On and On

I was flipping through People magazine when Joe let out another frustrated sigh.

“Joseph.” I warned, glaring at him. “If you don’t quit it…I swear—”

“Okay, like it’s that hard to get your room ready—I mean—serio—”

“Jonas.” A smiling nurse called from the now open door of the waiting room.

“Finally.” He groaned, helping me up, receiving an eye roll from me at his impatient complaints.

We walked into the room and I grabbed the gown, not bothering to pull the curtain closed while I changed.

“So.” I grinned knowing exactly what I was doing to him as I pulled my shirt over my head. “What do you think it’ll be?”

I shimmied out of my jeans and glanced up at him, his eyes glazed over and a smile pulling at his lips as his eyes were scanning over my body.

“Joseph. I asked you a question.” I smirked.

He shook his head snapping his mouth shut as I slipped the gown over my head.

“Hmm? Wha—Ugh—um—What?”

“I saaaid.” I grinned pulling myself onto the table, “What do you want it to be?” I asked again, holding my hand out.

He shrugged and complied to my silent request by pulling himself up from the chair and waltzing over to slip his hand into mine.

“I like ‘em all.” He smiled, “We’ve got both so it doesn’t matter, I have no preference.”

I smiled up at him and puckered my lips, asking him for a kiss. He grinned and leaned over the table and planted his lips on mine.

“Love you.” He cooed, pulling back.

I beamed up at him, “Love you too.”

“Alriiight. Let’s see what we’ve got going on here.” Dr. Nikels grinned, walking into the room.

We both smiled at him and he shook Joe’s hand, “Can’t keep her off you, hey Joe?” He asked nudging his elbow into Joe’s ribs.

Joe laughed and nodded looking down at my scowl he shut his mouth and shrugged, “It’s true.”

“Joe!”

“Relax Kayden.” Dr. Nikels, whom we had spent a lot of time with for all the doctor appointments with McKenna and the boys. He ruffled my hair and sat on the small rolling chair.

“You know the drill.” He said while setting up the machine. I nodded and lifted the gown, exposing my stomach.

Joe was smirking down at me and I narrowed my eyes at him. He dropped his face and pouted and I grinned grabbing his hand, the excitement taking over every part of my body. He grinned and squeezed my hand as he rubbed the cold gel on my stomach. I shivered and Joe smoothed out the goosebumps on my arm, smiling and planting a small kiss on my lips.

He rolled the wand across my stomach, the blurry images sliding over the screen.

“Alright.” He sighed, finding the small figure that lied within me.

“There they are.” He smiled over at us, looking from the screen and back to us.

I felt a rush of panic wash through me and I snapped my head at Joe whose mouth was hanging open, his eyes wide.

“Wha—They?” I sputtered out.

Dr. Nikels’ serious face burst into laughter. “Just kidding.” He smiled. “There’s only one in here.” He said patting my stomach.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. I mean sure that’d be amazing. But, the thought of carrying, much less birthing another set of twins and doing twice the work of feeding schedules in the middle of the night promised more sleepless nights and restless days. I’d be happy to do it all over again but was glad I didn’t actually have to, and five kids…I mean whoa.

I looked up to Joe to see the relief on his face but also his eyes were focused on something else. I gave his hand a squeeze and his sensitive eyes met mine nodding to the screen behind me and then focusing on it again.

I was too busy worrying about an extra baby on board that I hadn’t actually looked at the screen. I turned my head and my eyes instantly welled with tears like they did every time we came here and saw those that screen. The small, steady thumping of a heartbeat filled my ears and the powerfulness of the moment got to me. Our baby was there. I could see it. It had grown into a baby-ish looking figure, at least.

I looked up to Joe whose eyes had gone soft and his goofy smile had faded into a sweet grin while he stared at the screen.

“Alright, 17 weeks along.” He said writing on his chart, “Should be due around April 25, but I’ll give you a week and say April 18, yours like to be early.” He laughed.

