God Bless the Broken Road
Make a Left Turn at the Corner of Guilt and Regret
Joe awoke to the sound of the DVD menu playing itself over and over. He reached up and rubbed his face as he yawned. After stretching his arms over his head he rested them on the back of the couch and looked down at Leigh Ann’s sleeping form. She must have fallen asleep writing because her notebook was propped open on her chest and she still had a pen in her left hand. He smiled a little as he reached down and picked up the notebook. Just as he was about to close it and set it on the table he hesitated. Those pain pills the doctor gave her were pretty strong and he was willing to bet that she wasn’t going to be waking up anytime soon. So it wouldn’t hurt for him to just glance at a few of the pages after all he really did want to know more about her. Joe glanced at Leigh Ann once more before flipping the notebook open to the first page.
24, March, 2008
So the hospital shrink gave me this notebook today. He said if I wrote down my thoughts it might help me piece together what happened. I mean I know all the important stuff like my name and stuff but when it comes to that night I keep drawing a blank. I just can’t remember. No mater how much I try or how hard they push me I just keep hitting a brick wall. There’s just nothing there.
Joe stared at the page in confusion. Leigh Ann had been in the hospital? He quickly flipped to the next page.
26, March, 2008
I had a nightmare today, only I’m starting to think it wasn’t so much a nightmare as it was a memory. It just felt too real to be anything else. If it was a memory I’m not sure I want to get the rest of it back. I’m terrified of what it ment.
Joe glanced at Leigh Ann again just to make sure she was still sleeping as he flipped the page once more.
27, March, 2008
I was transferred back to Field Memorial today meaning my brother is now officially my Doctor. It’s odd to say the least. He and Holli came to visit this morning before his shift and they brought Emma as well which was nice. It’s so hard to believe that she’s already three months old. They wouldn’t let me hold her though because they were scared she would try to pull my IV out. Something wasn’t right with Holli though, she kept glancing at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. It was like she pitied me or something. I know there’s something they’re not telling me but the question is, what is it?
Joe quietly flipped to the next page.
27, March 2008
It is around three thirty in the morning I’m alone, I’m scared and I can’t sleep. I think I’m starting to remember what happened... I remember getting ready to go out that night. I remember straitening my hair. I remember putting on blue jeans and a strapless black top. I remember meeting Jake, Carry, Melanie, and Kyle at Carry’s house; and I remember my car. That’s it, and yet those few things create so many questions. Was I driving? Did we wreck? Are they okay? Why won’t anyone tell me anything? Why won’t anyone other than my family come to visit? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME???
Joe ran his fingers over the marks on the page in odd fascination. There was no doubt in his mind that they were tear marks.
29, March 2008
Oh my God, I remember. I remember everything…I remember getting to Carry’s house that night to find out that Jake had been drinking. I remember him begging me to let him drive, swearing that he was sober. I remember Carry assuring me that he had only had one beer. I remember giving in and handing him the keys. I remember going through the back roads towards town. I remember unbuckling my seatbelt and leaning up from the back seat yelling for him to slow down. I remember feeling the car start to slide. I remember the sound of everyone’s screams mingled with the sound of breaking glass. I remember the first roll. I remember flying through the air. I remember the feeling of thousands of tiny knives slicing through my body... I remember nothing, and yet I remember everything... I remember waking up to the feeling of rain beating down on my face. I remember the numbness I felt as I stared at the blood on my hands. I remember the pain; oh do I ever remember the pain. I remember praying to God to protect my friends and to spare me from the pain and I remember praying for him to take me from the earth that very day… Oh God how do I remember, and how I wish I could forget the screams, the pain, and the memories of regret.
At the bottom of the page Joe found another entry.
29, March 2008
Do you think it’s okay to be angry at God? I think so and I am. I begged him to take me and to spare my friends, yet he took all four of them and spared me. He spared me and me alone to deal with the aftermath of a small broken town that lost four of its children. He spared me to live my life full of guilt. Forever knowing that Jake, Melanie, Carry, and Kyle’s deaths were my fault, how can I live knowing that?
XXXXX
Regret; the word rang through Joe’s head loud and clear. He felt terribly guilty. He now knew he should never have read anything in that book. How would he face her tomorrow with out acting differently? Looking down at the peaceful expression on her sleeping face it was hard to imagine the pain she had suffered, and yet everything he read about her explained so much.
With a racing heart and shaking hands Joe gently eased off the couch and carefully picked her up to carry her to her room and after he gently laid her down on her bed and pulled the covers to her chest he stared at her in wonder. How could someone so sweet deal with so much? He reached down and pushed a lock of hair out of her face and leaned down and softly brushed his lips to her forehead. As he did he made a promise to himself. No matter what it took, whether it be praying, talking about God, or just acting plain crazy he was going to help her through this. No matter what.
