God Bless the Broken Road
Closing the Book
19, March 2009
As I sit here on the plane listening to Joe chuckle at the in flight movie; I find myself thinking over this past weekend. So much happened and I’m not quite sure where to begin.
First off our three hour mini road trip from the air port, yeah Joseph was not happy. He swears that next time we are taking a chartered jet just so we can used the private air port in my home town; he’s such a diva.
Secondly my family, wow; seeing them again was amazing? Terrifying? Interesting? I just never realized how much I missed them until I saw them again. It was chaotic that’s for sure but you know with us it always is. Poor Joe they sure put him through the ringer but you know what not once did he ever flinch; not even when mom embarrassingly mentioned hearing wedding bells. I think they were quite impressed with him; Joe and I are already making plans to visit again.
The memorial wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. We were able to sneak in to the back of the room unnoticed. I’m really glad Joe talked me into going; the service was beautiful.
I visited their graves for the first time; it was hard to say the least. I went by myself; when I found them all there buried side by side all I could do is sit there and cry. It was my first true chance to grieve and all I could think is I miss them all so, so much.
I’m not sure how long I sat there crying but eventually Joe joined me, rubbing a steady hand on my back in comfort. We sat there quietly for a while before I felt someone else join us on my other side. I looked over in confusion and imagine my surprise to meet the sad eyes of Jakes mother.
We both sat there staring for a while and then the next thing I know we’re hugging and apologizing to each other over and over again; having her forgiveness means the world to me.
I also went back to where it happened; it was terrifying. Being there was like reliving every horrifying moment over again. Climbing down the slope it was like I was back in the car again, I could feel every turn, I could smell the blood and I could hear the screams; I wanted to pass out. But Joe was there holding me up, whispering in my ear; supporting me, like always.
As we reached the bottom, we didn’t stay long but I took a minute to look around and I realized something. Looking around the landscape you couldn’t tell what had happened there just a year ago; it was beautiful and quiet peaceful.
The one thing that stands out most in my mind about it is the tree; the only visible remnant of the crash ever happening. It is a huge live oak towering over the lesser pines and on its side just a tiny gouge in the bark where the car had come to rest.
I came to realize something as I ran my hand over the gouge. That tree is still standing strong even after facing such adversity and it’s healing just like me. So there for this will be my last entry in this book and I find that fitting because when I close this book I will literally close the book on my past. Am I over it? No, I and don’t think that I ever will be, but I am dealing with it; I’m finally truly healing and that’s about all I can hope for.
When I started this journey I had no idea what I was looking for and I certainly never expected to find what I did. But you know what no one’s path ever leads completely strait and mine may have had quite a few twist and turns but you know what, I think I’ve done alright.
And besides I got my happy ending; then again it’s not really an ending is it?
God bless,
Leigh Ann
As I sit here on the plane listening to Joe chuckle at the in flight movie; I find myself thinking over this past weekend. So much happened and I’m not quite sure where to begin.
First off our three hour mini road trip from the air port, yeah Joseph was not happy. He swears that next time we are taking a chartered jet just so we can used the private air port in my home town; he’s such a diva.
Secondly my family, wow; seeing them again was amazing? Terrifying? Interesting? I just never realized how much I missed them until I saw them again. It was chaotic that’s for sure but you know with us it always is. Poor Joe they sure put him through the ringer but you know what not once did he ever flinch; not even when mom embarrassingly mentioned hearing wedding bells. I think they were quite impressed with him; Joe and I are already making plans to visit again.
The memorial wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. We were able to sneak in to the back of the room unnoticed. I’m really glad Joe talked me into going; the service was beautiful.
I visited their graves for the first time; it was hard to say the least. I went by myself; when I found them all there buried side by side all I could do is sit there and cry. It was my first true chance to grieve and all I could think is I miss them all so, so much.
I’m not sure how long I sat there crying but eventually Joe joined me, rubbing a steady hand on my back in comfort. We sat there quietly for a while before I felt someone else join us on my other side. I looked over in confusion and imagine my surprise to meet the sad eyes of Jakes mother.
We both sat there staring for a while and then the next thing I know we’re hugging and apologizing to each other over and over again; having her forgiveness means the world to me.
I also went back to where it happened; it was terrifying. Being there was like reliving every horrifying moment over again. Climbing down the slope it was like I was back in the car again, I could feel every turn, I could smell the blood and I could hear the screams; I wanted to pass out. But Joe was there holding me up, whispering in my ear; supporting me, like always.
As we reached the bottom, we didn’t stay long but I took a minute to look around and I realized something. Looking around the landscape you couldn’t tell what had happened there just a year ago; it was beautiful and quiet peaceful.
The one thing that stands out most in my mind about it is the tree; the only visible remnant of the crash ever happening. It is a huge live oak towering over the lesser pines and on its side just a tiny gouge in the bark where the car had come to rest.
I came to realize something as I ran my hand over the gouge. That tree is still standing strong even after facing such adversity and it’s healing just like me. So there for this will be my last entry in this book and I find that fitting because when I close this book I will literally close the book on my past. Am I over it? No, I and don’t think that I ever will be, but I am dealing with it; I’m finally truly healing and that’s about all I can hope for.
When I started this journey I had no idea what I was looking for and I certainly never expected to find what I did. But you know what no one’s path ever leads completely strait and mine may have had quite a few twist and turns but you know what, I think I’ve done alright.
And besides I got my happy ending; then again it’s not really an ending is it?
God bless,
Leigh Ann
♠ ♠ ♠
That’s it folks…wow that is so hard to believe.Leigh Ann has truly come full circle and she’s ready to move forward.
Will there be a sequel? Probably not; maybe a few one shots here or there but no true sequel…
So again thank you all so so much for sticking with me and reading this; I love you all!!