He clapped his hands together, “Okay, so we want to know what it is?” Dr. Nikels asked eying Joe and I.

I looked up at Joe who was already staring at me. I shrugged and he nodded his head the goofy grin returning to his face I nodded and turned to Dr. Nikels.

“Of course we do.” I chuckled.

He took a closer look at the screen, I smiled when both of Joe’s hands wrapped around my smaller one and he leaned down pressing his lips on my forehead.

“Well see this right here?” He asked, pointing at the screen with his pinky.

I nodded and I heard Joe breathe, “A boy.”

“That’s right.” Dr. Nikels smiled, “It’s a boy.”

I smiled, “A boy.” I breathed.

Secretly, that’s what I wanted. I’d say I had no preference but I did. The boys were so full of life and amazing and so easy to entertain. McKenna—she was a handful—she had dry humor and an attitude like me and I didn’t want her to be like me. I had always felt sorry for my dad having to put up with me. But on the other hand, McKenna—she can hold her own, she doesn’t complain and she’s like the peace holder of the house. She never likes when anyone fights and can occupy her brothers when they’re fighting…even Joe and I—she’s just amazing. Plus, now she’s the only girl and the only one to spoil. She’d love that.

“Congratulations you two.” He grinned. “Everything looks good.” He said wiping the gel off my stomach. “As usual, due to the weak state of your uterus, in a couple of months, you’ll be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy, but not as long as it was with the twins.”

I saw Joe’s eyes turned worried, he always worried to much when it came to stuff like this and I knew he was hanging on the doctor’s every word.

“Take your vitamins, of course, eat well, exercise if you can, no lifting, no tanning beds, no roller coasters, etc. etc. See you back in a month, you can schedule up front.” He said reaching out and shaking both of our hands and turning to walk out of the room.

Joe was looking down at me, the sweetest look I’d ever seen covering his face. His eyes were full of love, a side smile pulled at his lips. I blinked back tears of joy and smiled when he traced his finger along my jaw.

Right now. This moment. Was perfect.

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We were walking back to Joe’s car from the small restaurant downtown near the doctor’s office. I was snuggled deep into my coat, my scarf protecting my face from the nipping wind. Joe pulled me closer to his body when I shivered and kept his hand grasped tightly around mine.

I was watching the city play out around me, and through all the angry drivers and all the people rushing past me, in a hurry to get to what’s important to them, I was glad I could take it down a notch and just be—be with the one that was important to me.

I felt him squeeze my hand and I turned and looked up at him. He grinned down at me tilting his head to one side, his eyes twinkling.

“What?” I laughed as we stopped to wait for the ‘Do Not Walk’ sign to change.

He turned to me, smoothing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You know how they say when you’re pregnant you glow?”

I nodded.

“Well, I never really believed that, like how is it possible? It sounds so dumb.”

I felt my forehead wrinkle as I nodded, confused by his random outburst. He pulled slightly on my hand leading me across the street. He didn’t say anything else so I assumed that he was done and it was just one of his random thoughts.

I let my thoughts wander again, watching the trees sway in the wind, the sun reflecting off the windows of buildings…

“Until you did.”

His voice broke my trance.

“Until I what?” I asked him confused. I wasn’t sure if he’d been talking and I was just too zoned out to notice.

“Were pregnant.” He looked down at me, “I mean, every time you have been it’s just like, you smile for no reason at all, and your eyes are brighter and sure something as small as me telling you that I love you makes you cry.” He nudged my shoulder when I narrowed my eyes at him.

“But, I can’t explain it, you really do, you just…glow. Look at you.” He bumped into me again.

“I’ve never seen you happier as when you’re pregnant…every time. Especially when we found out about the twins, not once did you freak out because we were 21 and going on 3 kids, you were just—so mellow about it. And you know me, I love it, this whole kids thing—this is me.”

