God Bless the Broken Road
Apologies and Faith
As Kevin slept peacefully by her side Leigh Ann grabbed her notebook off the nightstand and began to write.
8, June 2008
A lot happened today. First off, I had my first encounter with the boy’s fans today; it was frightening to say the least. Frankie and I spent almost three hours locked in a public bathroom because one crazy fan recognized Frankie. One fan turned into ten fans and the next thing you know I am smack dab in the middle of a paparazzi filled nightmare. It was horrible!
If that wasn’t enough drama for one day, on the way home Frankie told me that Joe had read my diary. I was not happy. Joe and I had a really big fight about it; well okay that’s not exactly true. It was more like I sat there yelling and screaming like a complete and total bitch and Joe just stood there took it and tried to apologize. I feel completely horrible about it. I am not and was not ever mad about him reading my diary; it was more along the lines of what he read that completely terrified me. What he read was written at a dark time in my life, I was severely depressed at the time and that’s just not me anymore.
I was scared that he would think differently towards me, that he and his brothers would hate me. Most people who know what happened back then do, so I guess I expected the same from them. Kevin set me, or should I say shook me strait on that notion. Now that I think back on it, it was either the funniest thing I have ever seen or the most passionate. The incredulous look on his face is something I will never forget.
He really helped me tonight. Kevin is well, he’s Kevin. He is a really sweet, caring, and tender hearted person who just happens to be an insanely talented rock star. He is also one of the two best hug givers in the world, the first being Joe. He just really surprised me today. He knew exactly what to do; what to say, how to hold me, how to just let me cry. He made me feel completely and totally safe, like it didn’t matter if my world fell into a million pieces because he would be there to help me pick them up. He’s like the younger older brother I never had and I completely love him for it.
Leigh Ann sighed as she closed her notebook and carefully got off her bed. As she opened her door she had to bit her lip to hold back a giggle. As she looked backed and forth between Kevin and Joe she would have to say that the Jonas boys sure could sleep in the oddest positions. There Kevin was propped up in her bed with his back pushed against her headboard and his head slightly cocked to the side in a position you just knew was sure to leave a crick in your neck, and here Joe was on the floor propped against the wall, knees drawn to his chest, arms around his knees, and his head resting on his forearm. It just screamed uncomfortable to her. As she looked between the two she began to wish she had her camera with her. They just both looked completely and totally adorable.
She shook her head with a smile as she turned to quietly close the door, when she turned back around he was standing behind her. When her eyes connected with him thousands of tiny butterflies began to dance in her stomach.
His eyes had unshed tears in them, he looked completely worn out. His posture was slightly slumped; his shoulders were down, he looked miserable, almost defeated. It killed Leigh Ann to see him like this. It was her fault and she felt horrible about it.
Noticing he was about to speak she put he finger to her lip and motioned towards her door. Joe nodded and grabbed her hand leading her to his room. Once they were seated on his bead he tried to speak once again but Leigh Ann interrupted.
“Joe I am so sorry for the way I treated you earlier. You have been nothing but nice to me and I had no right to react the way I did. I feel horrible for yelling at you, I.”
Joe interrupted her, “I deserved it Leigh Ann. I deserved everything you said. I completely broke your trust and over stepped my boundaries as a friend. I should never have opened that book; I should never have read the first sentence. It was wrong and I apologize from the bottom of my heart.”
Noticing the sudden hope in his eyes Leigh Ann smiled a little, “I’ll forgive you if you promise to forgive me.”
Joe smiled, “Deal,” He said as he hugged her to him. When he felt her shoulder begin to shake he pulled back.
As he wiped at the tears that streamed down her face he asked, “What’s wrong Leigh Ann, why are you crying?”
“Why d-don’t you hate me? You sh-should I d-d-deserve it. I- I’m a murderer. I k-killed my friends.” She cried out.
Joe felt his heart drop. He sighed as he hugged her to him. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, “Leigh Ann I want you to listen and listen good. What happened that night was not your fault. There was no way you could have prevented it. The tire blew and the wreck probably would have occurred no matter who had been driving.”