24, March, 2008
So the hospital shrink gave me this notebook today. He said if I wrote down my thoughts it might help me piece together what happened. I mean I know all the important stuff like my name and stuff but when it comes to that night I keep drawing a blank. I just can’t remember. No mater how much I try or how hard they push me I just keep hitting a brick wall. There’s just nothing there.
Joe stared at the page in confusion. Leigh Ann had been in the hospital? He quickly flipped to the next page.
26, March, 2008
I had a nightmare today, only I’m starting to think it wasn’t so much a nightmare as it was a memory. It just felt too real to be anything else. If it was a memory I’m not sure I want to get the rest of it back. I’m terrified of what it ment.
Joe glanced at Leigh Ann again just to make sure she was still sleeping as he flipped the page once more.
27, March, 2008
I was transferred back to Field Memorial today meaning my brother is now officially my Doctor. It’s odd to say the least. He and Holli came to visit this morning before his shift and they brought Emma as well which was nice. It’s so hard to believe that she’s already three months old. They wouldn’t let me hold her though because they were scared she would try to pull my IV out. Something wasn’t right with Holli though, she kept glancing at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. It was like she pitied me or something. I know there’s something they’re not telling me but the question is, what is it?
Joe quietly flipped to the next page.
27, March 2008
It is around three thirty in the morning I’m alone, I’m scared and I can’t sleep. I think I’m starting to remember what happened... I remember getting ready to go out that night. I remember straitening my hair. I remember putting on blue jeans and a strapless black top. I remember meeting Jake, Carry, Melanie, and Kyle at Carry’s house; and I remember my car. That’s it, and yet those few things create so many questions. Was I driving? Did we wreck? Are they okay? Why won’t anyone tell me anything? Why won’t anyone other than my family come to visit? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME???
Joe ran his fingers over the marks on the page in odd fascination. There was no doubt in his mind that they were tear marks.
29, March 2008
Oh my God, I remember. I remember everything…I remember getting to Carry’s house that night to find out that Jake had been drinking. I remember him begging me to let him drive, swearing that he was sober. I remember Carry assuring me that he had only had one beer. I remember giving in and handing him the keys. I remember going through the back roads towards town. I remember unbuckling my seatbelt and leaning up from the back seat yelling for him to slow down. I remember feeling the car start to slide. I remember the sound of everyone’s screams mingled with the sound of breaking glass. I remember the first roll. I remember flying through the air. I remember the feeling of thousands of tiny knives slicing through my body... I remember nothing, and yet I remember everything... I remember waking up to the feeling of rain beating down on my face. I remember the numbness I felt as I stared at the blood on my hands. I remember the pain; oh do I ever remember the pain. I remember praying to God to protect my friends and to spare me from the pain and I remember praying for him to take me from the earth that very day… Oh God how do I remember, and how I wish I could forget the screams, the pain, and the memories of regret.
At the bottom of the page Joe found another entry.
29, March 2008
Do you think it’s okay to be angry at God? I think so and I am. I begged him to take me and to spare my friends, yet he took all four of them and spared me. He spared me and me alone to deal with the aftermath of a small broken town that lost four of its children. He spared me to live my life full of guilt. Forever knowing that Jake, Melanie, Carry, and Kyle’s deaths were my fault, how can I live knowing that?
XXXXX
Regret; the word rang through Joe’s head loud and clear. He felt terribly guilty. He now knew he should never have read anything in that book. How would he face her tomorrow with out acting differently? Looking down at the peaceful expression on her sleeping face it was hard to imagine the pain she had suffered, and yet everything he read about her explained so much.
With a racing heart and shaking hands Joe gently eased off the couch and carefully picked her up to carry her to her room and after he gently laid her down on her bed and pulled the covers to her chest he stared at her in wonder. How could someone so sweet deal with so much? He reached down and pushed a lock of hair out of her face and leaned down and softly brushed his lips to her forehead. As he did he made a promise to himself. No matter what it took, whether it be praying, talking about God, or just acting plain crazy he was going to help her through this. No matter what.
♠ ♠ ♠
A/N: I just want to clarify that Joe and Leigh Ann are not a couple. While they are both attracted to one another for now they are just friends…. This chapter was hard for me to write. I teared up quite a few times while writing it which is weird for me because I almost never cry… I’m still not happy with the way the March 29th entry turned out( where she gets her memory back), to me it almost sounds like a poem and I really didn’t intend for it to be but I tried to change it and nothing else sounded right so I just went back to the original version… So love it? hate it? Let me know please! As always please read and review.