the door, and pretended to sleep. The door creaked open and I heard Frank walking in.

“Sam?” he whispered. He kept walking towards my bed, slowly. “Sam, come on. I know you’re not asleep. I heard you crying right before I walked in.” He touched my shoulder gently, urging me to turn around. I slowly moved to face him, and he sat on the edge of my bed.

“Sam, I’m sorry. You’re not a fuck up. I was just mad. I’m really upset about everything that’s been going on, ask Gerard, he has the exhausting job of always trying to cheer me up. But you know what is really killing me, more then the fact that dads gone?” I looked up at him questioningly, and he took that as me asking what. “That me and you aren’t as close. Sam, I miss talking to you. I miss our long movie nights, and our pelting each other with m&ms and skittles at random times during Friday night.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Really,” He said, smiling. Then it vanished, just as quickly as it appeared. “Sam, I love you. But what you did to Mikey was horrible. You have to show him how sorry you are.”

“I know,” I said, trying unsuccessfully to stop fresh tears from overflowing onto my cheeks. He reached out his arms, silently asking for a hug. I sat up and hugged him tightly, glad that I had my brother back, and that he had his sister back.