I smiled up at him the meaningfulness of his words hitting me hard and I felt the urge to cry. I think even if the hormones weren’t there, this conversation would make me cry. All jokes aside, he was the most intellectual, observant, caring person I knew. He didn’t open up that way to a lot of people, but when he did, it left you speechless.

“Like with McKenna, you were freaked out when you found out—because you were worried what I would think—but I loved it, they could’ve told me seven babies were in there and I wouldn’t care—”

My eyes bugged out and I choked out a laugh, “Frick Joe—seven?! That’s like torture. I would probably pop or something. I had a hard enough time with two! Mandatory bed rest for 2 months isn’t so fun—”

He laughed, “I know—but you know what I mean.”

I nodded and he continued, “It’s just crazy—everyone thinks we’re crazy—four kids before we’re 25?—crazy—but not so much—or at least, I don’t think so.”

He was quiet again and I once again assumed he was done when he didn’t continue after a few minutes. Then I saw the car parked on the side of the road and he walked over opening my door and helping me in.

“Thank you.” I grinned.

He smiled and waited in front of the car until a line of cars passed, giving him a spare second to run to his door. He hopped in and turned on the heater. He reached over and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers after I put on my seatbelt and pulled onto the road.

“The way I look at it…” He said as we stopped in a line of bumper to bumper traffic going out of the city. It took me a second to realize he was picking up his conversation from earlier. He lifted his hand from mine and set it on my stomach, rubbing small circles with the pads of his fingers.

“That’s something we made in here.” He said, lifting his eyes to meet mine, “I mean, that’s half of me and half of you—and anything that comes from the love I have for you—the love we have for each other—you know it’s got to be amazing—and it is. Kids—our kids—they’re incredible—and I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again—I never thought it was possible to care for other people more than your own self but then I got a family. It started with you.” He said placing a hand on my cheek and lightly wiping the tears that I just couldn’t hold in anymore. “It’s only grown from then on—and I’m learning more and more of that everyday.”

I smiled at him through my tears, “I-I don’t even know what to say, I mean that was—that—” And I couldn’t my words couldn’t begin to express what the words that had just left his mouth did to me, what they made me feel. “Joe.” I barely whispered, trying to get him to see how much he affected me.

He shrugged a little, “I know, babe. That’s just really how I feel.”

I smiled and leaned over, pressing my lips to his, “Agreed.” I whispered when I pulled away.

I sat back down and readjusted myself in my seat, watching as we inched forward in the line of traffic. Joe reached over and tangled our fingers together again.

“I love you.” He said softly, kissing the back of my hand.

“Love you, too.” I whispered, my eyes welling with tears again. I was such a weenie.

We pulled into the Jonas’ driveway after an hour of sitting in traffic, mostly in silence, neither of us knowing what to say after Joe had poured his feelings out like that. The whole time was spent stealing glances at each other and smiling…kind of like shy thirteen year olds.

He came to my side and helped me out of the car, he draped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head as we walked up the sidewalk to the front door. We walked in and I let the warmth and the smell of sugar cookies envelop me.

“Mm.” I sighed, “Cookies.” He grinned and slid my coat from my shoulders.

“Go on. I’ll get the kids stuff together.”

I grinned up at him and peck his cheek, “Thanks hun.” I yelled over my shoulder as I was walking into the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah.” He sighed, just as I heard a chorus of ‘daddy!’s and I could practically see his face light up from the sound of his laughter from the other room.

I found the cookies and was working on my second one, eying the two that sat on my plate, when Denise walked in, Joe trailing behind her. I smiled at her, my cheeks puffing out with a mouthful of cookie. When she barely smiled back I saw the uneasiness on her face.

“What’s this about?” Joe asked the question for me, coming to lean on the counter next to me taking a cookie from my plate. I scolded him with my eyes but pushed it aside, trying to focus on Denise instead.

“Well, today, McKenna asked me if MawMaw and PawPaw got to play sex.” She raised her eyebrows. “And how come Nicky and Kam could play but she couldn’t.” She folded her arms across her chest looking between each of us.