Leigh Ann froze, how did he know that?
Seeing the look on her face he shrugged, “I Googled it. I read all the articles; I saw the pictures of the car and I read the comments people left. Leigh Ann they said it was a miracle you were even alive. I saw the pictures Leigh Ann and if you had been the one driving you would have been killed. If you would have been any where else in the car when it happened you would have been killed. If you hadn’t taken your seatbelt off when you did you would have been crushed.”
Leigh Ann continued to stare into Joe’s eyes, “But why me Joe? Why did God choose me to live? Why not them? I don’t understand it.”
“I can’t answer that for you Leigh Ann. It was God’s plan. Sometimes we don’t understand it and sometimes we question it but we know in our hearts that He has a purpose for everything. We have to have faith and trust in Him as we follow the paths He has sat before us. Grief is a part of life. It’s not easy and I know I’ve never been in a situation like yours, but no matter what you have to remember that He is always right there beside you every step of the way, ready to catch if you fall.”
Leigh Ann sighed, "But what if you've already fallen and you're not sure how to get back up?"
Joe wiped a tear off her cheek, "Then I will be there and my family will be there to help you back up."
Leigh Ann stared up at Joe, “But how do I know if I'm on the right path?”
Joe smiled a little, “You just got to have faith.”
Leigh Ann laughed a little, “Oh Joe that was just corny.”
Joe grinned, “But it got you to smile didn’t it?”
Leigh Ann just shook her head.
Joe laughed as he began to play with her left hand, “What it’s a good song.”
Leigh Ann rolled her eyes in amusement but became serious again. She grabbed Joes hand to still his movements, “Hey Joe?”
Joe looked up from their hands and met her eyes once more, “Yes?”
“Will you pray with me?”
Joe entwined his hand with hers, “I would love to.”
And so there they sat across from one another cross-legged, knee to knee; hands entwined, heads bowed together and they prayed.
8, June 2008
A lot happened today. First off, I had my first encounter with the boy’s fans today; it was frightening to say the least. Frankie and I spent almost three hours locked in a public bathroom because one crazy fan recognized Frankie. One fan turned into ten fans and the next thing you know I am smack dab in the middle of a paparazzi filled nightmare. It was horrible!
If that wasn’t enough drama for one day, on the way home Frankie told me that Joe had read my diary. I was not happy. Joe and I had a really big fight about it; well okay that’s not exactly true. It was more like I sat there yelling and screaming like a complete and total bitch and Joe just stood there took it and tried to apologize. I feel completely horrible about it. I am not and was not ever mad about him reading my diary; it was more along the lines of what he read that completely terrified me. What he read was written at a dark time in my life, I was severely depressed at the time and that’s just not me anymore.
I was scared that he would think differently towards me, that he and his brothers would hate me. Most people who know what happened back then do, so I guess I expected the same from them. Kevin set me, or should I say shook me strait on that notion. Now that I think back on it, it was either the funniest thing I have ever seen or the most passionate. The incredulous look on his face is something I will never forget.
He really helped me tonight. Kevin is well, he’s Kevin. He is a really sweet, caring, and tender hearted person who just happens to be an insanely talented rock star. He is also one of the two best hug givers in the world, the first being Joe. He just really surprised me today. He knew exactly what to do; what to say, how to hold me, how to just let me cry. He made me feel completely and totally safe, like it didn’t matter if my world fell into a million pieces because he would be there to help me pick them up. He’s like the younger older brother I never had and I completely love him for it.
Leigh Ann sighed as she closed her notebook and carefully got off her bed. As she opened her door she had to bit her lip to hold back a giggle. As she looked backed and forth between Kevin and Joe she would have to say that the Jonas boys sure could sleep in the oddest positions. There Kevin was propped up in her bed with his back pushed against her headboard and his head slightly cocked to the side in a position you just knew was sure to leave a crick in your neck, and here Joe was on the floor propped against the wall, knees drawn to his chest, arms around his knees, and his head resting on his forearm. It just screamed uncomfortable to her. As she looked between the two she began to wish she had her camera with her. They just both looked completely and totally adorable.
