Like a Shattered Mirror

I told my dad everything. I told him how I had forgotten everything about my life. And, yes, I told him about the medication. I also told him about James. And Garrett's reason for leaving. My father apologized like mad for calling him a jackass, and he told me that my angel is waiting up in Heaven for me.

And I believe him.

Sometimes I feel like he's watching me from up on a little cloud, making sure I'm okay. I pray to him everyday, telling him how life's going. It'd been a few weeks since he passed away.

"Yeah, so James finally moved away," I was telling Garrett as I walked home. "I was happy to see him go. He just pushed us away from each other. And I'm still sorry about, well, you know. I wanted you to be my first, I swear. But when we're together again, I promise it'll be different. We can last forever--like you promised me so many times.

"But my dad is still sorry, you know. He told me to tell you that. I know you can hear me, Gary. I just know it. People call me crazy, but I say I'm just in love. But I don't have to tell you about that feeling, huh?" I asked him, staring up at the sky as I walked. I sighed, face falling. "But I still miss you so much. I think my heart breaks a little more each day. It gets really lonely. And I'm not going to be with another man ever again. I'm saving myself for you. I wonder, is Heaven like Hell for you? Because to me, it would be. It's not Heaven unless I'm with you. And I mean that."

I stopped walking to wipe my tears. I let one fall.

"You know, they say that, where each tear lands, a flower grows. Not to make you feel bad, but I've probably grown a thousand and one flowers by now. I know it's not your fault. I just love you too much. I should've told you that more, huh? I'm sorry I didn't. But you've heard me apologize enough, I guess. And just so you know, I'm still not sure how much longer I can do this without you. I know I worry my friends with my talking to you, but I know you can hear me."

I turned down the street.

"Garrett-James Black, I love you," I told him softly, voice like a whisper.

And I had no way of knowing that those would be the last words I might ever speak to him again. Why? Well...

I never saw that car coming straight at me at fifty miles per hour...