“What?” I yelled, pieces of cookie falling from my mouth. I quickly swallowed, “Joe!” I hit his arm, “I knew this would happen.”

He was laughing. Laughing! I was humiliated.

“I-I, Joe! I scolded. I turned to Denise, “He said something this morning and he didn’t know she was there and she asked and we didn’t know what to say—well HE didn’t know what to say and so he said it was a game—and now—aww man.” I groaned letting my head fall into my hands.

Joe rubbed my back, “She was going to find out sooner or later, babe.”

Denise sighed, “Oh Joseph—what am I going to do with you?” She chuckled.

She came over and rested her hands on my forearm, “I told her it wasn’t very ladylike to talk about things like that and she shouldn’t speak that way—and no more questions about sex.”

I nodded and chuckled to myself, it WAS kind of funny…a five-year-old walking around asking if you ‘played’ sex.

Almost as if she flipped a switch, Denise’s eyes got big, “The doctor?” She asked.

I grinned and saw Joe out of the corner of my eye, grinning also at the mention of it.

“Great, everything’s great. I’m healthy, the baby’s healthy. All good.”

“Aaaand.” She motioned with her hands.

I smiled, “It’s a boy.”

She beamed at me, hugging me to her chest, reaching out and pulling Joe into the hug as well.

“Oh you two. This is so exciting. I’m so happy for the two of you.” She rambled, getting all of her giddiness out.

By the time the kids had come into the room a little while later, all of them incredibly moody which Denise blamed on herself as she let them skip nap time and watch a movie. Which I didn’t find hard to believe, they had all learned to perfect the puppy dog pout, that Joe and I had thankfully become accustomed to but it seemed they got whatever they wanted from everyone else.

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We were laying in bed that night after successfully getting all the kids in their beds and early I might add. I was watching my fingers wander across Joe’s bare chest when I felt his voice rumble in his chest.

“What do you think about names?” He asked running a hand through my hair.

I shrugged, “I don’t know? What do you like?”

“Nu uh.” He sighed, “We split McKenna’s name, I named Milo and Braden, it’s your turn.”

“I helped with the boys.” I fought back.

“Okay, you said Milo Kevin sounded better than Braden Kevin and that Braden should be Braden Nicholas, instead of Milo Nicholas.” He argued.

So they didn’t quite go together, but Joe wanted to name his children after his brothers and I respected that 100 percent and would never have dreamed to fight him on that one.

I thought for a moment and propped myself up on my elbow, “Well mom’s maiden name was Hudson. I always liked that. Do you think that sounds weird for a first name?”

He shook his head, “Honey, we have a Milo.” He chuckled, “Nothing sounds weird anymore.”

I smiled, “And dad.” My smile faded. “Frank Tyler.” I whispered. Frank—I didn’t really like it—too old school. “Tyler?” I asked. “Hudson Tyler?”

He leaned up to peck my lips, “Hudson Tyler Jonas. Perfect.”

I grinned, “That was easy.”

He nodded, “Now it’s my turn next time.” He grinned.

“Whoa buddy!” I looked down at him, “Next time?” I asked, my eyes wide.

He shrugged, “You never know—I mean, it wouldn’t be that bad.”

I stared down at the heap of crazy I called my husband like he had just spoken a different language.

“Joe honey, seriously, I mean that’d be the fifth one don’t you think—”

He reached up completely oblivious to the face I was talking, his attention directed elsewhere. He lightly fingered the necklace that contained four hearts that always hung on my neck.

“We’ll have to add another one.” He smiled referring to the four hearts that were each already encrypted with his name along with McKenna’s, Milo’s and Braden’s.

I nodded and chuckled, completely forgetting what I was saying as he laced his fingers with mine. “My heart just keeps getting divided.” I shrugged, not minding one bit.

He pulled me closer to him, “As long as I have the biggest piece.”

I grinned, placing a few long kisses on his lips, “Always.” I whispered.