She shook her head with a smile as she turned to quietly close the door, when she turned back around he was standing behind her. When her eyes connected with him thousands of tiny butterflies began to dance in her stomach.
His eyes had unshed tears in them, he looked completely worn out. His posture was slightly slumped; his shoulders were down, he looked miserable, almost defeated. It killed Leigh Ann to see him like this. It was her fault and she felt horrible about it.
Noticing he was about to speak she put he finger to her lip and motioned towards her door. Joe nodded and grabbed her hand leading her to his room. Once they were seated on his bead he tried to speak once again but Leigh Ann interrupted.
“Joe I am so sorry for the way I treated you earlier. You have been nothing but nice to me and I had no right to react the way I did. I feel horrible for yelling at you, I.”
Joe interrupted her, “I deserved it Leigh Ann. I deserved everything you said. I completely broke your trust and over stepped my boundaries as a friend. I should never have opened that book; I should never have read the first sentence. It was wrong and I apologize from the bottom of my heart.”
Noticing the sudden hope in his eyes Leigh Ann smiled a little, “I’ll forgive you if you promise to forgive me.”
Joe smiled, “Deal,” He said as he hugged her to him. When he felt her shoulder begin to shake he pulled back.
As he wiped at the tears that streamed down her face he asked, “What’s wrong Leigh Ann, why are you crying?”
“Why d-don’t you hate me? You sh-should I d-d-deserve it. I- I’m a murderer. I k-killed my friends.” She cried out.
Joe felt his heart drop. He sighed as he hugged her to him. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, “Leigh Ann I want you to listen and listen good. What happened that night was not your fault. There was no way you could have prevented it. The tire blew and the wreck probably would have occurred no matter who had been driving.”
Leigh Ann froze, how did he know that?
Seeing the look on her face he shrugged, “I Googled it. I read all the articles; I saw the pictures of the car and I read the comments people left. Leigh Ann they said it was a miracle you were even alive. I saw the pictures Leigh Ann and if you had been the one driving you would have been killed. If you would have been any where else in the car when it happened you would have been killed. If you hadn’t taken your seatbelt off when you did you would have been crushed.”
Leigh Ann continued to stare into Joe’s eyes, “But why me Joe? Why did God choose me to live? Why not them? I don’t understand it.”
“I can’t answer that for you Leigh Ann. It was God’s plan. Sometimes we don’t understand it and sometimes we question it but we know in our hearts that He has a purpose for everything. We have to have faith and trust in Him as we follow the paths He has sat before us. Grief is a part of life. It’s not easy and I know I’ve never been in a situation like yours, but no matter what you have to remember that He is always right there beside you every step of the way, ready to catch if you fall.”
Leigh Ann sighed, "But what if you've already fallen and you're not sure how to get back up?"
Joe wiped a tear off her cheek, "Then I will be there and my family will be there to help you back up."
Leigh Ann stared up at Joe, “But how do I know if I'm on the right path?”
Joe smiled a little, “You just got to have faith.”
Leigh Ann laughed a little, “Oh Joe that was just corny.”
Joe grinned, “But it got you to smile didn’t it?”
Leigh Ann just shook her head.
Joe laughed as he began to play with her left hand, “What it’s a good song.”
Leigh Ann rolled her eyes in amusement but became serious again. She grabbed Joes hand to still his movements, “Hey Joe?”
Joe looked up from their hands and met her eyes once more, “Yes?”
“Will you pray with me?”
Joe entwined his hand with hers, “I would love to.”
And so there they sat across from one another cross-legged, knee to knee; hands entwined, heads bowed together and they prayed.
♠ ♠ ♠
A/N: This one I'm really not to sure about. I had a really hard time writing this chapter and there was a scene with Nick that I really wanted to write into this chapter but it just didn't fit so I think maybe I'll put it into the next.School starts on Wednesday for me and I already have a test on Thursday so I really don't know when I'll get to update again but hopefully it's soon (like maybe this weekend) but I'll tell you this now updates will happen I just can't promise that they will be in a timely manner. I promise I'll try my best though okay.
Please let me know what you think!!! Comments are most appreciated!